Endofthetunnel

Hello, my friends in recovery.

I have been sober, by the grace of God, four months now. The question that keeps eating at me is should I let my family in on it.

I am 27, so family would mean my parents. I don't know how appropriate this is. I am independent of them and have a wonderful relationship with them, even surprisingly, when I was drinking.

So, it leads me to wonder, is it really worth adding that to the festering heap of other sad news in their life, or should I just keep it to myself.

To some degree I feel like they deserve to know and it might put some pieces of my puzzle together for them. I don't know how I managed to live with them during my first few years of alcohol abuse without them ever catching on.

Thanks, and God bless you on your journey to recovery!

Terminally Unique

If it might hurt them or worry them unnecessarily, I would not tell them just for the heck of it. Honesty for honesty's sake is not always wise. Ask yourself what you would get out of the disclosure versus what they would get out of it. That should give you some idea of which way to go.

Anna

I think it depends on your relationship with your parents and how it would affect things if they knew.

I didn't tell anyone in my family when I stopped drinking because I had made promises in the past and broke them, so I just wanted to do it. For me, recovery is a very personal journey, so other than here at SR, I rarely talk about it.

Since you've been sober for 4 months, it's likely that people have seen positive changes in you and have an idea what's going on.

defyinggravity

Wow you sound like me! I lived at home during the peak of my alcoholism and I have no idea how they didn't know (if they did, they've never mentioned it) I've been struggling with the same decision about whether to tell them or not (I'm 26)...I've decided not to tell them for now because of reasons AVRT mentioned - worrying them unnecessarily, mostly. I may reconsider when I have more sober time under my belt.

Like Anna said, it really depends on your relationship with your parents. It may be comfort enough that your behaviors have changed and they now have a sober-acting child (whether they know why or not).

sugarbear1

Best wishes on your decision!

switchboard

I always go with my "gut" feeling with decisions, big or small. I don't know you, but it sounds like your gut might be feeling more 'no' than 'yes'. For my personal situation, I didn't tell. There may be some puzzle pieces that don't seem to fit, but there will always be things that don't add up perfectly .. and that's OK unless it's somehow causing a problem.

CaiHong

IMHO I wouldn't tell them. There doesn't seem to be any reason to tell them.

As Anna said, for me getting sober is a very personal journey. I really don't talk to anyone about it.

Best wishes
CaiHong

HopefullHusband

I am 35 and independependant of my family. We see each other a lot and have great relationships. I decided to let them know about my plans to stop drinking, subconsciously probably to keep me accountable and hopefully less likely to relapse. Weather that was a good decision or not remains to be seen, im on 19 days and going strong. Best of luck to you.

least

I'd say, unless they need to know, not to tell them. If it ever came up in a conversation then maybe yes, but not just an out-of-the-blue declaration, ya know? And as Anna said, people have probably noticed positive changes in you and that in itself should be sufficient. Actions speak louder than words.

CarolD

I was so thrilled when I quit drinking...I told everyone who touched my life.....

My non drinking parents had never seen me drink...we lived far away from each other for decades.

I called my Mom...as usual on a Sunday evening...said I had quit and was going to AA.
Her reply.......
That's nice..did you go to church this morningn?"

Welcome and well done on your sober time...

Bethany57

Endofthetunnel: Congrats on your four months of sobriety. Keep up the good work. I think I would take AVRT's advice. Keep it to yourself because it may worry your parents. I have a 27 year old and I think I would worry if you were my child. Just my .02

Endofthetunnel

thanks everyone for the thoughtful advice. Yes, I suppose there would not be much benefit for either party from telling.

I like what someone posted about honesty for honesty's sake. I think that's what I was thinking, but in this case, it's not worth it.

LaFemme

I have 14 months and there has never been a family discussion. It would add worry to my parents lives. Sounds like you already made your decision, but thought I'd chime in any way

Ranger

End - Congratulations on your sobriety!

Although my family gets along well, in my adult life there has been no depth to either my relationship with my parents or siblings.

Much of this superficiality stemmed from dysfunctionality handed down for god only knows how many generations. I won't bore you with the details, but suffice to say my family is emotionally constipated and is particularly uncomfortable with displaying weakness.

And of course, alcohol is a notoriously jealous lover so when I was drinking my ability to participate in a relationship of any depth was...well...impaired.

Within this context, it would have been straight off my family script to hide my sobriety with the same determinedness used to hide my using.

Yet another secret, yet another perpetuation of a familial dysfunction that played more than a small role in the genesis of my alcoholism.

I chose to share my sobriety. I knew my parents and sibs would be supportive. Though we are terrible at expressing it, there has always been love.

Sharing my weakness and sobriety journey with my family members has enriched the depth of my relationships and--I believe--changed my family tree for the better in some small way.

SoberHooligan

"So, it leads me to wonder, is it really worth adding that to the festering heap of other sad news in their life, or should I just keep it to myself."

I disagree, I see sobriety as great news for the ones we love. I thought I kept it hidden but it was the elephant in the room that everyone could see and just hoped would leave.Well, he's finally gone. When I finally admitted the problem to others it was received with compassion and true happiness.

I always kept it to myself in hopes I would someday figure out to drink like a "normal" person. Once I realized that day was never coming, I found the relief of mind and spirit I'd been looking for.

Yes, I'm now accountable for my actions and there's no going back. I don't have to worry about lies and secrets anymore.

My family stopped worrying.

SH

eJoshua

Why would telling your parents that you are in recovery be considered bad news?

I have a great relationship with my parents as well, and also felt weird about telling them too, but it turns out they already knew I was a raging alcoholic. Telling them I was trying to quit was the best news they had heard in a long time.

Best wishes!

eJoshua

and congrats on four months!

ACT10Npack

Its really up to you if you want to tell your parents about quitting alcohol. I find that my problem is my problem and no one else. If it will help or give you a sign of relief then tell them but beside that its not there place to know. There is a reason we have a private life.

OorWullie

Congratulations on four months which is a fantastic achievement.
Im on 10 days. I told my mum today that I'd stopped drinking because I'm on a health kick, which is true. I started drinking aged 14 and gave her years of worry but from about the age of 30 years old onwards I hid the extent of my problem, and I really dont think she has the foggiest how much I consumed. I could be wrong but probably not.
anyhow, she's had enough to deal with over the past few years so I would not want to add to her woes, certainly not at the moment.

Dee74

Like Carol I was thrilled and told everyone LOL

These days I'd probably be a little more circumspect - if you feel it would be taken as bad news...then don't.

Let them see the positive changes in you and your life instead

D