Sotiredofitall

Hubby has been sober since the 15th of November. He has been attending meetings once a week, I'm not sure if he is doing this for me or for himself.
Tonite he called to see how things were at home. I had to have my horse put down yesterday, so this was a very thoughtful thing. The conversation turned to his day and he had had an employee give notice. She was a great asset to our company and she will be missed greatly. The conversation continued to the fact that his weekly meeting was tonite. He kinda asked me if I thought he should keep going? HuH?????Why are you asking me?? In looking back at it I'm wondering if he was looking to me to give him permission to quit? It scared me, frankly. This sober thing has gone so easily for him.....or has it? I'm thinking the demons are just beginning to rear their ugly heads. I'm trying very hard not to be codependant with his disease. Not an easy task as I was raised with an A father. Can just use some words of wisdom and a bit of perspective......

Willybluedog

There are others who will be able to give you a better sense of how his recovery should go, might go etc. I just wanted to say so sorry about your horse, I know for me losing my beloved horses after so many years and so many adventures together was one of the hardest things I ever faced, I raised both from colts and lost them at 26 & 28.

I just want you to know I will be here to listen if you want to talk, bug hugs to you.

Bill

Taking5

Please elaborate. Why say "the conversation turned/continued" instead of saying what actually happened? Who brought up the meeting issue, him or you?

If it was you, I think he was looking for permission to stop going to meetings.

If it was him, he may have been fishing for a compliment from you, for you to tell him you are proud of him, etc., etc. Is this something he would do in other areas besides drinking? As an aside, most everyone I know in AA that is serious about sobriety hits several meetings a week, not just one, especially in early sobriety. Also, as an alcoholic, trust me, early sobriety is anything but easy.

Finally, look at his actions, not his words. If he is slacking in other areas, this is a bad sign. What demons have you seen start to raise their heads? Or are you just waiting for this to happen?

Sotiredofitall

Thanks for the insight. The conversation had turned to what I had fixed for dinner. I had forgotten that he had a meeting tonite. I knew it, but my head wasn't in thought mode today. I do think he was looking for *permission* to not go tonite.....I think that is what scares me. I don't want to be *responsible* for his sobriety. I want to be supportive, but am hoping he sees he needs to do this for himself.

He has gotten through this first six weeks as if it was nothing at all. I'm worried that he thinks it is because he was *never* an alcoholic. I guess I'm borrowing trouble and getting into a frame of mind that may be unproductive.....need to do more self work. He has joined a group that meets once a week through his church, I don't know that they have more meetings.

Sotiredofitall

Bill.. thanks for the encouragement. I've had buddy for almost 20 years and he was in his late 20's. He will be missed greatly

m1k3

SoTiredOfItAll, are you going to Al-Anon? I have found it to be a huge help in keeping me focused on my recovery. There isn't any need for you to carry his recovery baggage for him.

Your friend,

Sotiredofitall

m1k3...Been mostly reading on here. Went through counseling a few years ago, but do think I need to find a group to at least see if that is a place I feel comfortable being. I've isolated myself so much through the last few years that I need to move outside of my comfort zone a bit. I've been reading through all the stickies for the last couple of weeks. I think after the holidays I'll have more time to find a group.