Telling family about my addiction
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
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End - congratulations on your four months! That's great news.
Everyone who knew me realized I was a heavy drinker & that it was causing me problems. So when I began to recover, I found it helped to discuss it with people who'd been concerned about me. It felt good to have it out in the open. I guess it depends on how much they knew of your struggles, & it doesn't sound like they were really aware.
It's great to have you here with us.
Everyone who knew me realized I was a heavy drinker & that it was causing me problems. So when I began to recover, I found it helped to discuss it with people who'd been concerned about me. It felt good to have it out in the open. I guess it depends on how much they knew of your struggles, & it doesn't sound like they were really aware.
It's great to have you here with us.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1
It was such a relief to read your post about whether or not to share your recovery. For me this is a private issue and I just didn't think it was necessary to tell everyone about it. Like one of the other posters said, people may be noticing a change so why not just go with that?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: A Happy Cloud :)
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by defyinggravity 
Wow you sound like me! I lived at home during the peak of my alcoholism and I have no idea how they didn't know (if they did, they've never mentioned it) I've been struggling with the same decision about whether to tell them or not (I'm 26)...I've decided not to tell them for now because of reasons AVRT mentioned - worrying them unnecessarily, mostly. I may reconsider when I have more sober time under my belt.
Luckily, my parents are straight shooters - if they even SLIGHTLY suspected that I was drinking at home, they would have said something. I guess I hid it well, but it's not something I'm proud of.
I don't feel the need to tell them at all. I haven't destroyed anything of theirs while drinking, and I also don't want the extra set of eyes on me. If I ever (I really hope not) have to go to rehab, then that'll be the time. But I'm home to reboot my life, and alcohol isn't the only habit/behavior/problem I'm trying to change, so why put a spotlight on that? There's a lot wrong now, I'm going through my quarter life crisis!
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
I'm 20 years your senior and have been living 1400 miles away from my immediate family for the past 7 years. Even as I lived closer, no one had a clue of my daily struggles.
After my ex and I separated I soon lost a new job because of drinking. My Mom had called and cheerfully asked how was my new job...that's when I decided it was best to let them know. I spilled everything. It felt good.
I told them I didn't want to add worry to their lives. My Mother said I hadn't and that they are intersted and concerned for me and would like to know these situations. My Dad even sent me a bouquet of flowers because he said "it sounded like I needed to smile".
With my brother, it took longer...I waited and knew when the time was right I'd know. When we did talk, it was for 2 hours and all my fears diminished.
It was a huge weight lifted off my mind to know that I came clean and told the truth. I was truthful with myself in realizing alcohol was a problem and it needed to stop and I was truthful with my family knowing now it's all out on the table, so to speak.
Of course, ultimately, the decision would be yours but I am certainly glad that my family can better understand me now and I have no lies in my heart.
After my ex and I separated I soon lost a new job because of drinking. My Mom had called and cheerfully asked how was my new job...that's when I decided it was best to let them know. I spilled everything. It felt good.
I told them I didn't want to add worry to their lives. My Mother said I hadn't and that they are intersted and concerned for me and would like to know these situations. My Dad even sent me a bouquet of flowers because he said "it sounded like I needed to smile".
With my brother, it took longer...I waited and knew when the time was right I'd know. When we did talk, it was for 2 hours and all my fears diminished.
It was a huge weight lifted off my mind to know that I came clean and told the truth. I was truthful with myself in realizing alcohol was a problem and it needed to stop and I was truthful with my family knowing now it's all out on the table, so to speak.
Of course, ultimately, the decision would be yours but I am certainly glad that my family can better understand me now and I have no lies in my heart.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 91
The more the merrier
The more people that know what you are doing the more support you will have. You don't know who suspected and just didn't want to say anything to you. Telling them the truth will validate their concern. You think it may have been a secret but it probably wasn't.
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,597
Like ChaoticSunshine, my parents don't drink and have never seen me drink. Plus, they are A Grade drama queens and gossips. I simply cannot trust them with this information about me.
For me to spring upon them that I am an alcoholic would unleash a never ending stream of drama, discussion of my situation with relatives and friends (no matter whether or not I asked them to keep it to themselves), endless questioning about whether I'm drinking and so forth. It would drive me bats**t crazy and help no one.
As another poster said, there is some merit in telling people as a means of keeping yourself accountable, but I'm very private and don't want this part of my life discussed with people who potentially may not understand. That's what forums like SR and my AA friends are for. Once past my mid 20's, I drank in private at home and kept it secret, so there are many friends that I have made from that time who have never seen me drink either. I don't see any benefit in me telling them.
I have, however, discovered that a few people I knew as casual acquaintances for years are in recovery (through obscure comments on their facebook pages, of all things) and disclosed to them in private that I was in recovery and they responded that they were too, so now we are much closer than acquaintances.
Perhaps the answer is to wait and see who the optimal people would be to tell, rather than just telling everyone. There's no reason you have to tell absolutely everyone right this very minute.
For me to spring upon them that I am an alcoholic would unleash a never ending stream of drama, discussion of my situation with relatives and friends (no matter whether or not I asked them to keep it to themselves), endless questioning about whether I'm drinking and so forth. It would drive me bats**t crazy and help no one.
As another poster said, there is some merit in telling people as a means of keeping yourself accountable, but I'm very private and don't want this part of my life discussed with people who potentially may not understand. That's what forums like SR and my AA friends are for. Once past my mid 20's, I drank in private at home and kept it secret, so there are many friends that I have made from that time who have never seen me drink either. I don't see any benefit in me telling them.
I have, however, discovered that a few people I knew as casual acquaintances for years are in recovery (through obscure comments on their facebook pages, of all things) and disclosed to them in private that I was in recovery and they responded that they were too, so now we are much closer than acquaintances.
Perhaps the answer is to wait and see who the optimal people would be to tell, rather than just telling everyone. There's no reason you have to tell absolutely everyone right this very minute.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 35
I've felt the exact same way as the original poster. I'm a solitary drinker and a private person so no one knows I drink. I even lived at home for a while and they didn't know how much I was drinking. I think I learned how to act normal from my step dad as I observed him drinking heavily yet functioning perfectly normal on a daily basis.
But, when I do find sobriety I plan on letting my family know about it. Everyone needs to know alcohol is off limits for me. It's not something I plan on keeping to myself.
But, one thing you can consider is just telling them you quit for good for various reasons. It doesn't have to be about being an alcoholic. You can just say you had bad experiences with it and made a decision that you won't touch it again. People make life decisions like that all the time. They become vegan or commit themselves to some other life change. It could be a health decision. They don't need to know how bad it was if you don't want them to. They just need to know you are done with it and won't budge on drinking again.
So, when the time comes that I let everyone know I'm not sure I'm going to add the story about throwing up blood (which only happened once). But, it will be clear to everyone that I don't drink, and quite frankly, if anyone tries to get me to drink I'll take that as disrespect.
But, when I do find sobriety I plan on letting my family know about it. Everyone needs to know alcohol is off limits for me. It's not something I plan on keeping to myself.
But, one thing you can consider is just telling them you quit for good for various reasons. It doesn't have to be about being an alcoholic. You can just say you had bad experiences with it and made a decision that you won't touch it again. People make life decisions like that all the time. They become vegan or commit themselves to some other life change. It could be a health decision. They don't need to know how bad it was if you don't want them to. They just need to know you are done with it and won't budge on drinking again.
So, when the time comes that I let everyone know I'm not sure I'm going to add the story about throwing up blood (which only happened once). But, it will be clear to everyone that I don't drink, and quite frankly, if anyone tries to get me to drink I'll take that as disrespect.
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