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Back on the Wagon

Old 08-22-2011, 01:35 PM
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Back on the Wagon

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum. This seems like a good place to get support, so thought I'd post.

Basic summary, my family on my mom's side has a long history of heavy drinkers/alcoholics. A few years ago my mom ended up in the hospital and almost died due to server liver disease. She miraculously recovered, however, she still struggles with her sobriety.

Shortly after watching her endure that, I looked at my own drinking habits and realized I had a problem. While I have never been an every day drinker, I saw a pattern of binge drinking. Not while out with friends though, it was at home alone. I would look forward to the weekends because drinking was fun! I'd find a new type of wine that I'd never tried and I enjoyed that. But it was never a glass, it was always the bottle. Maybe more.

2 years ago in August I decided I needed to quit. I stopped cold turkey, made an appointment with my doctor to get advice and make sure I was healthy. I had no withdrawal symptoms. I threw myself into working out more and by Christmas that year I was the thinnest and healthiest I'd ever been. I moved up my career and moved to Los Angeles in April 2010. Moving to California was always a dream of mine.

Last December I celebrated my 30th birthday and I wanted to allow myself a drink. I know, this was stupid. But I thought I was able to quit for over a year on my own without AA or anything, just me.

I had a little bit of champagne (not even a full glass) and thought "eh, no big deal. Don't miss this." Then this past February my social life in my new city started to explode. I thought since I was able to handle a little bit of champagne I could handle a drink of wine. So I had one at a social gathering, just one, and that was it. I thought to myself "I can control this."

I was wrong. 6 months later and I'm right back to where I was 2 years ago when I decided to quit. Not an every day drinker, but every time I drink it's in excess. I can see it taking a toll on my body mentally and physically. I've gained back all of the weight I fought so hard to lose. And it has affected my work output, though fortunately, not to the point that it's hurt my job security. But I know it will if I don't do something now. It hasn't affected my relationships with friends and family really, though I did get very drunk in Vegas at a friend's bachelorette party and she wasn't very happy with me. We have talked and mended fences but I know she was disappointed in me.

So, I've decided that I have to quit and get back on the wagon. I wanted to believe that I could control it, but obviously I just can't, no matter how much I want it to. I wish I could just have a beer every once in awhile and not have it get out of hand. I hate being drunk, absolutely hate it. I don't want to be drunk, it just happens.

I've never tried AA before, but maybe this time I should. I'm just scared, and group therapy hasn't always worked so well with me in the past. But it would be nice to know that I'm not alone and talk to others who have overcome this horrible disease.

I've looked up AA meetings in the area and it's all very confusing to me. What's the best meeting to go to as a newbie? It's hard enough as it just to go, I'd like to find the most comfortable option.

Anyway, thanks for listening. It's good to have a place like this to be able to talk about your problems. Wishing everyone all the best.

Committed to be sober for life,
KT
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Old 08-22-2011, 01:42 PM
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Hi and Welcome,

It's really hard to accept that we can't control our drinking, no matter how hard we try.

You'll find lots of support here and we do understand.

I'm not an AA person, but others will be along to offer advice. I think there are beginner's meetings, but you are welcome at any meetings.
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Old 08-22-2011, 01:48 PM
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Just get to a meeting. Not group therapy. A bunch of drunks in a room. People who work the steps can change.

You'll find all kinds of people in the spectrum of using and attending to get a court slip signed to people with long time sobriety. Each person is different. Some are more sober than others.

I drank daily, so I attend meetings daily. Try a variety of meetings.

Just don't drink for now and go to meetings. The more sober you get, the better YOU will know what meetings to attend.

I'd make suggestions, but you're new, so some meetings could be intimidating.

Listen to Sandy B. On xa speakers online. He chaired the Saturday Morning Live meetings in 1994 in Washington DC. It was (is?) a large speaker-step meeting. He's well known near me (DC suburbs), not sure if he's still around. He's a great step speaker!

Best wishes!
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Old 08-22-2011, 03:25 PM
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Welcome to SR breakthehabit

I think a lot of us tried, a few times, to prove we were as normal as the next guy when it came to drinking - and found we weren't....

I've found a great new life sober. I never regretted my decision

You'll find a lot of support here. Good to have you with us

D
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Old 08-22-2011, 08:28 PM
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Thank you all for the warm welcome, I really appreciate it.

It is nice to have a place like this to go to to help us through the process. I am determined to stay sober this time. I have an appointment with my counselor tomorrow and hopefully will be able to get some good advice from her on things I can do.
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Old 08-23-2011, 01:32 AM
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Welcome to SR!

There are good AA meetings and there are crappy AA meetings. Personally, when I got sober I asked everyone I knew who attended AA to go with them to their meetings to check them out. That wasn't a bad way to start.

If you don't have any friends that are in AA then just check out this site:
Alcoholics Anonymous L.A. Central Office.

And possibly call the support line for LA area AA meetings: (800) 923-8722 (staffed 24/7) -- they can give you info on meeting times and places and advice for your first meeting.

This website helped me out a lot before I went to my first meeting:
Your First AA Meeting<

AA can be kind of intimidating if you've never been before, but that guide helped a lot.

Finally my last piece of advice is check out a few different meetings. Like I said, some meetings are great and some suck, so don't base your feelings of AA on one meeting. I made that mistake the first time around and ended up not getting involved in a recovery group a long time because I didn't think I liked them.

Best of luck in your recovery!
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