mayabee

Very disappointed in my son right now. He is an addict- had been clean for 7 months and during that time was very active in NA - made plans to go to the convention. He went back out about 2 months ago - in and out of going to meetings but basically using- but still ended up going to the convention, which my husband and I thought was a hopeful sign. He went with a friend who has stayed clean. Some of the time he was detoxing but he did go to some workshops and meetings. We'd hoped that the trip might have helped him turn a corner but as soon as he got back he want out to use.

He'd wanted to be dropped off at our house first - had a bad toothache flare up during the trip and wasn't feeling good- so we took his friend home & stopped to pick up some fast food for all of us. By the time we got home he had left - obviously to go get high. My husband texted him and son confirmed that was what had happened.

I am so sad and so angry. I know- he's an addict - he is doing what addicts do - and I can't control what he does. And yet I am SO disappointed. He'll get clean when he's ready - if he's ready- and not a moment before. I feel bad because I texted him- said some fairly blunt things- pointless and counter-productive, I realize.

I go to Nar-anon, I have a sponsor, I am working the steps- but right now I just feel sad. If an addict is powerless over his addiction, then a family member is certainly powerless. I realize that. I wish I could stop him from using - I know I can't - but the sadness is overwhelming right now.

mayabee

Nothing has been taken. Son has a job (for now) and assume that he had some money left from trip.

tjp613

Mayabee -- I feel your pain, sweetie. My son is in rehab right now and frankly, I am not even feeling very hopeful because in the long run I doubt that he has the strength to stay clean forever. I'm already preparing for his relapse -- how sad is that? But your son had some real decent clean time so I know your disappointment is very heavy.

So what's your plan now? He's living with you? Are you going to allow that to continue?

hope213

i can feel your pain. i have an addcit son that is serving 7yrs in prison. he has 4 more to go. i am glad u r going to meetings & have a sponsor. this site saved my life. i was always sad & depressed before i realized i had no control. all we can do is pray for our sons & do nothing more. it is hard to put them on the street & that has to b your decision. what we can do is not give them money & always make sure everything in the house is bolted down. make house rules & let him know he WILL comply with them. addicts will do what they have to to get high. my prayers are with you. take care of yourself. i am saying a prayer for you & your son. we r here for you,keep coming back.

Ann

I know that sinking sad feeling all too well and send hugs for you and prayers for your son.

My son had 3 years clean once, went to meetings regularly and did the "do" things and I thought that just maybe he was well on his way to staying clean forever. I think that relapse was the one where I surrendered and gave his care to God while I let go.

Like you, I went to meetings and worked my own program and that probably saved my life.

It's okay to feel sad, to be disappointed, it's really okay to feel our feelings. It's also good to have support for dark days like this. That too saved my bacon more than once.

Wishing you brighter days ahead.

Hugs

Mrsoptimist

All of the posts in this thread have hit on how I'm feeling tonight. Thank you all for sharing; it helps to not feel so alone.

Dedicated

I really feel for you , my son had just completed 17 wks in rehab came out and has relapsed. As a mum I felt I could help him as I am a recovering alcoholic of 3yrs. I also work in a rehab centre . Sadly I can not and have had to detach with love he was not ready , it was not his time and I am now watching his life become out of control.we addicts have to reach our own rock bottoms and until we do admit and then accept we have to be left as painful as this is otherwise you are enabling him to continue with no consequences

Love dedicated

mayabee

Had a somewhat positive discussion with son tonight. Don't know what will happen but it's up to him.

December2011

Reading your post brought tears to my eyes (not in a bad way), because I know the disappointed and pain. My son came home tonight, sick, throwing up, shaking, and with a fever. Weirdly enough, I was hoping it was because he was detoxing again, and trying to quit. That is not the case, it is cotton fever from injecting cotton into his blood while shooting up.
I understand the "texting some blunt things" I have done that myself from time to time. Maybe, at least it will let him know how you feel; although, addicts do not seem to care. I like to think there is some place left in their hearts where they still care.

My thoughts are with you

December2011

Dear Dedicated,
I know how you feel. I have gotten my hopes up too many times to believe that this time will be the time he truly stops using. The roller coaster ride continues.