Futureisnow

Hi, just wanted to do a quick introduction I guess. Only 2 days sober but I want (need) this to be the time that "sticks". I have done about 4 months sober before so I know I can do it for a while, but I need this time to be it. I cannot stand blackouts/guilt/losing friends/possible death anymore. Sobriety is all I've been thinking about for the past few days. anyway, hello, and good to find a place to go online to discuss these things.

loudog430

Welcome!

Let me ask you this, what was it that made you believe you could handle alcohol again? Alcohol laughs at you every time you think this because it knows you'll eventually lose control.

For me, I did believe, after 1 month of NO drinks, and 3 months of "a drink here and there" that I could continue down that path. In the past few weeks, I have gone completely over board, and realize my original statement to be true.

artsoul

Welcome FutureisNow - I like that name! So many of us have relapsed at least once and found that it only gets worse..... I'm glad you've decided to get sober again.

Take it one day at a time and be good to yourself. There's a ton of support here and it's become my daily lifeline. Glad you're here!

Dee74

Welcome futureisnow

D

Futureisnow

Thanks. You know, im not exactly sure why i thought i could handle it again. I drank at a friends wedding without incident after the 4 months and i guess that started up the (very) false belief that " maybe i could handle a beer once in a while, but no hard liquour" Just complete mind tricks that i would use to justify it to myself. It just started the "slippery slope" back to blackouts and terrible drunken incidents again. I now realize that even if it doesnt happen the first time, it WILL happen. I am just completely an alcoholic, no way around that fact. Thanks again.

loudog430

Same here. Even after a few beers, I believed "I didn't really need that." I don't think one needs some life altering event to be alcoholic. If you every just drank one beer and said, "Wish I didn't do that," you need to avoid it. Media and society are against alcoholism because it cuts millions of people's businesses built essentially around a poison.

I think there is a lot more than just giving it up. I think we need to do some serious soul searching and self esteem building. I am not talking about self esteem and self confidence to talk to a girl/guy at a bar or speak to the public, but your role as a human being and your own role in your own life.

Futureisnow

I agree. Its a continuing process of finding out what you like to do while sober, who you like to hang out with, and of course who you are/your role or place in the world. I actually started jotting down activities that I want to get back into again like fishing, hiking etc and was happy to see that same type of list as a sticky here!! It really makes me happy to think about the things i will get back to actually doing with my life again! I cant wait!

loudog430

It might be a good time to take some personnel time off from work to indulge in those things, and possibly by yourself for reflection purposes...I plan on taking a winter MEcation.

Futureisnow

That is a great idea. Im not even employed at the moment but i do have a phone interview tomorrow. And my unemployment is very much related to my drinking wouldnt you know it.

eJoshua

Welcome to SR!

Good luck in your decision to achieve long term sobriety.

loudog430

Do you feel comfortable sharing the circumstance you were in/are in with employment?

Futureisnow

Thank you eJoshua. Loudog430... I didnt get along with my boss at all (too much to go into right now) but never the less I should have tried harder to make it work. I was hung over some days, and even drinking on the job at times. Pathetic behaviour. I ended up just quitting one day when i had a ridiculous hangover. Im not proud of it at all. Yet another (of many) that i MUST get sober.