Windblown

My As came over today. He has been clean about a week. The old sparkle is back in his eyes. I have not seen him in a month. He came and got the rest of his things, says he's looking for a place to live, and is currently living in some friend's apt. He asked if I had any change and I said, no. I did give him some supper that I had cooked earlier. It's very hard not to help him monetarily but I did not. He's not going to meetings but I didn't push. I didn't know if he was dead or alive. I was just glad to see him and hug him and tell him I loved him. I know not to get too excited or hopeful but it sure was nice to see him. He said that he decided the drug lifestyle wasn't getting him anywhere. So he quit. But I know it will hard to stay stopped with no support. But he'll have to deal with that...or not. Anyway, he wants to be on his own.

It's all very strange. Guess he just didn't want to live here anymore with the rules we HAD to lay down after detox. He's really broke and thin. But I figure he needs to go his own way. He basically took all his stuff. His old bedroom is very empty.

357girl

it's always good to see our children, to tell them we love them and then let them go about their life. we hope they get it some day.

Ann

It is so nice for both of you that he came to visit today. And your thinking when he was there and now is very clear and healthy.

It sounds like he wants to be on a better path and it's good that he will learn in his own way how to do that.

Keeping you both in my prayers.

Hugs

TMZ

YOU did good. I am glad he is ok and thinking about changes. Glad you got to see him and let him know you love him.

Ilovemysonjj

Windblown, nothing hurts our hearts more than our children leaving home. Ours left at 20 and then all **&$^$ broke loose in his life. Your son is mature and sees what he Doesn"t want with drugs and that lifestyle. Just love him and wish him the best in his endeavors. Mine is now in an inhouse rehab, hasn't reached out since day 1 there, but I am at peace knowing as a 21 year old, he has to learn how to survive in this world without me holding his hand. Codie's of the world unite!

Windblown

Ugh...I didn't sleep well. All night I thought about what I may have said to him...that if he didn't get support of some kind and was still living with drug friends he would have a 0 chance of recovery. I also had a whole notebook page of phone numbers for recovery options plastered to the kitchen wall that I didn't give him. But I did ask him if he was going to meetings and he did say no...he was going to quit on his own. I'm not supposed to lecture, right? But I could have given him the numbers and said....if and when you truly want to get clean take theses numbers...I could have suggested a half way house. But I didn't. He asked us for $5.00 when he left and we said, no. He came to get the title to his motorcycle so he could sell it. My husband said we probably won't hear from him for awhile. I was doig so well yesterday, today, I feel like I lost an opportunity to help him. But I have also heard not to offer help, until he asked. Basically, he asked for his motorcycle title so he could sell it....that is why he was over. I need a meeting.

Justlizzyd

Windblown,

As a mother, I understand you second guessing yourself. However, nothing you could have said to him, numbers for meeting, rehab, or support, would have made a difference. My kids will always be my babies, however they are grown. I have to remember that they have the same sources I do for whatever they are looking for. I babied my AH too, looking up stuff for him, buying him books, sending him links for different programs of recovery. I finally stopped doing that. He is a grown man just like your son is grown but a lot younger than my AH. DO NOT beat yourself up. You did great. You told him you loved him and by not enabling him and allowing him to be a man, you also showed him you loved him. When you son is ready for help with his addiction, he will come to you asking for help, that is when you give him the numbers.

I know you are going through a terrible time, I just want you to know we are here and my heart goes out to you.

Windblown

You don't think I should call him then...gosh. He doesn't have a cell phone anymore and he lost his license again. And the one number he did call us from I have in my cell but the man whose number it is didn't sound very nice when I was returning my As call two weeks ago. Should I call and just remind him that we will always be there to support in his recovery and I have places he can go and a list of helpful numbers when and if he needs them? Because he was sober...he was trying. And he is only 18. He just doesn't want to get any help....wants to do it on his own...should I remind him that didn't work in the past? Is it even possible to get clean without some kind of support? And I would like to mention what a half way house is...I would pay for that. He lived in his car for awhile but...oh boy...I feel anxious.

Sorry guys...my sponsor out of town Again! Should I call...should I not.....

Windblown

I have to let go again.

Windblown

Naranon Thought For The Day Nov. 3

Recovery is a spiritual journey. I am learning to trust that my Higher Power is capable of taking care of the addict as well as me. This gives me peace.

suki44883

He already knows the things you want to tell him. I know this is hard. It's CRAZY HARD, but it isn't about you, it's about him. What he needs to do if he wants help is very, very simple. He's a smart guy and knows what to do when, and if, he is ready. Step away from the addict and keep your hands to yourself. Yes, a meeting sounds really good.

Windblown

O.k.

TMZ

You did good in the first place.
The HP did not have you do the things you though of later for the very reason it was no the right thing to do. (some one is watching over you.)

Let go and let god.

Justlizzyd

Windblown, I am going to share with you a prayer I wrote, printed off and keep with me to pray when I start to feel like I am wanting to control again. I pull it out to remind me. You can write one to fit your situation but mine goes something like this:

God, I place ___ in your hands. I know I cannot do anything for him but you can. All my atempts to make ___ want recovery have failed. All my attempts to control the situation have been futile, I am at my wits end. God, please take this burden off of me. Please help me to relase/detach from ____ addiction and God, help me to trust you. Help me not to worry, stress or obsess over ____addiction. Help me to have peace in my life no matter what is going on around me. Help me to set boundries and to enforce them. Help me to say what I mean and mean what I say. God, please give me courage, please please give me the courage to change.

I hope this helps. (((hugs)))

Windblown

It does...thanks Justlzzyd!

JMFburns

Great prayer Justlizzyd. I know I have done the same sort of thing over the past 2-3 years - found something that REALLY helped - turned it into a prayer, printed it off and carried it around. Just remembering to put that faith in my HPs hands helps to give me some peace of mind.

Anaya

Windblown: You mentioned being strong during your son's visit then later couldn't sleep...doubt creeping in. Nighttime was pretty bad for me, too, waking up with anxiety, fear, and doubt; thankfully, that has lessened with time and help. I had learned through others to turn my burdens over to and trust in my HP and that has been helpful.

Sending wishes that the meetings will be helpful for you to find peace of mind and hope you feel a little stronger every day.

Impurrfect

(((Windblown))) - you did great. I also understand the second guessing thing.

Let me just tell you this, from an A's perspective. When we want help, really, really want it? We find it. Lord knows I learned a LOT about finding what I wanted when I was using, I put that same energy into finding help when I was ready.

For me, I had lurked on here for over a year...still took me 6 months into recovery to actually sign ON, but a lot of seeds had been planted. I reached out to family members and friends who'd never stopped loving me.

I haven't gone to meetings since I began crack, but that doesn't mean I'm doing it on my own. For some, meetings are absolutely wonderful. For me, I just use what I learned there, use SR and my friends here, and others I've discovered who are very supportive yet don't coddle me. When I have a bad day, my most favorite aunt will say "ya know? That just sucks, but you'll get through it like you have everything else" She lets me talk, but HER faith in me to deal with stuff that life throws me is an awesome gift, and I am grateful for the people that do that.

Your son will find his way onto "recovery road" in his own time and his own way when he wants it bad enough. If he calls and say "mom, I need help but don't know where to look", you give him the numbers and let him make the phone calls.

It's hard, believe me, I know. However, giving someone the gift of letting them live their own lives, figuring out what works and what doesn't work is truly the most loving thing we can do.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

outtolunch

This is the bottomline, right now.

Addiction demands he protect and sustain it at all costs. He knows you love him. Addiction however, controls him. You say you will help him to seek recovery. His addict mind hears help=$$$= score.