Meth dad
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Bellingham
Posts: 513
Meth dad
After selling his house, my father got into meth. A lonely, troubled man, a narcissistic author and child of the 60s, he didn't think twice when the ex cons working on his house at the time offered him a hit. He incorporated meth usage into his identity. A beat writer. A child of the 60s. He told me that getting addicted was as depicted in Bouroughs's 'The Junky.' A process of several months.
In 5 years, he spent over 300k living out of a one room bungalow. As my brother and I struggled, he spent it all on himself, on meth, on meth for his meth addicted girlfriend, and on maniacle book, stamp and post-card collecting.
We were sanguine about his addiction. We did not intervene. We didn't want to cross him. We worshipped at the cult of him. We were proud of him in a way for being totally odd. I was angry at him for what he was doing. I didn't want to have to intervene. I've been intervening in the lives of my child parents my whole life. Intervening with my emotions, using my own feelings as a defense against their feelings.
The problem really began when he ran out of money. The addiction got him there; the poverty turned him into a really angry addict. He didn't have enough. He became homeless, started demanding money. After spending 350k, it seemed absurd. I live on 15k a year.
Now he's on social security. He's a 63 year old meth addict. Unapologetic, world-blaming kingfish wise ass. I write him. I wade through his insults and personal aspersions. He says I am 'too sensative.' Hehe.
There's nothing more I can do. I can't invest there anymore.
Anyone have a similar experience?
In 5 years, he spent over 300k living out of a one room bungalow. As my brother and I struggled, he spent it all on himself, on meth, on meth for his meth addicted girlfriend, and on maniacle book, stamp and post-card collecting.
We were sanguine about his addiction. We did not intervene. We didn't want to cross him. We worshipped at the cult of him. We were proud of him in a way for being totally odd. I was angry at him for what he was doing. I didn't want to have to intervene. I've been intervening in the lives of my child parents my whole life. Intervening with my emotions, using my own feelings as a defense against their feelings.
The problem really began when he ran out of money. The addiction got him there; the poverty turned him into a really angry addict. He didn't have enough. He became homeless, started demanding money. After spending 350k, it seemed absurd. I live on 15k a year.
Now he's on social security. He's a 63 year old meth addict. Unapologetic, world-blaming kingfish wise ass. I write him. I wade through his insults and personal aspersions. He says I am 'too sensative.' Hehe.
There's nothing more I can do. I can't invest there anymore.
Anyone have a similar experience?
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Hi and Welcome to SR!
I do not have experience with a meth addicted loved one. I do have experience of sitting in Alanon meetings with members that are there because of a meth addicted loved one. (I live in a small community with only one Alanon meeting available for 120 miles).
I hope you will stick around and post as needed. We are here to support you.
We also have a forum for Adult Children of Addicts and a forum for Friends and Family of Substance Abusers.
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed.
I do not have experience with a meth addicted loved one. I do have experience of sitting in Alanon meetings with members that are there because of a meth addicted loved one. (I live in a small community with only one Alanon meeting available for 120 miles).
I hope you will stick around and post as needed. We are here to support you.
We also have a forum for Adult Children of Addicts and a forum for Friends and Family of Substance Abusers.
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
It is sad to hear our parents words that cut
us to the core knowing they are sick, but still
they brought us in this world.
My dad would often tell me, forgive your
mom because she is sick and doesnt mean
what she says or does to you. Right, id say
to myself as tears and pain riped thru my
hurt little body.
Fo give her for she not knows what she is
doing. Sheesh, i firmly believe in moments
of her clarity she knew exactly what she was
doing to me. Merely repeating the same physical
and verbal abuse she sustained from her own
sick mother.
I drank to numb the resentments and harbored
feeling i had of her. Then I got sober and worked
thru some of those feelings and realized it wasnt
about me. I am a precious child that didnt deserve
to be hurt like I did by loved ones.
Today both of my parents are still alive but I
have no contact with them as I had to sever
my relationship with them. Today my recover
is important to my health and welfare to have
anyone try to mess with it, even if its loved
ones.
Today I dont place myself in sick situations
that would infect my recovery.
us to the core knowing they are sick, but still
they brought us in this world.
My dad would often tell me, forgive your
mom because she is sick and doesnt mean
what she says or does to you. Right, id say
to myself as tears and pain riped thru my
hurt little body.
Fo give her for she not knows what she is
doing. Sheesh, i firmly believe in moments
of her clarity she knew exactly what she was
doing to me. Merely repeating the same physical
and verbal abuse she sustained from her own
sick mother.
I drank to numb the resentments and harbored
feeling i had of her. Then I got sober and worked
thru some of those feelings and realized it wasnt
about me. I am a precious child that didnt deserve
to be hurt like I did by loved ones.
Today both of my parents are still alive but I
have no contact with them as I had to sever
my relationship with them. Today my recover
is important to my health and welfare to have
anyone try to mess with it, even if its loved
ones.
Today I dont place myself in sick situations
that would infect my recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Bellingham
Posts: 513
I hear ya Sharon. Thanks for reminding me of compassion. I can be so angry at both of them for the immature crap they put me through as a little kid, the shouting and screaming, the violence, the self-affirming, narcissistic emotional usage, the games, the shuttling of me back and forth, the lovers, the chaos. They seemed so ego drive. Their egoes were simply larger than mine, wraught of a period of prosperity in which everyone had kids, a job, and no one thought about the future. Thank god I'm not like that.
And so I drank as well. Am almost 3 weeks dry though and it is fantastic!
Hell yes, you were a precioius child that didn't deserve that and you are a precious adult that deserves the company of people who treat others with respect.
And so I drank as well. Am almost 3 weeks dry though and it is fantastic!
Hell yes, you were a precioius child that didn't deserve that and you are a precious adult that deserves the company of people who treat others with respect.
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