Boyfriend moved out.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 3
Boyfriend moved out.
My boyfriend moved out on Sunday. He was a huge enabler. I got wasted Monday to stop the pain but I think now I really have a chance to change my life. I'm absolutely devastated. I have no friends. My dog of 12 years needs to be put down on Thursday, which is giving me crazy panics attacks. I can't sleep. I'm scared to death I'm going to die when no one is at the house (PTSD from a car accident)... drinking always made me forget about this. I want to stop drinking today. My head and vision is completely spinning. I think I'm having withdraws. My job is a nightmare & I'm broke. I don't know where to start.
My relationship was terrible due to many things that were not easy to cope with. I believe he moved out of state already so I don't think I'll see him again. I'm going to miss having a boyfriend a great deal. I'm sick to death about him leaving but then again he wasn't good for me.
Today I feel so many things my head is spinning.
My relationship was terrible due to many things that were not easy to cope with. I believe he moved out of state already so I don't think I'll see him again. I'm going to miss having a boyfriend a great deal. I'm sick to death about him leaving but then again he wasn't good for me.
Today I feel so many things my head is spinning.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
You are not alone in feeling overwhelmed by problems. I used to think that 1) I had a huge amount of serious problems, far more than the average person, and 2) they were overly-difficult problems, with no solutions in sight.
I learned, finally, to put drinking at the top of my list of problems, and prioritize. I understood that if I didn't stop drinking, I wasn't going to be able to solve any of my other problems. Shortly after quitting, I realized as well that drinking caused most of my problems.
Once I was in recovery, I learned to accept that I wasn't going to solve many of my problems overnight, that I would have to just put them on the back burner and focus instead on my number one priority: recovery.
There are so many options for you to consider if you want to quit: you can start with a phone call to your doctor for recovery advice, you can find out about alcohol addiction treatment outpatient services, inpatient detox and rehab facilities, and go to an AA or a Smart meeting this very day.
Good luck: it's worth it to be sober!!!
I learned, finally, to put drinking at the top of my list of problems, and prioritize. I understood that if I didn't stop drinking, I wasn't going to be able to solve any of my other problems. Shortly after quitting, I realized as well that drinking caused most of my problems.
Once I was in recovery, I learned to accept that I wasn't going to solve many of my problems overnight, that I would have to just put them on the back burner and focus instead on my number one priority: recovery.
There are so many options for you to consider if you want to quit: you can start with a phone call to your doctor for recovery advice, you can find out about alcohol addiction treatment outpatient services, inpatient detox and rehab facilities, and go to an AA or a Smart meeting this very day.
Good luck: it's worth it to be sober!!!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
My life has always required I adjust to change...most importantly is that
when I quit drinking.....they often became positive rather than negetive...
Not all lovers are forever...and to my surprize...the man I thought
so fascinating and interesting...no longer appealed to the sober me.
You are doing the kindest act to help your dog leave his pain....
Welcome...
when I quit drinking.....they often became positive rather than negetive...
Not all lovers are forever...and to my surprize...the man I thought
so fascinating and interesting...no longer appealed to the sober me.
You are doing the kindest act to help your dog leave his pain....
Welcome...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: n.e. WI
Posts: 22
Well one thing to remember is things can and will get better. I'm glad to heat that you look at your friend moving out as a chance for change for the better because it is true. Take things one step at a time, even really small steps forward.. that is all it takes.
Sorry to hear about you dog I know those were always very hard times for me to deal with. The bad times in life are what makes the good times good. I wish you the best!
Sorry to hear about you dog I know those were always very hard times for me to deal with. The bad times in life are what makes the good times good. I wish you the best!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,787
Welcome to the family. I understand your feelings being conflicted. Bf may not have been good for you but it's still lonely when he leaves.
I'm sorry to hear about your dog. I had to do the same for my old beagirl this summer and am still hurting from her loss. I know I'd be even more hurt tho if I'd been drinking and not done that last act of kindness for her before she hurt herself even worse.
I hope we can help you get and stay sober. This site has helped me so much, I hope we can help you as much. :ghug3
I understand your feelings being conflicted. Bf may not have been good for you but it's still lonely when he leaves.
I'm sorry to hear about your dog. I had to do the same for my old beagirl this summer and am still hurting from her loss. I know I'd be even more hurt tho if I'd been drinking and not done that last act of kindness for her before she hurt herself even worse.I hope we can help you get and stay sober. This site has helped me so much, I hope we can help you as much. :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: St. Peters MO
Posts: 21
Take it one moment at a time. Focus on yourself and what you can do for yourself to get better, be better, feel better. Please remember, as you know; taking a drink will not make anything better. Find your fulfillment and happiness in the fact that you will make it, things will get better, and you will come out of all this a happy and joy filled person. Keep-on-keepin-on. May God bless you in your efforts.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by andromeda31 
I want to stop drinking today. My head and vision is completely spinning. I think I'm having withdraws. My job is a nightmare & I'm broke. I don't know where to start.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 67
Congratulations on being single!!!! I know you are probably thinking why on earth is this person congratulating me but from the looks of it this guy has done you a huge favor by moving out! Unhealthy relationships are the hardest to leave and get over. I know from personal experience. They can leave you feeling worthless and unloved, and like there is never going to be anyone better that wants you. That could not be farther from the truth. The truth is this guy and this relationship were a huge learning experience for you that although you may not see now you will see in the future. Take this newly found freedome and discover yourself. Find new activities and hobbies, perferably ones that dont involve drugs or drinking. Through this process you will meet new poeople and make new friends and before you know it this guy is going to be a distant memory and you will have a whole new life full of happiness and possibility!!!
Im sorry to hear about your dog I am a huge dog lover and know the saddness of loosing him is causing you. Try to reflect on the good times yall have had and if you can look at addopting a new dog from a local shelter to have as a new companion! We are all here for you and just know that you are not the only one going through this difficult time. Hope this helps!!!
Im sorry to hear about your dog I am a huge dog lover and know the saddness of loosing him is causing you. Try to reflect on the good times yall have had and if you can look at addopting a new dog from a local shelter to have as a new companion! We are all here for you and just know that you are not the only one going through this difficult time. Hope this helps!!!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome andromeda!
I'm so sorry you're hurting, but I'm glad it brought you here. We know what it's like. There are people here who have lost everything and have been able to turn things around.
I thing littlefish is right: getting sober has to be #1, because if we continue drinking it only gets worse. There is only one way to build a better life, and that's one day at a time. I'm glad you're here........:ghug3
I'm so sorry you're hurting, but I'm glad it brought you here. We know what it's like. There are people here who have lost everything and have been able to turn things around.
I thing littlefish is right: getting sober has to be #1, because if we continue drinking it only gets worse. There is only one way to build a better life, and that's one day at a time. I'm glad you're here........:ghug3
Came to Believe
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Montgomery AL
Posts: 507
Andromeda, I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. You've come to the right place though. Most of us have been there and know what you're going through. Keep coming back and posting. Remember that you don't have to drink, no matter how bad things get.
--Fenris.
--Fenris.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
Welcome andromeda 
I drank at a lot of reasons too - some depression and sorrow, but my pain was mostly physical.
The trouble is alcohol's really ineffective at pain relief - we have to keep re-applying it...it soon ceases to work as well anyway...and it brings a lot more problems with it.
I learned the best thing to do for pain was to reach out and get some help - coming here is a great start
There's other support available too - recovery groups like AA or SMART etc...counselling...you could ever start by having an honest chat with your Dr about what's going on.
I'm really sorry about your dog - I know that one of the hardest things to have to do.
D
I drank at a lot of reasons too - some depression and sorrow, but my pain was mostly physical.
The trouble is alcohol's really ineffective at pain relief - we have to keep re-applying it...it soon ceases to work as well anyway...and it brings a lot more problems with it.
I learned the best thing to do for pain was to reach out and get some help - coming here is a great start
There's other support available too - recovery groups like AA or SMART etc...counselling...you could ever start by having an honest chat with your Dr about what's going on.
I'm really sorry about your dog - I know that one of the hardest things to have to do.
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Andromeda,
Things are certainly looking bad at the moment but Sara23 does have a point about the boyfriend and you yourself said he was a "huge enabler". It probably would have been nearly impossibel to give up with him there.
Sorry about your dog, I lost mine a couple of years ago and still think about him, 12 years is a long time.
Do you think if you met with some support groups this may help?
All the best
CaiHong
Things are certainly looking bad at the moment but Sara23 does have a point about the boyfriend and you yourself said he was a "huge enabler". It probably would have been nearly impossibel to give up with him there.
Sorry about your dog, I lost mine a couple of years ago and still think about him, 12 years is a long time.
Do you think if you met with some support groups this may help?
All the best
CaiHong
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Mountains of W.N.C.
Posts: 198
Although slightly different in that I was told to leave, rather than being left, I went through the full range of emotions much as you describe.
However, with the help/support of the SR community & the Class of May, I'm currently at 150 days sober. Still single & the better for it as my relationship was unhealthy & honestly much of the reason I drank. You however have a leg up on me as you've already identified the relationship/boyfriend as an underlying issue, something that took me a couple of months to muddle through.
Do some research, find or develop a program that works for you as there are several options available. I also recommend joining the Class of October so that you'll be in a group with other's who have roughly the same amount of sober time.
I'm also sorry to hear about your dog, went through this with my Labs a couple of years ago, one right after the other.
However, with the help/support of the SR community & the Class of May, I'm currently at 150 days sober. Still single & the better for it as my relationship was unhealthy & honestly much of the reason I drank. You however have a leg up on me as you've already identified the relationship/boyfriend as an underlying issue, something that took me a couple of months to muddle through.
Do some research, find or develop a program that works for you as there are several options available. I also recommend joining the Class of October so that you'll be in a group with other's who have roughly the same amount of sober time.
I'm also sorry to hear about your dog, went through this with my Labs a couple of years ago, one right after the other.
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Hi Andromeda -
I'm sorry about losing your b/f and I am sorry about the dog having to be put down, I know how tough that can be.
I know it may seem difficult right now, but I'm guessing this is probably a good time for you to be single and really focus on your recovery. Hopefully as some time passes and your emotions start to heal you will be able to see the good in this situation.
Best wishes to you in your recovery.
I'm sorry about losing your b/f and I am sorry about the dog having to be put down, I know how tough that can be.
I know it may seem difficult right now, but I'm guessing this is probably a good time for you to be single and really focus on your recovery. Hopefully as some time passes and your emotions start to heal you will be able to see the good in this situation.
Best wishes to you in your recovery.
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