im paying his consequences
I was just told on labor day that my bf of 15yrs has a opiate problem. I was clueless I thought he smoked weed which would still tick me off but to find out it was so much worse . He said he has been using for 4yrs I was shocked , numb ,broken. he said he was ready to quit. he was already on 2nd day of withdraws when I came home from out of town trip right before kids started school , and the bank was negative once again like always he had spent there school money! So then he came clean and told me everything and he told his job. I kicked into action doctoring him threw the days ahead giving him love support, he started classes and has been clean for almost 1mth . He told me a lot of truths and my numbing ,caring is turning into hate!!! We have 3 children together 13, 5 and a 2mth old I was done after having my girl and boy but he wasn’t I guess. It burns me that he thought to create another life at this point knowing what he was doing, I went threw pregnancy alone it felt like and now I feel like single mother of 3. I was looking back at the signs I missed…… when I was in labor for 4 days he kept having to leave the hospital and saying he had stomach ache was getting sick, here he was needing pills , out looking for them, couldn’t find them that’s why his stomach hurt. He always had a stomach ache. I ask myself all the questions was my son age 5 with him when he went to get drugs , when he was on them . he would mood swing, always have to go, couldn’t just sit in house with family, he said enough money and drugs went threw my garage that could of paid off my house!!! Makes me sick as im trying to dig out of debt from his constantly stealing money from our bank account , im selling anything I have rings for gold trying to pick up more jobs with a 2mth old. I feel like im going to loose it! Its like im paying the consequences for what he did. What ticks me off the most is why did he finally say enough and tell me, it wasn’t when I was in labor or getting red bills and why did he even start knowing how it works out for people so badly we know . Ok enough of my ranting I guess im trying to see if what im feeling is normal , like that I hate him , I want him to leave for a while don’t want to spend life with somebody I have to constantly worry about relapsing. But I don’t want to push him back over… so do I suck it up and try to continue to support him.and forgive him for what hes done Will I ever be able to trust him