Not interested in sobriety?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NYC
Posts: 2
Not interested in sobriety?
I'm sure this kind of question has popped up a ton of times but I'm new to this forum and couldn't find anything specific to my situation.
Anyway, I was recently put on a medical leave from my college, with only one semester left before my graduation, because various people who "know" me reported to the Dean's Office that I was an alcoholic. I admit that I drank heavily (around three or four handles of vodka a week) but I didn't get into physical or verbal altercations with others and for the most part kept on top of my school work and student employment work.
I don't have any particular drive to drink and I haven't in the week since I was sent back home from school. Still, I don't ever see myself completely abstaining from alcohol and, frankly, I don't want to be completely sober (I don't want to go back to such heavy drinking but an occasional drink on the weekends is not something I ever plan on letting go).
I have to go through treatment/rehab if I want to graduate from my school, so I'll do what I have to do. Have any of you ever had a similar attitude towards sobriety and if you have, what did you do to get more engaged with becoming sober? Is it even worth my efforts? Thank you so much!
Anyway, I was recently put on a medical leave from my college, with only one semester left before my graduation, because various people who "know" me reported to the Dean's Office that I was an alcoholic. I admit that I drank heavily (around three or four handles of vodka a week) but I didn't get into physical or verbal altercations with others and for the most part kept on top of my school work and student employment work.
I don't have any particular drive to drink and I haven't in the week since I was sent back home from school. Still, I don't ever see myself completely abstaining from alcohol and, frankly, I don't want to be completely sober (I don't want to go back to such heavy drinking but an occasional drink on the weekends is not something I ever plan on letting go).
I have to go through treatment/rehab if I want to graduate from my school, so I'll do what I have to do. Have any of you ever had a similar attitude towards sobriety and if you have, what did you do to get more engaged with becoming sober? Is it even worth my efforts? Thank you so much!
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I sure can identify. I loved partying, drinking, doing drugs from time to time. I knew I was a bit over the top from time to time but didn't really see it as a problem. I did, however, seem to keep getting dui's......and that was a problem.
The term sobriety can mean several things......if you're referring to just "not drinking" well, for me, that never worked........not for long anyway. I could do it for a while but I'd get bored, or frustrated with something, or pressured at home/work and look for a way to vent, have some fun, and let loose. Drugs and booze helped considerably. So.....the thought of giving that up was VERY foreign to me and didn't sound appealing at all.
Some ppl can just give it up though. They don't have the same issues/problems/dilemma I had. That's where recovery came in. See, there's a difference between "not drinking" and "recovery." For me, not drinking isn't an option. I hate it, for one......and can't pull it off happily for 2. Getting involved with recovery though, that made a difference.....a difference within me..... I changed - matured really, grew up. Once I got involved in that process, I found that I really wasn't interested in drinking anymore....I was changed, as they say.
So, as the person I WAS....sobriety looked awful. As I got involved in AA, went to meetings, and found a couple good groups........I started to see that "not drinking" is really only a very small part of the deal and they were really having a lot of fun.....fun like i used to only have when i was partying. That seemed cool....so I go more involved in the process. Got a sponsor, started working the program. As I did that, I started to change.......then the recovery-lifestyle began to look more attractive than the party lifestyle ever did.
I'm sure if someone told me what I just told you, I would have shrugged it off. I really couldn't believe recovery would be truly fun. It sure didn't look like it was. I was, as is also said a lot, full of contempt prior to investigation.....and I was also dead wrong, though I didnt know it at the time. Back then, what interested me most (and really all I hoped for) was what I could get out of life.....what was in it for me. Somewhere along the line in recovery though, that changed. While I'm not 100% out of myself......I do find what makes me truly happy.....and it's that lasting happiness too......is finding what I can give to or help others with. Sooner or later, we have to cross from being a taker to being a giver......and when that happens, things like drinking, partying, etc don't seem all that attractive anymore.
The term sobriety can mean several things......if you're referring to just "not drinking" well, for me, that never worked........not for long anyway. I could do it for a while but I'd get bored, or frustrated with something, or pressured at home/work and look for a way to vent, have some fun, and let loose. Drugs and booze helped considerably. So.....the thought of giving that up was VERY foreign to me and didn't sound appealing at all.
Some ppl can just give it up though. They don't have the same issues/problems/dilemma I had. That's where recovery came in. See, there's a difference between "not drinking" and "recovery." For me, not drinking isn't an option. I hate it, for one......and can't pull it off happily for 2. Getting involved with recovery though, that made a difference.....a difference within me..... I changed - matured really, grew up. Once I got involved in that process, I found that I really wasn't interested in drinking anymore....I was changed, as they say.
So, as the person I WAS....sobriety looked awful. As I got involved in AA, went to meetings, and found a couple good groups........I started to see that "not drinking" is really only a very small part of the deal and they were really having a lot of fun.....fun like i used to only have when i was partying. That seemed cool....so I go more involved in the process. Got a sponsor, started working the program. As I did that, I started to change.......then the recovery-lifestyle began to look more attractive than the party lifestyle ever did.
I'm sure if someone told me what I just told you, I would have shrugged it off. I really couldn't believe recovery would be truly fun. It sure didn't look like it was. I was, as is also said a lot, full of contempt prior to investigation.....and I was also dead wrong, though I didnt know it at the time. Back then, what interested me most (and really all I hoped for) was what I could get out of life.....what was in it for me. Somewhere along the line in recovery though, that changed. While I'm not 100% out of myself......I do find what makes me truly happy.....and it's that lasting happiness too......is finding what I can give to or help others with. Sooner or later, we have to cross from being a taker to being a giver......and when that happens, things like drinking, partying, etc don't seem all that attractive anymore.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Welcome Mr Political 
For near enough to 20 years, I didn't want to stop drinking, even tho I knew it was bad for me, even tho I knew I drank dangerously, even tho people were worried about me.
Eventually I got to a point where even I wanted to stop, but I couldn't.
It took nearly dying for me to accept that I simply could not drink without risking my welfare.
I think you're incredibly fortunate to have had this intervention, directive or whatever it was. I've never heard of anything like that before.
I tried for years to become just a weekend drinker. It never worked for me. I have no control over my drinking, not with any consistency.
You might want to consider that too - other people are clearly very worried about you and your drinking pattern - if you could control it, wouldn't you have done so by now and avoided this trouble?
D
For near enough to 20 years, I didn't want to stop drinking, even tho I knew it was bad for me, even tho I knew I drank dangerously, even tho people were worried about me.
Eventually I got to a point where even I wanted to stop, but I couldn't.
It took nearly dying for me to accept that I simply could not drink without risking my welfare.
I think you're incredibly fortunate to have had this intervention, directive or whatever it was. I've never heard of anything like that before.
I tried for years to become just a weekend drinker. It never worked for me. I have no control over my drinking, not with any consistency.
You might want to consider that too - other people are clearly very worried about you and your drinking pattern - if you could control it, wouldn't you have done so by now and avoided this trouble?
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
First of all...Welcome, mrpolitical.
Have any of you ever had a similar attitude towards sobriety and if you have, what did you do to get more engaged with becoming sober? Is it even worth my efforts?
Yes, I had similiar attitude many years ago. People around me could see I had a problem before I could...or I cared to admit. It is part of the denial stage. I, never in a million years, thought that in all the years I 'enjoyed' drinking (and never would quit) that I'd would inevitabley become an alcoholic.
Drinking was a part of my life, my daily ritual, my coping mechanism. There were times I didn't drink. I could go for a week or month and I think somewhere down the line of my 30 years I put in a couple dry years here and there. But don't remember, for sure.
Basically, it's up to you. Would you be willing to except help and try to conquer something that may damage you now and you end up dragging yourself out of a deep hole for the next 15 years? If you don't think its causing a problem and don't want to give up drinking but want to go to rehab to finish school then you'd better take an honest look into your heart.
I did go to rehab last Feb. and to be quite honest I don't know why more people don't take advantage of it. I really had a great time, learned alot about myself, life, others, it was just an all around good experience in my journey.
Your time will come when you're ready...you have to follow your own journey.
Wishing you peace and strength.
Have any of you ever had a similar attitude towards sobriety and if you have, what did you do to get more engaged with becoming sober? Is it even worth my efforts?
Yes, I had similiar attitude many years ago. People around me could see I had a problem before I could...or I cared to admit. It is part of the denial stage. I, never in a million years, thought that in all the years I 'enjoyed' drinking (and never would quit) that I'd would inevitabley become an alcoholic.
Drinking was a part of my life, my daily ritual, my coping mechanism. There were times I didn't drink. I could go for a week or month and I think somewhere down the line of my 30 years I put in a couple dry years here and there. But don't remember, for sure.
Basically, it's up to you. Would you be willing to except help and try to conquer something that may damage you now and you end up dragging yourself out of a deep hole for the next 15 years? If you don't think its causing a problem and don't want to give up drinking but want to go to rehab to finish school then you'd better take an honest look into your heart.
I did go to rehab last Feb. and to be quite honest I don't know why more people don't take advantage of it. I really had a great time, learned alot about myself, life, others, it was just an all around good experience in my journey.
Your time will come when you're ready...you have to follow your own journey.
Wishing you peace and strength.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
With one semester left, you are of legal drinking age? If you kept on top of schoolwork and student employment, how is it that the college was able to put you on medical leave and force you to go to rehab merely on the accusations of others?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,226
Originally Posted by mrpolitical 
I'm sure this kind of question has popped up a ton of times but I'm new to this forum and couldn't find anything specific to my situation.
Anyway, I was recently put on a medical leave from my college, with only one semester left before my graduation, because various people who "know" me reported to the Dean's Office that I was an alcoholic. I admit that I drank heavily (around three or four handles of vodka a week) but I didn't get into physical or verbal altercations with others and for the most part kept on top of my school work and student employment work.
I don't have any particular drive to drink and I haven't in the week since I was sent back home from school. Still, I don't ever see myself completely abstaining from alcohol and, frankly, I don't want to be completely sober (I don't want to go back to such heavy drinking but an occasional drink on the weekends is not something I ever plan on letting go).
I have to go through treatment/rehab if I want to graduate from my school, so I'll do what I have to do. Have any of you ever had a similar attitude towards sobriety and if you have, what did you do to get more engaged with becoming sober? Is it even worth my efforts? Thank you so much!
Anyway, I was recently put on a medical leave from my college, with only one semester left before my graduation, because various people who "know" me reported to the Dean's Office that I was an alcoholic. I admit that I drank heavily (around three or four handles of vodka a week) but I didn't get into physical or verbal altercations with others and for the most part kept on top of my school work and student employment work.
I don't have any particular drive to drink and I haven't in the week since I was sent back home from school. Still, I don't ever see myself completely abstaining from alcohol and, frankly, I don't want to be completely sober (I don't want to go back to such heavy drinking but an occasional drink on the weekends is not something I ever plan on letting go).
I have to go through treatment/rehab if I want to graduate from my school, so I'll do what I have to do. Have any of you ever had a similar attitude towards sobriety and if you have, what did you do to get more engaged with becoming sober? Is it even worth my efforts? Thank you so much!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Maine
Posts: 33
Hi there. I've been pretty much a daily drinker for a few years now. I can't recall when I went from a controlled drinker to someone who drank every night. That's how it sneaks up on you. It has never affected my work or school when I was there to any noticable degree to anyone else. I have tried bargaining with myself so many times about just being a weekend drinker, but I can't do it. I love drinking too much and can't control it to do it just on the weekends. I'm newly into recovery (about one month) and I am feeling so much more freedom and clarity and strength not having alcohol in my system or having it control me. It is such a great feeling that I want it to continue. I agree with Dee that the thing that happened at school for you could be a gift. Maybe it has saved your life, or may keep you from spending the next several years of your life going through what a lot of us here have. A good friend of mine went into rehab at the age of 20. He was essentially forced to go. He went in fully intending to drink again when he got out. He had some sort of awakening while there and decided he wanted to remain sober. That was about 25 years ago. I hope that you decide to go to rehab and really try to connect with the program. You might find that you like what you see and how you feel.
Best of luck.
Best of luck.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 645
Mr Political,
The bottom line is that you are going to do what you are going to do. I am sure you have heard the statement: He who is convinced against his will is of the same opinion still. It may be that you aren't alcoholic -- that you are a heavy drinker. If may be that you will be able to moderate your drinking in the future.
That (drinking moderately in the future) will depend upon whether you have crossed the line from "normal social drinking" into alcoholism. There are people who drink to excess in college and then mature and moderate as they grow older. There are other people whose college drinking is just the beginning of a long downhill slide into alcoholism.
I don't think anyone here can convince you that sobriety ROCKS or that recovery is far better than living the life of an active alcoholic. What convinced most of us that sobriety was something we had to have was alcohol itself. Drinking brought us to the point of sickness and desperation. We could not go on living as we had been living.
For the moment it sounds as if you are going to have to abide by the rules your college is laying down for you if you want to graduate. It would suck to be forced to go to treatment when it isn't what one wants to do and when it isn't what one thinks they need to do. But obviously you were drinking enough to draw that type of attention.
As for not getting into verbal or physical altercations and/or keeping on top of your school work and employment, welcome to the world of stereotypes about alcoholism. I was a binge drinker in graduate school. I was in the top of my class, I held a responsible job, I never got a DUI, I never became verbally/physically abusive and so on.
Yet, I was and I am an alcoholic. My drinking progressed from periodic binges to daily drinking with weekend binges. I was a closet drinker -- at home, alone, in secret. No one knew I had a problem. If I were to continue drinking, I have no doubt that I would progress to all day around the clock 24/7 drinking. That is not a place I want to go.
My suggestion to you is to read around the board to gain some perspective on others' experiences. There are stages to alcoholism. People generally do not start off drinking and living as a skid row bum. If you go to treatment/rehab, I would encourage you to keep an open mind about the information that is being presented to you.
After you have some accurate information about alcoholism and recovery, then you can decide for yourself what it is that you want to do.
Susan Lauren
The bottom line is that you are going to do what you are going to do. I am sure you have heard the statement: He who is convinced against his will is of the same opinion still. It may be that you aren't alcoholic -- that you are a heavy drinker. If may be that you will be able to moderate your drinking in the future.
That (drinking moderately in the future) will depend upon whether you have crossed the line from "normal social drinking" into alcoholism. There are people who drink to excess in college and then mature and moderate as they grow older. There are other people whose college drinking is just the beginning of a long downhill slide into alcoholism.
I don't think anyone here can convince you that sobriety ROCKS or that recovery is far better than living the life of an active alcoholic. What convinced most of us that sobriety was something we had to have was alcohol itself. Drinking brought us to the point of sickness and desperation. We could not go on living as we had been living.
For the moment it sounds as if you are going to have to abide by the rules your college is laying down for you if you want to graduate. It would suck to be forced to go to treatment when it isn't what one wants to do and when it isn't what one thinks they need to do. But obviously you were drinking enough to draw that type of attention.
As for not getting into verbal or physical altercations and/or keeping on top of your school work and employment, welcome to the world of stereotypes about alcoholism. I was a binge drinker in graduate school. I was in the top of my class, I held a responsible job, I never got a DUI, I never became verbally/physically abusive and so on.
Yet, I was and I am an alcoholic. My drinking progressed from periodic binges to daily drinking with weekend binges. I was a closet drinker -- at home, alone, in secret. No one knew I had a problem. If I were to continue drinking, I have no doubt that I would progress to all day around the clock 24/7 drinking. That is not a place I want to go.
My suggestion to you is to read around the board to gain some perspective on others' experiences. There are stages to alcoholism. People generally do not start off drinking and living as a skid row bum. If you go to treatment/rehab, I would encourage you to keep an open mind about the information that is being presented to you.
After you have some accurate information about alcoholism and recovery, then you can decide for yourself what it is that you want to do.
Susan Lauren
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Vashon WA
Posts: 1,035
"I go to work/take care of business" is the oldest justification in the book. If you choose to quit drinking at your age you will absolutely save a ton of time and money. If you decide to continue to drink you should figure out how to do it without alarming the people around you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 645
TU,
I imagine there is more to the story than what the initial poster stated. Many colleges are taking a hard stance on alcohol and drug use -- not to mention on mental health issues, violence, aggression, stalking, etc. Zero tolerance. At my nephew's college (i.e., a small, private, exclusive school), it is made perfectly clear up front that underage alcohol consumption and/or drug use is cause for expulsion and prosecution. And that policy is enforced. We live in a different world these days (as compared to when some of us middle aged folks went to college).
Susan Lauren
I imagine there is more to the story than what the initial poster stated. Many colleges are taking a hard stance on alcohol and drug use -- not to mention on mental health issues, violence, aggression, stalking, etc. Zero tolerance. At my nephew's college (i.e., a small, private, exclusive school), it is made perfectly clear up front that underage alcohol consumption and/or drug use is cause for expulsion and prosecution. And that policy is enforced. We live in a different world these days (as compared to when some of us middle aged folks went to college).
Susan Lauren
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
I would suggest trying to moderate your drinking. If you're not able to then you probably are an alcoholic.
I never used to imagine life without alcohol, but now that I'm on the other side of sobriety I can't imagine returning to that lifestyle. It's all a matter of perspective.
I never used to imagine life without alcohol, but now that I'm on the other side of sobriety I can't imagine returning to that lifestyle. It's all a matter of perspective.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hi and welcome.
For me to get sober I had to change my view on alcohol. If I felt like not drinking was a bad thing I wouldn't have quit. I had to see drinking alcohol as the slow poisonous death it is for me to happily quit drinking.
Now I have to be careful at parties not to stand too close to people who are drinking because the smell of alcohol makes me sick.
For me to get sober I had to change my view on alcohol. If I felt like not drinking was a bad thing I wouldn't have quit. I had to see drinking alcohol as the slow poisonous death it is for me to happily quit drinking.
Now I have to be careful at parties not to stand too close to people who are drinking because the smell of alcohol makes me sick.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
I teach at a university, and believe me, for a student to get suspended due to substance abuse, there had to have been some very serious behavioral or academic problems (or both).
And it would not happen merely based on some 3rd-party reports.
MrPolitical, your situation has to be a lot more serious than your post seems prepared to admit. I hope you find the will to make the necessary changes.
And it would not happen merely based on some 3rd-party reports.
MrPolitical, your situation has to be a lot more serious than your post seems prepared to admit. I hope you find the will to make the necessary changes.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by mrpolitical
I don't have any particular drive to drink and I haven't in the week since I was sent back home from school. Still, I don't ever see myself completely abstaining from alcohol and, frankly, I don't want to be completely sober (I don't want to go back to such heavy drinking but an occasional drink on the weekends is not something I ever plan on letting go).
The first thing I learned from the literature was why I drink like I did and that was invaluable to me in recovery. You can read this online for free and it may save your life. I know it saved mine. You don't have to get involved with AA...whaterever path you choose is up to you. But it is nice to know the problem.
Read the "Doctor's Opinion and the first 43 pages of this book and if you don't see yourself there...Then enjoy your weekend cocktails. If something strikes a chord there. You might want to start thinking of a way to stop...For good. Because alcohol...will kill you. And I don't like to see people die. I'd recommend this to anyone else that is toying with this Progressive Fatal Disease.
The Doctors Opinion and chapters 1-3. I am not saying you should go the AA path...That's your choice....But it is nice to know what the problem is...before you try and solve it. Or if you even have a problem?...Which in your case....Your drinking looks pretty abnormal to me.
The text of Alcoholics Anonymous
Good luck to you...Whatever you do...I just hope it involves...taking care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 50
A handle is what people call a half gallon, because it has a handle on it.
At my worst I was drinking probably 2-1/2 to 3 handles a week, and that is a lot of alcohol! That was as a 30 year old man. A college kid putting down that much alcohol has a serious problem. To get to the point that you can drink that much alcohol would mean you've put in some serious time building that tolerance.
At my worst I was drinking probably 2-1/2 to 3 handles a week, and that is a lot of alcohol! That was as a 30 year old man. A college kid putting down that much alcohol has a serious problem. To get to the point that you can drink that much alcohol would mean you've put in some serious time building that tolerance.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Wow! Someone seems to care about you! They may be saving your life!
No one wants to admit defeat to drinking. My crystal ball says you could be in this same boat, but years down the line about to lose your livelihood (work, health, family relationships, marriage, kids). Today you have a chance to save your entire future! What's your choice?
No one wants to admit defeat to drinking. My crystal ball says you could be in this same boat, but years down the line about to lose your livelihood (work, health, family relationships, marriage, kids). Today you have a chance to save your entire future! What's your choice?
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 609
I've been through this, I'm glad I gave it up entirely, I don't think binge drinking occasionally still is the answer. To move ahead in my overall recovery I needed abstinence. It was tough at first, I could barely imagine life without alcohol, my thoughts were continuously obsessed if I wasn't drinking. I am just glad to now have the mental obsession out of my life, there's no price on that, and it only came with total abstinence as that's the only way the nervous system can really repair itself.
Binge drinking can kill you. I had several close shaves.
Binge drinking can kill you. I had several close shaves.
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