It Needs to Stop
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
It Needs to Stop
I was going to post this @the gay forum, but I think this issue needs general attention.
As a victim of bullying myself, I'm heartbroken and outraged.
When, exactly, are people going to become human?
Bullying??! Do you punch your dog for fun? Sling your cat around from its tail? Slap your kid around for the hell of it?
It is outrageous.
Granted, I'm not an American, but this is issue is not limited to the US.
"It gets better" my a**, it does not magically get better, it takes acceptance, work and HELP. Right now the statistics regarding GLBT youth are horrifying: mental health issues, suicide, and substance abuse (30%)
I'll be candid, this is one of the reasons why I turned to booze. To escape this nightmare.
Is it that people simply fail to understand just how much it can hurt? Maybe they just don't care-
When?!
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
I'm really sorry to read of this, Matt.
Any 14 yo dying is bad enough - to take your own life, in response to other peoples bullying, is dreadful....just so sad.
Bullying of any kind - whatever the grounds or 'reason' - disgusts me.
D
Any 14 yo dying is bad enough - to take your own life, in response to other peoples bullying, is dreadful....just so sad.
Bullying of any kind - whatever the grounds or 'reason' - disgusts me.
D
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
I was bully in school myself. It's not fun and I was depression when it happen. But it's something that will always happen with kids. I know it may said bad but it's part of life and learning how to deal with it, is really important if you want to be truly happy.
Too bad he didn't do something about it instead of closing in and letting his thoughts control his life and no longer future.
Too bad he didn't do something about it instead of closing in and letting his thoughts control his life and no longer future.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
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This is unfortunate, and every time I read something like this, I do find it disturbing. To answer your hypothetical, though, no, they don't care, and you are wasting your time hoping that they will. Savages respond only to savagery or the threat of disproportionate retaliation.
I recall the principal in school telling me once that I brought any misfortune on myself. I said to him "I presume that means you will do nothing, then? Very well. Rest assured that if anyone comes at me, though, that I will break bones indiscriminately if necessary, and that I will never go quietly into the night, certainly not before finding a way to pour gasoline on you and lighting a match."
There were a few incidents where I had to prove my point, but predictably enough, no more bullying.
From anyone.
I recall the principal in school telling me once that I brought any misfortune on myself. I said to him "I presume that means you will do nothing, then? Very well. Rest assured that if anyone comes at me, though, that I will break bones indiscriminately if necessary, and that I will never go quietly into the night, certainly not before finding a way to pour gasoline on you and lighting a match."
There were a few incidents where I had to prove my point, but predictably enough, no more bullying.
From anyone.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
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Tragic...so sad, there are no words 
I agree with TU that unfortunately "speaking the bully's language" is the only thing that seems to work to stop the behavior. But what can be done on a more global level to effect change? I know that we have bullying awareness programs in schools, but I don't know the effectiveness of these programs. I know there is a lot said about zero tolerance of this behavior, but with some of the stories in the news it looks like that "zero tolerance" may just be lip service.
I agree with you matt, when?!
I agree with TU that unfortunately "speaking the bully's language" is the only thing that seems to work to stop the behavior. But what can be done on a more global level to effect change? I know that we have bullying awareness programs in schools, but I don't know the effectiveness of these programs. I know there is a lot said about zero tolerance of this behavior, but with some of the stories in the news it looks like that "zero tolerance" may just be lip service.
I agree with you matt, when?!
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
No Matt of course no one should have to put up with bullies ,
We used to say its just a part of growing up that kids are mean to each other, but it has gotten so out of control.
One of my best friends from high school was a gay male, he tried so hard to hide it , thankfully he made it is a awesome gay adult, i couldnt be more proud lol,
I am just one of the lucky people that was raised with the utmost repect for people and there lives.
I am sorry another life was lost due to meanness. hug
We used to say its just a part of growing up that kids are mean to each other, but it has gotten so out of control.
One of my best friends from high school was a gay male, he tried so hard to hide it , thankfully he made it is a awesome gay adult, i couldnt be more proud lol,
I am just one of the lucky people that was raised with the utmost repect for people and there lives.
I am sorry another life was lost due to meanness. hug
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
I've thanked all the responses so far. Maybe I don't agree with some of them, but that's not the point, it's not about me.
I just want to raise awareness. We all need to cultivate empathy during recovery, it's vital: to look past our differences and embrace what we do have in common.
We cannot permit thiese acts of cruelty to go unheard.
I just want to raise awareness. We all need to cultivate empathy during recovery, it's vital: to look past our differences and embrace what we do have in common.
We cannot permit thiese acts of cruelty to go unheard.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
I've always believed that anyone who derives pleasure from inflicting pain on another sentinent being whether it be a person or animal is sick and twisted to the nth degree. The golden rule is always treat others as you would like to be treated. It is just crazy that bullying in the schools, workplaces and society in general is still tolerated at all, it needs to be dealt with a lot more severely, a slap on the wrist and telling the bully to behave just does not cut it IMHO.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 651
Originally Posted by Terminally Unique 
This is unfortunate, and every time I read something like this, I do find it disturbing. To answer your hypothetical, though, no, they don't care, and you are wasting your time hoping that they will. Savages respond only to savagery or the threat of disproportionate retaliation.
I recall the principal in school telling me once that I brought any misfortune on myself. I said to him "I presume that means you will do nothing, then? Very well. Rest assured that if anyone comes at me, though, that I will break bones indiscriminately if necessary, and that I will never go quietly into the night, certainly not before finding a way to pour gasoline on you and lighting a match."
There were a few incidents where I had to prove my point, but predictably enough, no more bullying.
From anyone.
I recall the principal in school telling me once that I brought any misfortune on myself. I said to him "I presume that means you will do nothing, then? Very well. Rest assured that if anyone comes at me, though, that I will break bones indiscriminately if necessary, and that I will never go quietly into the night, certainly not before finding a way to pour gasoline on you and lighting a match."
There were a few incidents where I had to prove my point, but predictably enough, no more bullying.
From anyone.
We need to let them fight back. zero tolerance for violence is ********! You have not only a right but an obligation to defend yourself! Today a child who fights back is punished just like the instigator total crock of new age ****!
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Desert Southwest
Posts: 292
I was bullied in school and I can't tell you how many times I wanted to kill myself or kill one of them. People talk about stories like these, or stories like the Columbine shooting, and they don't understand. However if you have lived it, then it is easy to understand. I really have been that mad. Sometimes the schools don't know about it or even care. It is the job of everyone who works in the school to make sure it is a safe and healthy place for every student, not just some of them. It is ILLEGAL to physically abuse someone. Yet this can happen right in front of a teacher and they do nothing about it. The public school system in America can be disgusting.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
We are a savage species, no doubt. As long as there are ignorant and cruel people this will not end. As long as some people are threatened by someone who is different there will be cruelty and bullying.
As long as there are ignorant and cruel people this will not end. As long as some people are threatened by someone who is different there will be cruelty and bullying.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
This is so very sad.
My personal belief is that too many parents are not caring enough to teach their children to care about others.
Sometimes I wonder if these "bullies" are ones who have been abused or ridiculed, and in turn, cut someone else down, to feel better about who they are? It is sick, but I kind of feel that these bullies ARE sick. Lack empathy. Lack heart. Have to tear at someone, to express the hate in their own hearts, for who they themselves are.
Perhaps we should teach caring, and empathy in early grades in school. of course, there is probably no money for that either. These bullies grow up to abuse their own children, who in turn bully someone their own age, since they can't lash back at their bully parent.
It seems to be getting worse, not better.
I swear, I would take my child out of a school where that was happening, and get him help, and take the school to task, kicking and screaming. should be able to sue the school for this sort of crap. if they are not going to protect , then he!! with them.
My personal belief is that too many parents are not caring enough to teach their children to care about others.
Sometimes I wonder if these "bullies" are ones who have been abused or ridiculed, and in turn, cut someone else down, to feel better about who they are? It is sick, but I kind of feel that these bullies ARE sick. Lack empathy. Lack heart. Have to tear at someone, to express the hate in their own hearts, for who they themselves are.
Perhaps we should teach caring, and empathy in early grades in school. of course, there is probably no money for that either. These bullies grow up to abuse their own children, who in turn bully someone their own age, since they can't lash back at their bully parent.
It seems to be getting worse, not better.
I swear, I would take my child out of a school where that was happening, and get him help, and take the school to task, kicking and screaming. should be able to sue the school for this sort of crap. if they are not going to protect , then he!! with them.
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Location: Australia
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I don't want to take the focus off Jamey but I did want to say:
I know violence as a response to violence (which is what bullying is) sounded pretty good to me at 15...it doesn't sound that good 30 years later tho...it dismays me really.
I think tit for tat responses simply perpetuate the problem and engender new generations of violence...
I don't know what the solution is but I'd love to see a lot more education, and a heck of a lot more resources out there.
No one should feel as alone as this kid obviously did.
D
I know violence as a response to violence (which is what bullying is) sounded pretty good to me at 15...it doesn't sound that good 30 years later tho...it dismays me really.
I think tit for tat responses simply perpetuate the problem and engender new generations of violence...
I don't know what the solution is but I'd love to see a lot more education, and a heck of a lot more resources out there.
No one should feel as alone as this kid obviously did.
D
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
I don't know what the solution is but I'd love to see a lot more education, and a heck of a lot more resources out there.
It will be difficult to effect change in attitudes when a portion of the population, at least in the US, sees gays as a huge threat to the country.
It's illogical, and driven by rage, which in itself is illogical, but education can only do so much - the rest is up to families.
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This is an issue that is hugely important to me, too.
I was so very sad to read of Jamey's death.
I don't know what the solution is, however, I think it would start with school principals and officials being held accountable for the bullying at school. What I see time and again, is a school principal saying we weren't aware of the problem, at the same time the child's parents are saying, of course the school knew about the problem. In my opinion, it's too easy for school principals and officials to step back from the problem. I think there needs to be Zero Tolerance for bullies in school, and that they should be expelled for bullying and not allowed back into the school until the family has had counselling.
I was so very sad to read of Jamey's death.
I don't know what the solution is, however, I think it would start with school principals and officials being held accountable for the bullying at school. What I see time and again, is a school principal saying we weren't aware of the problem, at the same time the child's parents are saying, of course the school knew about the problem. In my opinion, it's too easy for school principals and officials to step back from the problem. I think there needs to be Zero Tolerance for bullies in school, and that they should be expelled for bullying and not allowed back into the school until the family has had counselling.
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Join Date: Oct 2007
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It really does need to stop.
My friend had terrible bullying issues with her girls. For 3 years she fought with the school about their lax approach. This year she finally threatened legal action and the new principal vowed (via email) to take a harder stance than his predecessor and asked for a second chance. His approach (mandatory shadowing/separation of the bullies) has been working beautifully.
When my friend finally met him face to face she saw he was a short man with thick glasses and pockmarked skin. Sometimes you just don't 'get it' until you've been there!
eta: I, too was bullied.
My friend had terrible bullying issues with her girls. For 3 years she fought with the school about their lax approach. This year she finally threatened legal action and the new principal vowed (via email) to take a harder stance than his predecessor and asked for a second chance. His approach (mandatory shadowing/separation of the bullies) has been working beautifully.
When my friend finally met him face to face she saw he was a short man with thick glasses and pockmarked skin. Sometimes you just don't 'get it' until you've been there!
eta: I, too was bullied.
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Matty, these stories are always heart breaking to me. When people treat other people this way, for whatever reason, it is harmful to all of us. I thank you for posting it as awareness is always important to change.
And i understand what you said about turning to booze to escape. I can certainly relate to that.
And i understand what you said about turning to booze to escape. I can certainly relate to that.
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Join Date: May 2011
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Originally Posted by mattcake79
I just want to raise awareness. We all need to cultivate empathy during recovery, it's vital: to look past our differences and embrace what we do have in common.
We cannot permit thiese acts of cruelty to go unheard.
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