cotwo

I have tried so many times to quit drinking, and have failed every single time. Everything is a dam trigger to me. All of lifes alternatives to drinking is basically a trigger to drink.

Drinking has basically stripped my life away, lost job, engagement off, family refuses to take me serious till i quit, etc....

I have pretty much nothing now in my life, I am 31 years old and basically hit rock bottom, with the sad part of feeling there is noway to rebuild my life again.

The only life i know is drinking. I spent all my money on bars, drugs, and what i would call bar prostitutes (free drink game)

Attending AA has failed aswell, i got half way to the meeting and hit the liquor store instead. Did the online meetings to, seems the only thing i was interested in were relapse stories, cause its the only thing i can relate to.

Counseling is out of the question, i have no job or health insurance. White knuckling it got me 4 days sober. Then I basically said y not just get drunk, there isnt anything worth while at this point to live for anyway.

I am defenitly sick and hopeless. I just cant get past thoughts out of my head. Meditation, reading, walking has no effect on me whats so ever.

I am very jelous at the will power of some you, that recovered from this sickness. I have basically failed at life, and at this age im almost at the point of excepting my faith. I wish some how i can see a different angle.

Terminally Unique

You are definitely not hopeless. No one is hopeless. Get that idea out of your head immediately. Lack of insurance is not a deal-breaker, either, since it is entirely possible to quit without spending much money. I'm talking about $12 here. It is also entirely possible to quit without counseling or meetings.

artsoul

I'd pretty much lost hope, too, by the time I got here. Like you, I couldn't see any way out. I'd been to treatment twice, counseling, psychiatrists, and hundreds of AA meetings, so what was going to save me this time?

I'd been reading on the forum for months, drinking and feeling totally miserable. Somehow, I think the stories here started to change me. A sentence here or there, a word of hope..... my mind was taking it in, even though I didn't believe it at the time.

I finally ran out of energy (emotional, physical, mental). I didn't have the energy to continue drinking, nor did I have the energy to stop. I had a few more drinks and got up the nerve to post. I opened up. And that's what made the difference.

Things can change, cotwo. You took a step today.

cotwo

A lot of the stories i read about overcoming alcoholism, on this site, and others. The successful ones, seem to be that they all have something in common. They have a lot of support. They have a their own family, kids, husband or wife etc... That support is huge in only i can imagine having that family setting, to be around, and think of them aswell the next time i decided to drink.

I suffer a triple threat. I allready lost all that. I deal with all this in extreme loneliness, insane feelings of regret, and sometimes anger on top of an alchole and drug addiction.

I dont read to many successfull stories of people that completly entirely lost EVERYTHING in life, and got sober, and stayed sober, and glad they did. Those stories seem rare.

MycoolFitz

Hey I lost my wife, my kids, my house, my health, my job, my money, myself. And I tried and tried to quit and couldn't until one day I could. I have no family, I have no friends, I have no lots of things but I have my sobriety. I can't regain the past but I am regaining my health, self-respect, purpose in life, vision for my furture, my SR friends/family. Believe me Cotwo if I can do it it's doable--and damn, friend, its worth it.

Boleo

When you say "AA has failed" you are talking about what - An attempt to go to one meeting? That's not using AA the way they it is meant to be used.

When you say you "Did the online meetings to" did you actually participate in them or just sit back and be a spectator? That's not using online meetings they way they are meant to be used.

When you say "I am very jelous at the will power of some you" what makes you think we are using any "will power"? That's not using Higher Power the way it is meant to be used.

cotwo

That was an incrediable post boleo, made me really think dam hard.

Terminally Unique

You can get sober family or no family, wife or no wife, job or no job, support or no support. I don't like too many passages out of the Big Book, but I always did like this one:

Dee74

Hey cotwo

I agree with everyone who's said noone is hopeless...a lot of us have had to rebuild our lives from the ground up. I used to drink all day every day - relationships ruined, health awful, no career left, living on buck to buck...but I turned it around.

There's hundreds of success stories like mine here too - they can be yours as well

There's been a lot of good advice here - I'd just like to add - don't give up - cast your net as far as you can - follow through with stuff, get support, stay connected with others who understand like us here.....

I believe you can do it

D

Anna

You are not hopeless, and I think you might be overestimating the help that you think many of us have.

I do have a husband and children, but I was really on my own by the time I stopped drinking. My family was not offering support and had no interest in my recovery. The decision to stop drinking was a decision I had to make for myself. I might not have lost everything, but I lost my soul and the despair I felt was immeasurable.

Know that you can do this!

Peter G

Welcome on board Cotwo. Like MycoolFitz I lost everything and everyone. In fact reading your post I actually had to giggle a bit because I m hard pressed to recall 1 hard core alcoholic I've met who hadn't lost most everything meaningful in their lives and who hadn't lived for years with no support before achieving sobriety.

I came to understand that - for me - it took seeking out the support I required before it came. First bit of support I received came when I looked up at the sky in tears of absolute agony and simply screaming "Please help me!! I can't live like this another second!!!" Low and behold I found this web site online within minutes of that plea, completely by mistake. The next bit of support came as the kind folks here at SR and stepped up, and almost instantly I went from a broken man, completely alone for years, to having a group of folks just like me who supported my efforts, and they provided me what was needed at the time.

Bottom line, IMO, is supporting your own quest for recovery enough to reach out is necessary before it will ever manifest in your life. By joining and posting here now, you've already begun that process for yourself.

In contrast I remember drinking solely because I had lost people, places, things. In fact that kept me drinking for quite a while. Years went by as I wallowed in that continuing and progressing loss of loved ones, money, status, life. As a result I constantly felt "extreme loneliness, insane feelings of regret, and all the time, anger", and those feelings never gave up on me, until I gave up on them.

It took me reaching out for support to come. I do have a pretty rocking support system now, as some friends from here at SR have helped me immensely, especially some time back, during a relapse. That assistance came only because I went looking for it, and I couldn't be more grateful for how it came to me.

And btw, willpower? Ha! Willpower was that thing I used for over a decade, to my detriment. However, replace willpowerwith Higher power and what you say makes good sense - as Boleo eluded. That's the only thing that finally helped me. No amount of willpower ever kept me sober for long. The opposite in fact, trying to force my will on sobriety kept me drunk far longer than I needed to be.

Dee74

I just wanted to add cotwo
It wasn't will power for me...it was acceptance of what, and who, I am - and of the fact that alcohol is no longer a viable option for me, ever.

Once I accepted that, and resolved to go to whatever lengths necessary to stay sober, I started to move forward after 15 years of floundering

D

least

If I can do it, so can anyone. I felt hopeless for a long time and failed time after time. But with the help of my friends here and my addiction counselor I didn't give up, I kept trying, until I finally got it right. I now have almost 21 months sober. And I'm happy to boot. I rarely think of drinking, and often think of just how glad I am that I finally quit for good. My life is much better, even with the same ol' problems, as I'm no longer creating problems by drinking.