Beckalee43

My mind is boggled...
My s/o is currently in a 3/4 home and he has a room mate. The other day his room mate just had a streek of bad luck over the last two wks. His room mate possibly hit a breaking point and wanted to use again, but my s/o intervened and convinced him not to, then all was fine.
However, the way it was explained to me was more a long the lines of a teenager saying that they're going to commit sucide, but were just looking for the attention.
Is it a possibility or even common for recovering addicts to develope a mind frame like a codependent. I mean I am absolutely lost on this one.
My s/o told me that he was doing service work, but I think I have a different concept of what service work is.
Any insight to this would be great!
Thanks!

Ann

Almost every addict or alcoholic I know is also codependent...yup, it's true.

Even here on this forum we have a number of "double winners", people who are in recovery for alcohol or drug abuse and also in recovery to work through their codependent issues.

I also know a number of codependents who turned to alcohol or drugs to numb their pain....I came very close to being one of them but somehow managed to stop before I crossed that line.

We're not so very different, and I have often maintained that once the substance is put down, their road to recovery and ours is very much the same.

Hugs

Beckalee43

Ok, I'm simply asking the question because I'm not familiar yet, but once a person is in recovery do they acknowledge that some times this may be a problem? Or is this sort of pushed to the side because it's not the most threatening issue?

JustAYak

I'm one of the "double winners" as Ann put it. It's certainly possible to have codie issues and be an addict yourself, though mine stem from being the child of an addict. I classify myself as more counter-dependent (though I do have traits of codependency as well). Counter-dependecy is the lesser known sister of codependency but just as harmful.

I imagine that cynical one is right, that most addicts don't even know they have codependency problems, but I do believe that not all addicts do have those issues. The only reason I believe this is because not all addicts stem from dysfunctional childhoods or relationships, there are few out there who just simply fell in love with the drugs/alcohol regardless of their relational life.

Freedom1990

One addict helping another is part of recovery. There were many times during my early recovery that I either called my sponsor or someone else in the program because I was struggling with the urge to use. That's not codependency in my eyes. Step 12 tells me that "we tried to carry this message to addicts, and practice these principles in all our affairs."

soberlicious

One addict helping another can be a part of recovery, but there can also be a fine line. Some of us have trouble setting boundaries. I became emeshed in other people's drama early on. It served two purposes for me at the time: 1) I could focus on their problems and not mine 2) I could "help" someone which made me feel good about myself. For me neither purpose was healthy. It has taken me a long time (and some pain) to figure out what helping another person really means.

Freedom1990

Yes I agree there is a fine line, and like you, it took time and some pain for me to find that balance that is healthy.

I was very people-reliant early in recovery, but entrusted more and more of my life to my higher power as time went on.