sarah93

I was just told on labor day that my bf of 15yrs has a opiate problem. I was clueless I thought he smoked weed which would still tick me off but to find out it was so much worse . He said he has been using for 4yrs I was shocked , numb ,broken. he said he was ready to quit. he was already on 2nd day of withdraws when I came home from out of town trip right before kids started school , and the bank was negative once again like always he had spent there school money! So then he came clean and told me everything and he told his job. I kicked into action doctoring him threw the days ahead giving him love support, he started classes and has been clean for almost 1mth . He told me a lot of truths and my numbing ,caring is turning into hate!!! We have 3 children together 13, 5 and a 2mth old I was done after having my girl and boy but he wasn’t I guess. It burns me that he thought to create another life at this point knowing what he was doing, I went threw pregnancy alone it felt like and now I feel like single mother of 3. I was looking back at the signs I missed…… when I was in labor for 4 days he kept having to leave the hospital and saying he had stomach ache was getting sick, here he was needing pills , out looking for them, couldn’t find them that’s why his stomach hurt. He always had a stomach ache. I ask myself all the questions was my son age 5 with him when he went to get drugs , when he was on them . he would mood swing, always have to go, couldn’t just sit in house with family, he said enough money and drugs went threw my garage that could of paid off my house!!! Makes me sick as im trying to dig out of debt from his constantly stealing money from our bank account , im selling anything I have rings for gold trying to pick up more jobs with a 2mth old. I feel like im going to loose it! Its like im paying the consequences for what he did. What ticks me off the most is why did he finally say enough and tell me, it wasn’t when I was in labor or getting red bills and why did he even start knowing how it works out for people so badly we know . Ok enough of my ranting I guess im trying to see if what im feeling is normal , like that I hate him , I want him to leave for a while don’t want to spend life with somebody I have to constantly worry about relapsing. But I don’t want to push him back over… so do I suck it up and try to continue to support him.and forgive him for what hes done Will I ever be able to trust him

Ann

Sarah, can you take his name off the bank account so that you can at least have enough to take care of yourself and your children?

I'm sorry you are going through this and will keep you and your children in my prayers.

Hugs

sarah93

no he would have to go up there and take it off, but now that he has been clean no money disappearing, no 6o dollars spent at a gas station lol thats what he would say, but the damage is done trying to catch up on bills , and with him taking 2wks off work to recover.

Kindeyes

Welcome to SR.......I hope you find some answers here.

I would say that what you are feeling is pretty normal. It's a shock to find out that someone you love is using drugs and is spending money that should be going toward the mortgage, car payments, food, etc.

You may not be able to take his name off of the bank account but you CAN open a new account with your name only and put the money for household expenses in it. You can do things to protect yourself and to learn about addiction and codependence.

I hope you stick around. Learn. Read. Ask questions. And take care of you.

gentle hugs
ke

sarah93

well i told him if he relapses he is getting out, i will not go threw this again. but after i said that i started getting more and more upset thinking about the lies and its like i want him to go now....he has no understanding of what hes done. im so tired i run from 7:am till 10:pm with a 2 mth old other 2 kids in sports, school , work. i take my kids to work with me now , he used to be the best father now its like hes not even here. as im writing this hes called me all bent out of shape that hes coming home early cause his boss pissed him off another example of his moods! we can not make it what am i supposed to do let him quit he has worked there for 11yrs i no its hard and there are alot of drugs there but come on 3 kids x-mas coming and we still are trying to dig out. this morning he got bent out of shape cause he said hes tired of not having couple dollars for work i wanted to scream we would have had you not put it all up your nose but i said nothing. i am just brewing and ready to explode. i told him he could leave his job but has to get another 1 before doing so i made him resumes to but thats as far as it has gone hes gonna get fired or quit then what! i dont no what to do i just dont want him to relapse

sarah93

And thank you Ann and Kin for reading my rants, and offering your support

dollydo

I would open up a new checking account in my name only.

Bounderies are put in place to protect you and your family. So, if the boundery is: You
will have to leave if you do drugs again, then you must have a plan to back up your boundery, and, follow through.

Please read all the stickies at the top of this forum and read others posts on bounderies and codependency. It will help, knowledge is power.

I am sorry, however, now you know the truth...or at least some of it!

hopeful0323

Sarah,

I know exactly how you feel, my exabf and I have been together for 4 yrs and have 2 children together. I could not live with him, even when he wasn't using because of my anger and frustration. When addicts are in recovery, they continue to be very selfish. My exabf would not help a whole lot with the kids unless I pushed him to, he did not have a job, so no financial support either. Finally I decided that it was more lonely living with him doing nothing than not living with him at all. My mother made me realize that I was ALREADY doing everything, he was not helping me in any way, shape or form!