Good and Bad
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Randolph NJ
Posts: 70
Good and Bad
Hello-
I recently posted my story on here about for recent sobriety (about 15 months now). It seems I now have a new problem that I have to tackle and that is dealing with my alcoholic parents. I moved back in with my parents about 2 years ago due to my financial state before I got sober. A little about them, they have been heavy drinkers since I was a child. I have felt that I have been in the "caretaker" role for some time now, since I was a child. My sister moved away when she was 18 about 400 miles away so she's close enough for them to see the grandkids but not close enough, if you know what I mean.
I have scraped my dad off the floor numerous times, helped him to bed, watched him fall down stairs, etc since I was a kid. My father has always been very distant emotionally since I was a kid. Rarely did I recieve praise or approval. He was never phsyically abusive, he always held a job and supported the family financially. Basically looking back on my alcohol "career" me and my Dad were drinking buddies. It was the only way I could connect with him. Since I quit I actually get the sense that he is angry that I quit. He has never once mentioned anything about my sobriety, good or bad. My mom just recently retired and is sort of a shut in. She drinks win regularly, but doesn't get plastered. I get along with her much better than my father.
Right now they are both retired and they are not in good financial shape. A foreclosure on the house may be possible within 2 years. I have been chipping in with money as rent, at a fair amount, but with a little resentment on my part, I would like to get my own place at some point. I am trying to be "the Good Son", but I fear that the issues I stated are effecting my own recovery.
What bought this all up is that I went on my first date since I got sober last night. I was terrified that it was going to be a disaster and, of course, it wound up being the best thing I've done in a long time. My sobriety came up in the conversation at dinner (I ordered a Coke) and my date seemed really cool with that she doesn't drink too much either. We had a great time and I have a feeling that we will be going out again. I got home and felt totally wired and I barely slept last night.
The today the doubts crept in. I felt like drinking, not a huge craving but it was there. All kinds of self-esteem issues that I thought were gone started to creep to the surface. Also I really like this girl so far and I am terrified of having the talk about why exactly I'm sober, my recovery, etc. I don't want her to run for the hills.
I know this is a huge rambling post but any advice or comments would be welcomed.
I recently posted my story on here about for recent sobriety (about 15 months now). It seems I now have a new problem that I have to tackle and that is dealing with my alcoholic parents. I moved back in with my parents about 2 years ago due to my financial state before I got sober. A little about them, they have been heavy drinkers since I was a child. I have felt that I have been in the "caretaker" role for some time now, since I was a child. My sister moved away when she was 18 about 400 miles away so she's close enough for them to see the grandkids but not close enough, if you know what I mean.
I have scraped my dad off the floor numerous times, helped him to bed, watched him fall down stairs, etc since I was a kid. My father has always been very distant emotionally since I was a kid. Rarely did I recieve praise or approval. He was never phsyically abusive, he always held a job and supported the family financially. Basically looking back on my alcohol "career" me and my Dad were drinking buddies. It was the only way I could connect with him. Since I quit I actually get the sense that he is angry that I quit. He has never once mentioned anything about my sobriety, good or bad. My mom just recently retired and is sort of a shut in. She drinks win regularly, but doesn't get plastered. I get along with her much better than my father.
Right now they are both retired and they are not in good financial shape. A foreclosure on the house may be possible within 2 years. I have been chipping in with money as rent, at a fair amount, but with a little resentment on my part, I would like to get my own place at some point. I am trying to be "the Good Son", but I fear that the issues I stated are effecting my own recovery.
What bought this all up is that I went on my first date since I got sober last night. I was terrified that it was going to be a disaster and, of course, it wound up being the best thing I've done in a long time. My sobriety came up in the conversation at dinner (I ordered a Coke) and my date seemed really cool with that she doesn't drink too much either. We had a great time and I have a feeling that we will be going out again. I got home and felt totally wired and I barely slept last night.
The today the doubts crept in. I felt like drinking, not a huge craving but it was there. All kinds of self-esteem issues that I thought were gone started to creep to the surface. Also I really like this girl so far and I am terrified of having the talk about why exactly I'm sober, my recovery, etc. I don't want her to run for the hills.
I know this is a huge rambling post but any advice or comments would be welcomed.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Philly PA
Posts: 814
yo466 Great you had a wonderful first date and sounds like she likes you!! DOn't drink silly.
As far as your parents - rough situation but they are adults and so are you. While you're living there I see that you have a responsibility to the household and keeping it running money wise as well as keeping the place up - cleaning etc. But once you move out then you are all adults responsible for your own house etc.
Stay strong - don't drink - sounds like you don't want to end up like your Dad.
As far as your parents - rough situation but they are adults and so are you. While you're living there I see that you have a responsibility to the household and keeping it running money wise as well as keeping the place up - cleaning etc. But once you move out then you are all adults responsible for your own house etc.
Stay strong - don't drink - sounds like you don't want to end up like your Dad.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 163
Don't feel guilty about not telling her about your having trouble with alcohol at the beginning. You might scare her away! I am sure there are things about her too that would scare you away too, if she told you all of her problems at the beginning. Just tell her later when you get closer. If you want. It's up to you, but I wouldn't want you to scare her away if you really like her 
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