Mrsoptimist

AH And I, after a horrible Friday night, pulled it together and had a wonderful weekend. Spent most of it playing at the beach with the kids. Last night we had his family over for dinner and he became really sullen. When we sat down to dinner he just left and wouldn't join us. Today I left for work and he skipped his outpatient, and skipped his NA meetings. Our dishwasher broke (fabulous timing, eh?) and he walked around for an hour yelling at me and calling me names because I wanted to call our friend to help fix it. I wanted to leave, but my daughter was taking a shower to get ready for her 1st day of school tomorrow, and I didn't want to leave the kids. I wanted him to leave. Instead he locked himself in our tv room to play Call of Duty ( he's been in there all day).

I guess there was some part of me that was hopeful this treatment would work. And maybe it will, maybe it is just an off day. But I can't help but feel a sense of dread, and a huge, crushing feeling of disappointment and sadness.

People say "take care of yourself" but I guess I'm not sure what that means. Maybe some "take care of yourself" suggestions? And the kids.... I can't just take care of myself I have to take care of them too.

rose

Not really a comfortable home at this time is it. Not really a very good sign him not going to his meetings and specially when he is acting out like, meetings are there to help get them through tough times, but you can't force him to go, its his choice. He has no right it yelling at you and calling you names and lets just hope it was just an off day, he has to work his program. Lets hope he is back on track tomorrow, he has no right to bring the household down, he best grow up and get out to a meeting if he is serious about recovery.

I know it seems unreal to "take care of yourself" almost impossible, though it is very important as in no time living with an addict that is so unstable and tempered can really take you down without even realizing that it is happening. Taking care of yourself is doing anything that helps you to relax, something that you can get some enjoyment from even if it is 10 minutes. I am not sure how old your children are, but what ever their age, just you and the children go and do something you all enjoy. Try to make sure you get enough hours of sleep, don't be forgetting to eat and drink water, fruit juices. You are going through very stressful times and very easly it can physically take a toll on your body and make you sick. If you can find any alon or nar-anon meetings jump in, they are so helpful and having someone to talk to face to face who knows what it is like loving an addict help so much. It was suggested to me to go, I stalled for a bit then decided to give it a try and I can't tell you enough how much it helped me. There is no harm in giving it a try.

Hopefully this helps you out some, only some suggestions as I really feel for what you are going through. I too had a husband who was an addict, as well we had two children together.

Rose

Ann

I agree, regardless of what kind of day he was having, yelling and calling you names is not acceptable. Neither is refusing to join you at dinner when you have visitors.

You can't control his behaviour but you can control what you will or will not accept in your life. If he won't go to meetings, maybe try some for yourself. It will help you find your balance while surrounded by support.

I know this must tear you apart, but please know that if you keep your focus on you and your kids, you are already half way there.

Hugs