jpooch

My sister lives out of state...she is an alcoholic...it has been getting progressively worse for the last five years. 1 1/2 years ago she agreed she needed help and went to a rehab. She was working at the time and had insurance. After leaving rehab, she lost her house and had to move to an apartment. She cashed out her 401 to pay for the apartment. She told her 19 year old son he had to live somewhere else. So he has been on his own. Since then she lost her job. While at the apartment she would go in and out of drinking. She suffers from a severe depression and panic episodes. She ran out of money and moved in with my nephew. Two weeks later he was offered a great job out of state. She then went to move in with my 20 year old nephew (the one she told she couldn't take with her). He was very happy to have her until he discovered she was drinking. He has told her she can not live with him if she is drinking. He doesn't know what to do. For years, when he lived at home with her he would just go into his room. Now, it's his apartment, and he has to go into his room to escape her drunkenness. Tonight he called and said he confronted her and told her she would have to find a place to stay. There is no place for her.

Personally, I think her bottom will be if she has no place to live. I feel we need to find a reason to take her to the hospital, hope that she will accept detox (she has felt good after detoxing in the past), and then tell her she doesn't have a home to go back to. That her son can not take care of her. She is in the process of trying to get disability. We feel that this will just give her money to drink. Currently she steals money from her son for the alcohol. She must be doing that...she has no money. He is worried she will die. He is worried that she will burn his apartment down (she smokes). He is worried that he could be evicted because he isn't supposed to have someone else live with him. Tonight, though, when he confronted her, she walked out drunk and the neighbor's picked her up. Up to now, no one as known.

I think she probably needs to be "abandoned" at the hospital. I know that sounds awful...but a 20 year old is too young to be supporting himself and trying to deal with her.

Would really appreciate some suggestions or advice.

Live

Can he now change the locks on the door?

Willybluedog

Please suggest Al-anon and counseling, maybe you could direct him here for some additional support.

I hope he comes to the realization that he cannot fix her and it is not his fault.

GettingBy

Your nephew is doing the right thing by setting a boundary that she can't live there. The help HE needs right now is support that he is making the right decision. Al-anon is a wonderful place for support for him.

Your sister and her choices/consequences are not his responsibility. She's an adult - as is he. He needs to be reminded that he is responsible for himself, not his mother.