tried being sober many times ,failed this year
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 33
tried being sober many times ,failed this year
hello everyone,
i am 22 years old student, and i have been drinking for last three years( first year was very ocassional but gradually increased and at these times it is closer to an alcoholic )
my problem i have to drink every night and almost 4 times a week . i have this urge always after 7 in the evening.i am not able to control this urge. i have tried many of deciding a date to end but never got past 7-10 days of sobriety.
MY problems are my circle that keep on contacting me for a drinking session in a couple of days and its seems difficult to say no , as i am used to the quality time with them. but i want to leave it and fight the urge.so guys please help me selectively fight this urge
1) how to control the urge during evening time until the shop closes (i have tried the method of eating heavy which reduces the urge which works each day randomly )
2) how to give up on friends as they are only linked through alcohol and if i leave alchohol ,i leave them.
i seriously need your help guys, as i want to accomplish something in the near future and its becoming a serious hindrance towards that .
thank you for reading till here !!
i am 22 years old student, and i have been drinking for last three years( first year was very ocassional but gradually increased and at these times it is closer to an alcoholic )
my problem i have to drink every night and almost 4 times a week . i have this urge always after 7 in the evening.i am not able to control this urge. i have tried many of deciding a date to end but never got past 7-10 days of sobriety.
MY problems are my circle that keep on contacting me for a drinking session in a couple of days and its seems difficult to say no , as i am used to the quality time with them. but i want to leave it and fight the urge.so guys please help me selectively fight this urge
1) how to control the urge during evening time until the shop closes (i have tried the method of eating heavy which reduces the urge which works each day randomly )
2) how to give up on friends as they are only linked through alcohol and if i leave alchohol ,i leave them.
i seriously need your help guys, as i want to accomplish something in the near future and its becoming a serious hindrance towards that .
thank you for reading till here !!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Hi and Welcome,
It's hard to stop drinking but you can do it.
My advice is to change your routine, so at 7pm you are doing something different than usual. Go out for a long walk, go to a movie, call a friend, anything to take your mind off drinking for a few minutes. I know many of us have had to make the decision to leave drinking friends behind. It's hard to do, but to make recovery work, a lot of changes are needed.
It's hard to stop drinking but you can do it.
My advice is to change your routine, so at 7pm you are doing something different than usual. Go out for a long walk, go to a movie, call a friend, anything to take your mind off drinking for a few minutes. I know many of us have had to make the decision to leave drinking friends behind. It's hard to do, but to make recovery work, a lot of changes are needed.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
welcome amit0861
I tried for years to change my drinking without changing anything else in my life - it didn;t work for me. All my friends were drinking buddies - they couldn't understand wanting to stop....I had to make a choice - them or me.
It was a big decision but I didn't lose out on the deal - I found new friends and I reconnected with older ones...I rediscovered a life and interests I'd forgotten.
Sitting here on SR helped me through some early urge periods - support is very important and you'll find a lot here
have you thought about some real life support too maybe - counsellor, recovery group (AA SMART etc)?
D
I tried for years to change my drinking without changing anything else in my life - it didn;t work for me. All my friends were drinking buddies - they couldn't understand wanting to stop....I had to make a choice - them or me.
It was a big decision but I didn't lose out on the deal - I found new friends and I reconnected with older ones...I rediscovered a life and interests I'd forgotten.
Sitting here on SR helped me through some early urge periods - support is very important and you'll find a lot here
have you thought about some real life support too maybe - counsellor, recovery group (AA SMART etc)?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 33
thanks for the advice dee74 but i believe that i can do this without aa.
maybe guys you could suggest some more tips to tackle my specific problem because everyone has a different situation.
what should i do when a drinking calls me > because i cant say no
so, should i not pick up the phone ? or something to deal with it completely !
maybe guys you could suggest some more tips to tackle my specific problem because everyone has a different situation.
what should i do when a drinking calls me > because i cant say no
so, should i not pick up the phone ? or something to deal with it completely !
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I wasn't suggesting AA specifically - SMARTs another recovery group, there are many others....
I meant just support in general...
it can be every lonely to begin with when you start changing your life
D
I meant just support in general...
it can be every lonely to begin with when you start changing your life
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 33
can someone tell me how to get past the 10 days mark of sober until relapse( in my case)
and my problem is that i made a college circle upon partying frequently and i have i give up on them, i wont have any true friends and passing time around the college would be too difficult !
and my problem is that i made a college circle upon partying frequently and i have i give up on them, i wont have any true friends and passing time around the college would be too difficult !
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
You mentioned picking up the phone. Who would you call? All of your friends drink, right?
To be frank, I had to give up my playground (bars) and playmates (drinking friends) to achieve lasting sobriety.
To be frank, I had to give up my playground (bars) and playmates (drinking friends) to achieve lasting sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: texas
Posts: 38
Heyhey, I'm also in college. There are many many clubs and organizations on campus that do sober things. Even if you don't think you need AA it is a good way to pass the time and find a new circle of sober friends. You mention that you've had difficulty getting past the 7-10 day mark. That's where the sober connections come in handy. When you are faced with the drinking you'd have sober people to call and talk it out. College is an amazing place for networking for the future and the things we do on alcohol doesn't lead to the best professional connects down the road.. :P
It's been my experience that my drinking buddies weren't the truest of friends. I have more reliable and closer friendships sober than I ever did with the drinkers. You have to want to be sober. Like really really want it. If the pain of not changing becomes stronger than the fear of changing it'll happen.
Good luck and keep coming back We have to change our playground and playmates if we're going to change ourselves. At least that's been my experience.
It's been my experience that my drinking buddies weren't the truest of friends. I have more reliable and closer friendships sober than I ever did with the drinkers. You have to want to be sober. Like really really want it. If the pain of not changing becomes stronger than the fear of changing it'll happen.
Good luck and keep coming back We have to change our playground and playmates if we're going to change ourselves. At least that's been my experience.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Originally Posted by amit0861 
can someone tell me how to get past the 10 days mark of sober until relapse( in my case)
and my problem is that i made a college circle upon partying frequently and i have i give up on them, i wont have any true friends and passing time around the college would be too difficult !
and my problem is that i made a college circle upon partying frequently and i have i give up on them, i wont have any true friends and passing time around the college would be too difficult !
As to not having any true friends if you give up drinking... well, only if you think so. There are lots of people here who gave up their drinking buddies to achieve their goal of sobriety and still have a good social life, just with different friends.
As to passing time around the college being 'difficult' without drinking, again, only if you think so. It all depends on your attitude. How badly do you want to stop drinking??
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 33
Originally Posted by dgillz
You mentioned picking up the phone. Who would you call? All of your friends drink, right?
To be frank, I had to give up my playground (bars) and playmates (drinking friends) to achieve lasting sobriety.
To be frank, I had to give up my playground (bars) and playmates (drinking friends) to achieve lasting sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,126
Perhaps an AA meeting on campus will give you an opportunity to meet people just like you with the same desire.
I couldn't get past day 10 without being around others just like me who struggled just like me and who thought they were hopelessly unique in their struggles just like me only to find out it wasn't about me as much as it was about us.
That changed the way I look at a lot of things in life.
If AA isn't for you (and how do you know?) there are numerous other recovery programs out there, such as SMART. AVRT didn't work for me, but maybe it can work for you. I needed the face-to-face support and something stronger than me alone to get one year of sobriety.
I couldn't get past day 10 without being around others just like me who struggled just like me and who thought they were hopelessly unique in their struggles just like me only to find out it wasn't about me as much as it was about us.
That changed the way I look at a lot of things in life.
If AA isn't for you (and how do you know?) there are numerous other recovery programs out there, such as SMART. AVRT didn't work for me, but maybe it can work for you. I needed the face-to-face support and something stronger than me alone to get one year of sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 18
Hey, be strong. You have already proved that you want to make something of yourself so believe and accept. It is hard, very hard at times. I have lapsed more times than I care to remember but then I am a bit older than 22. My very dear friend said to me yesterday that in order for her to give up smoking (which I know is different) but it is an addiction, it took for her to actually see a video/photo of a smokers lung so perhaps us heavy drinkers need to see what we are actually doing to our livers. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Vancouver BC Canada
Posts: 384
Amit , I am not sure what you mean by stabilize the urge, if your an alcoholic , and I am not saying you are , only you can answer that , the "urge" never really goes away but how you respond to it can from what I have seen in people in recovery.
I would encourage you to review your drinking and be honest with yourself and see if there is a chance you are an alcoholic. The sooner you can identify that and work to dealing with it , the better. I drank away most of my 20's , 30's and early 40's with my own denial. Its progressive and never gets better only worse so take the time now and just check. This can save you a lot of grief and perhaps you life.
Take care and stay strong
I would encourage you to review your drinking and be honest with yourself and see if there is a chance you are an alcoholic. The sooner you can identify that and work to dealing with it , the better. I drank away most of my 20's , 30's and early 40's with my own denial. Its progressive and never gets better only worse so take the time now and just check. This can save you a lot of grief and perhaps you life.
Take care and stay strong
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: texas
Posts: 38
It's not a membership club. There's no fees or dues or commitments. You just go and sit down. Your misery has earned you your chair and that's enough.
Meeting formats vary. You'll go in and some readings will be done and then they might go around the introducing themselves. Like "Hi, I'm Emily and i'm an alcoholic" Following that there will be some sort of sharing done where one person talks at a time. They don't normally allow any sort of crosstalk so it's literally one person at a time shares and then the next. After or before the meeting is when you say you need help and get numbers from people.
12 step groups are nothing to be ashamed about. Some people could do it with other methods but I would have died without the twelve step fellowships. A closed meeting is one for alcoholics only or those who think they may have a problem and an open meeting is for anyone. You can look online for meeting times and locations based on where you are located.
Good luck and keep coming back.
Meeting formats vary. You'll go in and some readings will be done and then they might go around the introducing themselves. Like "Hi, I'm Emily and i'm an alcoholic" Following that there will be some sort of sharing done where one person talks at a time. They don't normally allow any sort of crosstalk so it's literally one person at a time shares and then the next. After or before the meeting is when you say you need help and get numbers from people.
12 step groups are nothing to be ashamed about. Some people could do it with other methods but I would have died without the twelve step fellowships. A closed meeting is one for alcoholics only or those who think they may have a problem and an open meeting is for anyone. You can look online for meeting times and locations based on where you are located.
Good luck and keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
