lifegoeson

i havent been on here in a while. i am having issues with my boyfriend who is the addict. i think he went from addiction to pill to pornography. its been going on for a while but recently i got the courage to say something to him about the pornography. he has been blaming not have intimate time with me because of him being clean. its been a couple days over 60 that he has been clean.i spoke to him about it but he has nothing to say. i feel stupid posting this but i was wondering if any of your significate others went to one addiction to another, and if anyone and any advice for me.

Chino

Anything that fires up the pleasure center of the brain can become addictive. Until your boyfriend seeks recovery, not just abstinence, he will likely continue swapping addictions.

My advice is to work the recovery program you wish he would. If you wish he'd go to AA or NA, then go to Alanon or Naranon yourself.

Once I started working the recovery I wished my daughter would, I soon realized that codependency is addiction, too. I was addicted to my daughter and her addiction. She was hooked on something bad for her and I was no different.

lifegoeson

i figured thats what he was doing swapping the pills for the porn kinda thing. it messing with me now the pills as all him but hes adding me in with not being (there). Now again i stick through the first addiction but i am so not sure if i can put up with this addiction now to. i know the first thing people think of when they read this is why im staying with him. actually i trully dont know.

Freedom1990

That's a good question to ask yourself. Just what are you getting out of the relationship?

There's a huge difference between abstinence and true recovery.

How low do you want your bar of standards to go?

Sending you hugs of support.

outtolunch

Very,very common to swap one addiction for another. Alcohol, other drugs, porn, gambling sex, you name it. All are interchangable and the cycle of addiction keeps on rolling.

He's not going to just one day snap out of it.

Regardless of who you thought he was or want or need him to be, he's an addict. His addiction to whatever compels him to protect it at any costs.

Blame shifting is a common tactic.

You did not cause this.
You cannot control this.
You cannot cure this.

He owns his recovery or not, 100%.

There is no prize at the end for those who stick around.

dollydo

He is switching one addiction for another, unless he is working a strong recovery program and in therapy, he will just keep jumping from one addiction to another, then he will be doing several things all at one time. Addiction is a progressive disease, he will be an addict all his life,are you willing to give up your happiness and well-being for someone who there is no future with?

Are you attending Naranon meetings? If not, I would suggest that you do so. And, read all the stickies at the top of this forum, knowledge is power.

lifegoeson

he was doing n/a but from what his sponsor said is that he wanted to help the newcomers girls instead of himself so his sponsor dropped him from being a sponsee. now he is not going and from what i know he is clean from drugs but i do understand that he should be working the program as should i. but with having my three children all the time its hard and i can never find a babysitter to go to naranon. i do have the book for it and i do read it often. i can see that it is gonna be a long road if i stay with him and its not gonna get better. he is unwilling to go to therapy. he doesnt think he is a problem with the porn but i def think he does. this situation def is a bummer.

December2011

Naw, I have had bad standated when it come s to my AS as far as being a fool, but i would not put up with a BF like that ever

dollydo

You have 3 children who should not be exposed to an addict under any circumstances. I cannot impress on you how determental this is to your children, they carry their childhood experiences into adulthood. What kind of an example are you setting for them?

If he is no longer in NA, he is white knuckling it, and since he was trying to entice young girls coupled with a porn addiction, it is obvious that he is not in recovery.

Why don't you let him go, no contact is would resolve all your issues with him. You deserve so much better, he is not worth your time and effort.