BigBluef250

Hi all, I dont post much, but am here everyday. I have been sober since Jan 11, 2011. For a while i was just focused on relaxing and enjoying life and getting healthy. Now all I do is work. I own my own business and it seem that the energy I used to have for going out and chasing tail has all been shifted towards work. My business has really picked up, which is good, but I literally have no desire to go out anymore. I dont really ever crave beer, but it would be nice to have some female company once in a while.

Has anyone else felt or had to deal with this>? Suggestions/Advice?

BBF250


No, im not getting a hooker.

ReadyAndAble

Hi, BBF250.

Well, you could go to places that tend to attract sober people, like lectures and book readings. Or sign up for a night or weekend class that interests you. At the very least those things will get you out and about, and you might make a few friends, male and female.

If you do meet a woman you like, I'd also suggest you avoid phrases like "chasing tail."

Dee74

I'm with R&A...

I think if you want to meet new people, maybe you need to look at your lifestyle

What are your interests and hobbies? do you go to Church? Gym? work colleagues? clients?

If there's no chances of meeting people in your real life as it is, maybe trying dating online?

D

BigBluef250

ok, after re-reading that didnt come out the way I intended. I love the outgoing, energetic life style. I enjoy meeting new people all the time. I am a people person and people trust and get to know me very quick. I like being active. I still enjoy going out to the bar scene, although I have no desire to drink while im there, and meeting new people.
I do believe in god, or a higher power, but do not enjoy going to church. I guess what im asking is, Did anyone else find themselves so involved in their work and achieving a goal, that they kinda let the social aspect of their life take the back seat? If so, how did you correct it while still maintaining to drive to achieve your goal.

Dee74

I think balance is important.

I used to be dedicated to drinking and having fun - I partied pretty hard....and damaged myself

Then I got sober and I brought that commitment over to working...and damaged myself.

The right 'setting' for me is somewhere in the middle...I have to set reasonable boundaries for both work and play and stick to them now.

D

ACT10Npack

Dee74 is correct about it. You need balance in life. Drinking all the time to working all the time is just changing your addiction to something else. Keeping busy is good but not having a control over your life will not help you to be happy.

It's like when people change alcohol to ice cream and saying that at least I'm sober. Sober is not the whole point. Control of your life and being happy is the point and letting your addictions control you. I'm just say :-)

firestorm090

Sounds like we're on very similar paths in sobriety and I get frustrated too due to the near absense of female companionship in my life.

I like what Dee said about balance, but my experience has been that balance takes a while to achieve. Right now my focus needs to be streamlined toward building a solid foundation with recovery, and getting my life ontrack and in order before I pursue more interesting agendas, so to speak. I've heard the expression, "Give time time" so many times that I want to thump the next person who says it to me, but alas, it's true. Give time time and give yourself time to adjust your own life without the benefit of a partner in crime.

Once you have your own life on track and balanced, you may be surprised at how many women may see how you are doing and want to get to know you. Who knows when, just keep staying the course of staying sober and getting solid in all areas of your life, and you'll do just fine.

Dee74

^ Thanks D

yeah, I didn't mean to suggest I had it right yet bigblue LOL

I'm still a work in progress myself...but you can set your acceptable boundaries right now...then the hard work of sticking to them starts

D

Reset

I've found myself pretty much working all day every day since quitting around the same time you did BigBlue. But it's the kind of compulsion I'll live with since it's way better than drinking.

I figure if I really wanted to socialize, I'd do it. Priorities tend to rise to the top.

Threshold

It's common and normal in any life for there to be times where we are focused more on one thing than another, and it's not always a sign of something being off. When we are working on a particular goal, it's going to be getting the best of our time and energy.

Sometimes that is kids, work, preparing for a marathon, renovating a house, developing a romantic relationship, etc. It is rare in any life that those things are all balanced. If you are starting to feel the lack of companionship, then your life is telling you it's time to get looking again. I don't think it's a sign that necessarily anything is out of balance, just that you needed to focus on other things for a while.

This is something I amusing as a yardstick for my own behavior right now (early recovery) am I acting out of fear? then I'd better stop and rethink

if I am acting out of love, I am probably on the right track

if you are obsessing over female companionship out of a paranoia that you can't be alone, are unattractive to the opposite sex, etc, check yourself

if you are wanting female companionship because you enjoy women, sex and have got your recovery in a solid place, go for it.

simba

I'm new to the website, but will have 20 years CLEAN and about 18 years SOBER. The way I look at it (purely subjuctive) is that if an addict does not drink for 3 days, they are CLEAN, but a long way from sober. Two very different points in recovery.

I realize I am nit-picking terms, and also realize the well made point by ACT10Npack is probably the same point as I am making,but this is just my recovery method.

I found my recovery plan and it has worked for me since November 15, 1992.

(By the way, it's MY recovery plan. You can't have it, nor can you copy it. It will not work for you. However, your recovery plan DOES EXIST! Don't wait another day, week, or month! If you truely want to be clean and sober, you're going to need some support. I went to rehab for 40 days, then AA (90 meetings in 90 days. I still go the AA meetings occasionally, but now that my head is clear, I have control over my substance of choice.)

I wish you health and happiness with a clean and sober life!

Dee74

Welcome to SR Simba

D

BigBluef250

Thanx all, good advice. Im going to try and start by taking the weekends off, or at least one day and go from there.