Welcome to the family.
I understand your feelings being conflicted. Bf may not have been good for you but it's still lonely when he leaves.
I'm sorry to hear about your dog. I had to do the same for my old beagirl this summer and am still hurting from her loss.
I know I'd be even more hurt tho if I'd been drinking and not done that last act of kindness for her before she hurt herself even worse.
I hope we can help you get and stay sober. This site has helped me so much, I hope we can help you as much. :ghug3