FML

Well I'm an alcoholic. It's not so much that I was in denial, as unaware.

I go several days at a time without drinking to take a break, sometimes longer.

Because I am able to do that, I have thought that although I have a problem and I drink way too much when I do drink..I'm not really an alcoholic.

OK I've done some research today and I was wrong. The cravings, the "deals" I make and break with myself, not remembering things,embarrassing myself, injuring myself, getting massive hangovers....

I guess I can be an alcohlic even if I don't need to drink every day or every week for that matter. (Besides, I fear that it could lead to that some day) Even though no one else seems to think I am, even though I haven't done anything horrible or messed up my life because of alcohol..I'm sure that kind of thing doesn't always happen over night. Why wait until it does?

So the "deal" that I made about giving up alcohol on New Years is off. Instead I will bring in the New Year with a clear head instead of a hangover. The last time I drank was on Saturday, so I guess I'm officially on day 3 of sobriety.

I am nervous and I know this won't be easy, but I think it will make my life easier in the long run.

[I think this is the 3rd post I did today, I hope I'm not getting annoying..sorry if I am]

flamingredhair

Day 3 for me too, so we can walk the walk together. :-)

I will likely be here on New Years Eve since it will be the first dry one for me in 20 years. It will be very different but in a good way. We'll be amongst those without a hangover the next day!

Good luck and congratulations on a good decision!

FML

I think it's actually a good time to quit. Before I thought it was too hard because of the holidays and temptations. But then there are so many things to enjoy other than alcohol during the holidays. Just the Christmas music on the radio puts me in a good mood. I think it will be helpful to kick start this during a happy time, rather than after the party is over. We will party sober! HAHAHA! I cracked myself up just then.
Also it will be cool to do some reflecting when New Year comes around.

Dee74

I'm glad you made that decision FML - I'm sure you will be too

D

eJoshua

Good for you FML! Here's to a sober holiday season.

The sooner you quit drinking the sooner you can start healing.

EmeraldRose

Great decision. And it is a great time to quit. Good for you. I'm proud of your decision.

freshstart57

Well done, FML. I am so with you on the 'do this thing right now' thing. Your new life is waiting for you, just around the corner. Keep posting about your journey so that other folks can take encouragement from your success.

ReadyAndAble

Good for you, FML. I often hear people say they wish they'd quit sooner. I haven't heard anyone say they wish they'd postponed it longer.

TheTinMan

Congrats on having 3 days sober!!

The decision to stop now rather than later is always a good one.

Tigger41

FML - post 100 or 1000 times who cares. For me you coming here and trying to stop for real to get your life back is great news. Stick with Flaming and me - we're both new to this and I have the same talks and are coming to the same conclusions as you.

Post, post, post.

Oh and come visit us at the Class of November thread on the Support threads board.

debsam

FML - you're not annyoying me...at all ~ just made me smile

Best decision - now go and get the life you deserve!!

LoftyIdeals

Well done, FML. Great choice! Congrats on 3 days, and on your earnest resolve.

cantopop

Yeah, I've been doing "deals" for the last three years. "I'll take a break from the beers after I changed job","I'll just drink on this business-trip, once I come back home I'll be sober for a month", etc.

Just the fact that we make these deals shows that there are something very wrong, "normal" people don't make these kind of deals. The "deal" making is for me the biggest reason I've stopped, it really pointed out how weird my relation to alcohol is. And so far so good, things are easier sober than hangover/drunk/waiting to get drunk.

The first days might be rough, just hang in there, things get better.

DarrenW

Hang in there. Obviously the Holidays might be tempting, but I promise you will wake up feeling so proud of yourself. Not worth the guilt. Good luck.

ovrock

Good to hear. It's day three for me also, and apart from the bad dreams and insomnia, I feel a bit better. Reading your post remind me so much of myself. I could do without alcohol for days, even a couple weeks. But when I do drink, it is bad. My binges were getting longer and longer, and the after effects more violent each time. I am an alcoholic, most people say I'm not, but I know it.

Just think, we're in this together. Right now, you guys are helping me through this initial period so much. Thank you....

langkah

Great that you've decided you have a solid reason to not drink, and well done on your 3 days.

FML

Cantopop..same with me. The deal making is what put up red flags. I'll find myself daydreaming about how to successfully plan out drinking weeks in advance, like for events where I know I'll want to drink. Honestly, I did it today. My husband told me about the Christmas party we're going to in a few weeks, that there's probably going to be a party van to transport people. It sounded like a lot of fun. I started thinking "well instead of getting drunk, I will drive so that I will only be able to have 2 drinks. That way I will be able to interact socially but I won't get out of control and I won't drink until then and "..blah blah blah I had to stop myself.
Obviously I haven't told my husband I've made the decision not to drink anymore, which I need to do. I think the reason I haven't told him is because I'm afraid of failing, but maybe the real reason is that I'm trying to keep the option open. I've come to the conclusion that I might lie to myself without even realizing it, and that's scary. I feel like the cartoon angel is on one shoulder, and the devil on the other. Except they aren't as distinguishable because they both sound just like me.

FML

Oh and THANK YOU EVERYONE for the encouragement!