firestorm090

What do you do when you find yourself seeming to constantly encounter people who want to rain on your parade, put down your ideas as too risky, and generally just spew their negativity all over you? I've tried showering to wash that crap off of me, but still think about it hours later.

I have a couple of friends, (one i"ve known for years) who are constantly saying how proud they are of my progress, yet try to persuade me to stay the safe, easy course when I discuss some changes I feel I need to make to take my life in a new direction. Sure, change involves risk, but do you shy away from the risk just to maintain the status quo? Is all risk to be avoided?

I'm not referring to change that will place my recovery at risk, just some changes regarding work, money, and the like. I don't want a drink, and don't plan to want one either, lol. I just want to step out of my comfort zone and grow more than I can by remaining in the same routine and agenda. I feel confident in the direction I am considering, yet it seems most people just want to douse the flame of ambition with their own advice of caution and fear. I'm sick and tired of being afraid of living the fullest life I can, and I'm sick of those who want to pee on the candle of change in favor of remaining in the dark.

OK< that's my rant for today. Go do something, and don't let fear hold you back, but do it sober!!

sugarbear1

I support your sober decision(s). Do I have a second opinion?

bcboy

Right on Firestorm!

Life truly is in the now or never at all.

Dee74

I noticed about 6 months into my recovery I was starting to trust my own intuition a lot more - and while I still value input from others, my decisions are still usually more or less from my gut...

if you feel it, seal it man
go with your gut FS,

D

Itchy

"The problem with friends, is the problem with friends."

© Itchy 2011, All rights reserved, three rights is left

MsJax

Hi firestorm. Way to go on your sober time I have learned to be a bit cautious with telling anyone about my hopes, dreams, things I am working on in my life. It seems that friends can be naysayers at times and I really think a lot of it is they are envious. Or even uncomfortable with the changes we've created in our lives.

Just cautiously weigh out your options & goals & go where your gut leads you. You can do it.

Anna

I agree with Dee, that I began to trust myself more and more as my recovery moved on.

I truly believe if your friends don't support you and are negative towards you, maybe it's time to step away, at least for awhile.

WritingFromLife

People can sometimes project their own fear onto your dreams. Stick to what you want and don't worry about the rest!

stanleyhouse

Firestorm
People find it very difficult when others want to live life according to who they are, not who everyone else wants them to be. Fighting your own ego is difficult but going against other peoples' ego impossible.
As a responsible adult, making your own financial decisions, you do not need anybody's blessings for career decisions. Their opinions are all wrapped up in their own egos, so it's not relative to your life.

soberlicious

Do you mean the ever popular "unsolicited advice"? LOL when people do this to me I usually thank them for their input... reminding them that even though I didn't ask, I appreciate their thoughts. I say things like..."While I understand you are afraid of change, I am not. I appreciate you caring about me, and if I need some feedback on this I will ask you. In the meantime, I'd appreciate you just supporting my desire for change because your negativity is seriously harshing my mellow..."

this is awesome! Never heard it put this way, but will be using it from now on....LOL thanks firestorm

firestorm090

One of the benefits of coming here to SR, whether rain or shine, is to get the feedback on issues that aren't always strictly alcohol related but have more to do with our overall quality of life.

I never really thought about how others may be fearful of change that occurs in my life. I always just thought people would support anything that seemed positive and rewarding in life, but the truth is much more complex. There's jealousy, greed, comfort in keeping one in line, kinda like the ole "misery loves company" line that we've often heard. Huh.

Well, I've gotta go with my gut and if that means others don't approve, oh well, such is life.

Thanks for letting me air this issue here, for it may not involve alcohol, but this ole drunk can use all the encouragement I can get, lol.

laurie6781

Dallas, I noticed in our chat the other night how much you have changed (for the better, lol) and how you have gained immense confidence in yourself.

So, go with your gut friend, you are moving forward. Yes, change is frightening not only for ourselves but those close to us. They see us changing, trying something new, taking a chance (be it an investment or job etc) and they become frightened for themselves as much as us.

You go friend!!!!!!!

Talk to you soon.

Love and hugs,

Itchy

If ya skin yer knees you will know how not to fall that way again. Sounds like some codies.

eJoshua

Yeah I know what you mean, FS. I moved in to my parents to stay sober and some of my friends thought it was weird or a step backwards, but I decided that I had to do whatever I had to do to stay sober. Sometimes you just have to cut your own path.

It's important to listen to what others are saying, but just because you are evaluating someone else's opinion of what you should do with your life and considering their argument doesn't obligate you to follow their advice. After all, you are the best judge of how to keep yourself sober -- assuming you are being 100% honest with yourself and working your program, whatever that entails.

eJoshua

Oh, on second reading I see you aren't referring to changes that are necessarily to keep you clean, but if you are trying to make yourself happier then I think all the above still applies.

CaiHong

I think the danger lies in staying in the comfort zone for 2 long which can lead to restlessness, boredom and the like which lead to, in my case, drink.

I was thinking the other day that I will wait until I am 6 months sober before I make any major changes in my life. Maybe I will need longer I have no idea.

Good luck with your venture.

Love your avatar

Caihong

haligh

My philosophy, as a friend to others, is to lift up and support and be positive and nonjudgmental of decisions my friends make and I appreciate the same in return. Sometimes even if I see potential mistakes ahead - because people learn best from their own mistakes - I know I do. Anyway, my attitude has served well in maintaining wonderful loving friendships.

Forge ahead Firestorm - you can do it - make that better life for yourself.