I'm depressed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Corinth, TX
Posts: 490
I'm depressed
Feeling sorry for myself, depressed, and constantly fighting tears. Not drinking means I am slowly losing my marriage. I've been nothing but a housewife for 23 years. He continues to drink as do all of our friends so I'm constantly struggling to just not want to drink and feeling left out. Also, I think I drank to cover up the fact that I really don't respect my husband very much. At all. He can be condescending, sarcastic, hypocritical, verbally and emotionally abusive. Now that I'm not drinking (78 days) it's all the more obvious to me. And the only thing we really have in common is the drinking so without that I don't have much to say to him. Nor do I want him to touch me. I figured out in the past I'd go back to drinking just so I could feel a connection to my husband and because I'm scared to be alone. Mostly for financial reasons, but also because I have lupus and my son has cancer and I can't do all this alone. The further away I get from that last drink the healthier I get and I know eventually I'd not be able to stay in this marriage and be true to myself. Gosh I sound like a mess. And it's Friday night and we have 2 social engagements this weekend PLUS Halloween and it's hard to go thru them not drinking. Right now I'm just wanting to pick out a beautiful bottle of wine and pour myself a glass. I'm scared. Being healthy and sober stinks sometimes. I always end up sabotaging myself and I don't want to do that right now. Not really. I'm just depressed and confused. Sorry to be so long winded in this post. I don't know what to do and I wonder if I'll ever truly know happiness.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Eliasson,
You are going through so many difficulties. I feel for you. I would not presume to advise you on your marital problems, perhaps Alanon would help.
You gave up alcohol for a reason, remember why you gave up.
All the best
CaiHong
You are going through so many difficulties. I feel for you. I would not presume to advise you on your marital problems, perhaps Alanon would help.
You gave up alcohol for a reason, remember why you gave up.
All the best
CaiHong
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
You do know what to do
Stay sober thats what to do. Regretably yuo and your son have physical problems. I dont have any of those problems and I'm depressed and confused. It sounds to me you choose to be sober so dont sabotage yourself.
Suffer through it, you will be glad you did.
Congratulations on the 78 days.
Suffer through it, you will be glad you did.
Congratulations on the 78 days.
Titanium
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Tolland County, CT
Posts: 45
as difficult as it may be, try to focus on all the positives in your life.
i find it helpful to make a list of negatives and positives in the hope that at any given moment, the positives outnumber the negatives. if i'm honest and willing, they always do.
i find it helpful to make a list of negatives and positives in the hope that at any given moment, the positives outnumber the negatives. if i'm honest and willing, they always do.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,516
Maybe you could consider some counselling for yourself as to how to deal with your marriage issues.
I wouldn't have gone to social engagements at 78 days sober. It was far too intense for me to try to get through something like that. I hope you can get through the weekend and stay on course for your recovery.
I wouldn't have gone to social engagements at 78 days sober. It was far too intense for me to try to get through something like that. I hope you can get through the weekend and stay on course for your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
I'm so sorry to hear you're depressed. I really wish we could go out for coffee or to a funny movie. Do you have any sober friends you can turn to for support?
I hope you feel better soon. I can relate to your feelings but I am not nearly as far along in my sobriety, so, I say good job for staying sober, and keep up the strength no matter what.
I hope you feel better soon. I can relate to your feelings but I am not nearly as far along in my sobriety, so, I say good job for staying sober, and keep up the strength no matter what.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
Good time to start seeing a counselor and see if he or she can help you with your depression. Why not try to talk to your husband about the issues you have with alcohol and your feelings about him. He maybe going throw the same thing but don't want to stay anything because he feel like he is weak if he does. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
I'm sorry, Eliasson. I have had my share of burdens, including divorce, but I've never had to carry so much at one time.
For a while, it felt like sobriety was one of those burdens. But after a few months, I realized it had turned into a source of strength. I can't control much in my life, but I have absolute control over whether I return to active alcoholism. And I believe that as long as I'm sober, I have a chance at happiness. If I'm drinking, I don't, simple as that. And here's the question that really keeps in line: If I have a drink, how do I know if I will ever be able to stop again?
Beautiful bottle? For other folks, sure. But from where I sit, that cork is holding back an ocean of misery.
The early days of recovery are a leap of faith. At least they were for me. You are moving in the right direction, Eliasson. Trust in yourself and your sobriety. I don't know when happier times will arrive, but they will. And tomorrow you will be exactly 79 days closer to them.
For a while, it felt like sobriety was one of those burdens. But after a few months, I realized it had turned into a source of strength. I can't control much in my life, but I have absolute control over whether I return to active alcoholism. And I believe that as long as I'm sober, I have a chance at happiness. If I'm drinking, I don't, simple as that. And here's the question that really keeps in line: If I have a drink, how do I know if I will ever be able to stop again?
Beautiful bottle? For other folks, sure. But from where I sit, that cork is holding back an ocean of misery.
The early days of recovery are a leap of faith. At least they were for me. You are moving in the right direction, Eliasson. Trust in yourself and your sobriety. I don't know when happier times will arrive, but they will. And tomorrow you will be exactly 79 days closer to them.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: US
Posts: 51
It doesn't sound like your a mess to me, actually it sounds like your'e seeing things much more clearly now that youv'e stopped drinking. I know you are strugling with alot of challenges in your life right now, but alcohol will only make them worse. Stay sober. Like you said the longer you go without a drink the healthier you become. Stick with it....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 1,387
Eliasson,
You are one of my favorite posters. Not only because you have such a kind heart, but you are strong and very giving. You have so much on your plate, but you have such a good spirit. I wish I could do something to help you.
I was in an 18 year marriage with a person that must be a clone of your husband. I am convinced he is a psychopath. I actually had to leave Atlanta (after living there 30 years) just to get away from him. I know that is not a good solution for you right now. It is a terrible feeling to be trapped, one that I know well also. I think the emotional and mental abuse is the worse. I often wished he would beat me up so that I could prove his abuse. He was too smart to do something that showed. Oh, and him touching me (sex) was the worst!!
You have got to ride it out, but your sobriety will do nothing but help you, although it seems easier to deal with it when you are numb, but don't, please. Have you thought about counseling, or seeking a free meeting for those going through the same thing? There are hotlines to call for abused women. I think you need some support. My exhusband made me feel like I was going crazy....always about the time I was beginning to figure it out. I know right now you are kind of stuck, but try to do things like finding support to help you. I actually have PTSD from the experience, so I know you are in pain. Please PM me if you feel like it. Not that I am all knowing, but I know where you are coming from. Hell. Love and hugs to you.
You are one of my favorite posters. Not only because you have such a kind heart, but you are strong and very giving. You have so much on your plate, but you have such a good spirit. I wish I could do something to help you.
I was in an 18 year marriage with a person that must be a clone of your husband. I am convinced he is a psychopath. I actually had to leave Atlanta (after living there 30 years) just to get away from him. I know that is not a good solution for you right now. It is a terrible feeling to be trapped, one that I know well also. I think the emotional and mental abuse is the worse. I often wished he would beat me up so that I could prove his abuse. He was too smart to do something that showed. Oh, and him touching me (sex) was the worst!!
You have got to ride it out, but your sobriety will do nothing but help you, although it seems easier to deal with it when you are numb, but don't, please. Have you thought about counseling, or seeking a free meeting for those going through the same thing? There are hotlines to call for abused women. I think you need some support. My exhusband made me feel like I was going crazy....always about the time I was beginning to figure it out. I know right now you are kind of stuck, but try to do things like finding support to help you. I actually have PTSD from the experience, so I know you are in pain. Please PM me if you feel like it. Not that I am all knowing, but I know where you are coming from. Hell. Love and hugs to you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
I don't usually post on this side, but your title intrigued me.
I really resonated with your story.
I am in long-term recovery (11+ years) from an eating disorder. During that recovery journey I met and married a problem drinker. I was working on my own "stuff" the whole marriage including counseling etc. All of which was great, and I would not change a thing about that. I spent many a counseling session declaring that I would work on the "relationship" when I had "fixed" myself more.
About 18mths ago I realized it was more than just me and my problems impacting my relationship. That helped me get through the doors of Al-anon, and it is one of the best things I have ever done for myself. Not only has it helped me to learn about myself in relationship with an alcoholic, but it has helped me with skills to take into all my relationships.
I am glad you are taking care of you by posting. Sending kind thoughts your way.
I really resonated with your story.
I am in long-term recovery (11+ years) from an eating disorder. During that recovery journey I met and married a problem drinker. I was working on my own "stuff" the whole marriage including counseling etc. All of which was great, and I would not change a thing about that. I spent many a counseling session declaring that I would work on the "relationship" when I had "fixed" myself more.
About 18mths ago I realized it was more than just me and my problems impacting my relationship. That helped me get through the doors of Al-anon, and it is one of the best things I have ever done for myself. Not only has it helped me to learn about myself in relationship with an alcoholic, but it has helped me with skills to take into all my relationships.
I am glad you are taking care of you by posting. Sending kind thoughts your way.
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