Buser

It's time in my recovery/steps that I make a list of those I've hurt and make amends.#1 on my list is my little brother. We were really close. He needed oral surgery and got Percocerts which I stole and they were my first taste of opiate narcotics, because they were his pillshe believes my addiction to be his fault! Then I made his life hell for 3 weeks forcing him not to tell anyone, and when he told our parents I said the worst things I've ever said to anyone in my life, then I stopped speaking to him.
He saved my life. He's just a kid starting high school. And even though I'm 6 years older he was more mature!
I was expecting to see him when my family visited instead I got a letter in which he apologized to me! and expressed his guilt.
I know what I need to say to him (mostly). But what do I do? How do I make this up to him?
I feel so bad
What doI do?

Dee74

Hi Buser
Welcome

I'm not a 12 stepper, so I have no experience in formal amends.

I'm not sure you should focus on 'making it up' to him tho.
I don't know how I'd do that, or if it's even possible?

Have you asked your sponsor for their opinion?

D

Mark75

Hey Buser... Where are you in the steps? Do you have a sponsor?

Sapling

Just tell him what it is you have to tell him...Admit your wrongs. And the only way to make that right would to be a better sister to him and to be an example in your sobriety for him to follow.

eJoshua

Just tell him what you wrote here and tell him you're sorry. Make sure he knows that your addictions are absolutely not his fault and you are the one that has wronged him. I'm sure he'll understand.

There's nothing you can do to 100% make up for the wrongs you've done in the past. If we could make perfect amends in life then there would be no need for forgiveness.

Hanna

Send him here to the Friends and Family section, and we will straighten him out.

And congratulations on your sobriety.

ryan1983

Don't let him carry that guilt, it isn't his fault you know that but it sounds like he doesn't, he obviously loves you very much, and imagine how hard it was for him to betray you, you were his big brother, his hero, and he had to betray you because he knew that you were hurting yourself. That's serious stuff at that age, I felt betrayed by my brothers when they went to my parents with my addiction, at the time I hated them, and now we are closer then ever and can tell each other anything, I am still working on getting sober but I am trying, today is actually my first day clean for the gazillionth time, but this time I want it so bad, I am moving cities in a couple weeks, hopefully this is it for me. Let your brother know that it isn't his fault and if he hadn't helped you stop you might still be in that world.

Buser

I spoke with him and explained how I feel, he was very emotional.and very happy. Since this is his favorite time of year I've decided to spend it with him, he really liked it when we went to a tree farm and cut down a tree, etc.
I think I will send him to the friends and family forum.

eJoshua

I'm so happy you've reconciled, well done. Now you can really enjoy the season.

Sapling

That's awesome...I was kind of scared about doing amends...It was pretty amazing how positive most of them came out....Can't win them all...But sounds like you won this one...I'm sure you both feel a lot better and you can start a new life together...That's wonderful. Be an example for him to follow...You know how to do that.

Hanna

That is really awesome, Buser. My oldest brother put me through some pretty bad things, both when I was a teen and more recently. I love him unconditionally, even when I've been hurt and angry. There is a special kind of bond between siblings that we could never have with any other person. It's been an honor to be able to love and support my brother through some of his worst times. A few weeks ago I was struggling with my own issues, and for the first time in many years my brother was able to be there for me with true understanding and words of wisdom. It turned my attitude around instantly in a way that no one else really could have done at that moment. The fact that he's plowing through much deeper troubles made me think "I can do this!" Keep moving forward on your path and, like mine, you'll be the awesome big brother that you've been before and are meant to be.