Haon

Hello all. I'll just get to it. My wife and daughter are out of town and last night I got hammered. Went to a friends house and don't even remember driving home. I seriously went out to look at the truck this morning to make sure I didn't run over anything. I feel fine physically, just really upset at my stupidity and the risk I took. I could be sitting in jail right now, but God has spared me and my family from that. I asked God to forgive me this morning and for the strength to make good decisions from now on. The term scared straight may sound contrived, but I really am. Day 1 is easy after a night like that, but I will be here everyday of my journey. I've set a reminder on my phone for every evening. I can't hurt my family any more. They are incredible and deserve better.
I don't have to drink beer every day, but I'm a binge drinker. If I have one, I have 12. I don't understand the mentality, but I know if I drink again I might lose my family. My Christmas present to me and them is a sober life. God give me the strength to make it happen. Thank you for reading and for your support of a stranger in recovery.

doggonecarl

Welcome back. If this were your first post I'd ask you what do you plan to do to stay sober.

However, since this is you 31st post, I'll ask this:

What do you plan to do different this time to stay sober?

SoCalDude

Haon, I can't count how many times, years ago, when I used to venture out to drink with others, how many times I woke up and said, "Holy Crap... I am SO lucky.." It isn't luck though, it is just a matter of time. It could be something small from a DUI and ending up in jail, it could be something major, killing an innocent family of 5 on their way to grandma's house.. You need to rethink not just "Wow I am lucky.." but more, "Wow, everyone else is lucky.." -- They don't get to choose whether or not you drank, they just lucked out not to be around you when drinking.. And I'm no saint, I've been there and done that.. but you need to decide this is the time things will be different, and DO IT FOR YOU... I'm sure your wife and daughter hate to see you drink, but you need to quit for #1.

Keep it up to day 2, and day 3... find other hobbies. Hang out with friends OTHER than those you drink with.. go volunteer at the homeless shelter to see how bad things can get as a result. Those are all things I've done to change my habits.. and I'm only sober for a week, but they've all given me great power to overcome this problem.

Haon

That is a great question and one that I don't have an answer to yet. I have to create some new habits. I actually have plenty of other things to be doing instead of drinking. I just have to make sure I do those and not grab a beer instead. I have a friend that is willing to help and support me. You know, talk me off the ledge. So that is new. One thing for sure is exercise. I also have a lot of career development to work on, so there are things to fill that space. Not to mention spend quality time with my wonderful family. My daughter turns 5 next month, so I can still be a good role model and so want to be. She is an incredible kiddo and I'm so blessed to be her dad.
I don't want to paint the picture that I sit around drunk all the time. That is far from the truth, but once every week or two I go on a binge. Hell, it's how people at gatherings know me. The guy that's going to drink too much and start talking. I'm a happy talky drunk, not violent. Anyway, that's where I am right now.

Haon

Damn, you are right. I was looking at it all wrong. From my perspective. Holy cow! Thank you for that, SoCal. When I hear about those wrecks on the news, I never think of myself, but that is exactly what I need to be doing. Exactly. Oh man. And I am quitting for me. I want to feel better, to be better. I don't want to feel guilty anymore. I want to be happy with my family.

SoCalDude

You're on the right track.. trust in a higher power to hold your hand to the promised land and you'll absolutely make it. Just remember, don't think out "Will I be sober on Christmas? Can I make it through this weekend?" Don't worry about then. Worry about today, right now. Tomorrow, worry about tomorrow. It makes it a lot easier to accomplish small victories, which will eventually lead to the bigger overall goal. Keep it up!

Zebra1275

My wife and daughter are out of town and last night I got hammered.

Been there, done that. When we are alone with no one to hold us accountable, it's party time! Even if we are the only one at the party.

As doggonecarl said, you need a plan. It sounds like if your wife left you and took your daughter, you drinking would get out of control. Put another way, it sounds like having your wife and daughter around might be necessary for you to stay sober. If true, that's a tough place to be. Relying on another human is dangerous because people will let us down. That's where the higher power part of AA comes in.

Haon

I agree, one hour, evening, day at a time.

Zebra, them being gone was just an opportunity. They've been gone several days and last night was the only bender. That said, I'll binge with them here too. They are a motivation, but my decision is not centered on them. I have to quit before I hurt myself, or worse, someone else.

One thing I've noticed while surfing around is how well you guys communicate with us reruns and newbies alike. You provide incredible perspective and positive feelings. That helps.

Thanks for what you do.

Dee74

Welcome back Haon

I'm another one for making a plan - but I think for some of us it needs to go beyond exercise and keeping busy, finding new hobbies.

If you find that too, I know you'll find a lot of advice here.

D

breath

Recovery and sobriety are not always dependent on what we've lost, but our level of despair(desperation); furthermore, you must put yourself first. Failure to recognize this is a recipe for disaster; doing it for yourself leads to the logical conclusion that you are doing it for everything you have; family, employment, freedom, and health. That's, death, jail, sickness and loneliness said backards.

SeekSobriety

Thanks so much for sharing,

After years of "falling off the wagon" One thing that changed and has helped me tremendously in accumulating over 3 years of freedom from Alcohol was getting into Therapy and attending Local recovery Meetings (in my case A.A)

There are only so many "Chances" we get, sounds like you were given a serious reprieve from almost killing someone (including yourself) the other night. You/we may not ever get one of those "get out of jail free card's" again, I have been there myself and I really hope you find the intensive help you might need to stay sober.

Haon

Made it through my witching hour, so feeling good about that. Hope to sleep well tonight, a little rough last night. Thanks again for the kind words and real advice.
Still figuring it out, but didn't drink today, and that's a win.