Eliasson,
You are one of my favorite posters. Not only because you have such a kind heart, but you are strong and very giving. You have so much on your plate, but you have such a good spirit. I wish I could do something to help you.
I was in an 18 year marriage with a person that must be a clone of your husband. I am convinced he is a psychopath. I actually had to leave Atlanta (after living there 30 years) just to get away from him. I know that is not a good solution for you right now. It is a terrible feeling to be trapped, one that I know well also. I think the emotional and mental abuse is the worse. I often wished he would beat me up so that I could prove his abuse. He was too smart to do something that showed. Oh, and him touching me (sex) was the worst!!
You have got to ride it out, but your sobriety will do nothing but help you, although it seems easier to deal with it when you are numb, but don't, please. Have you thought about counseling, or seeking a free meeting for those going through the same thing? There are hotlines to call for abused women. I think you need some support. My exhusband made me feel like I was going crazy....always about the time I was beginning to figure it out. I know right now you are kind of stuck, but try to do things like finding support to help you. I actually have PTSD from the experience, so I know you are in pain. Please PM me if you feel like it. Not that I am all knowing, but I know where you are coming from. Hell. Love and hugs to you.