esyla

hello everyone..

it might take me a while to get back into being on a forum.. i used to be part of one a while back.. my boyfriend suggested i look into this after having some difficulties with my temporary sponsor (who is now no longer) and conflict between NA and my addiction psychiatrist. i'm sure the suboxone debate is long played out and i want no part of it, but there's that, along with other psychiatric meds that i'm on, causing issues in my real life meetings.

long story short - im 26 years old, always been a heavy drinker, went through a coke phase, an ectasy phase, and then found percs - my drug of choice, weakness, and downfall. i never had a "rock bottom" like a lot of people do.. i never was homeless, lost a job (technically, but i can get more into that later), nothing like that - i was ok until i wasnt, basically. the first time i tried to give up pills, i really thought it was no biggie - went 30 days and then decided to get high, and then i couldnt stop. got on suboxone, started going to aa meetings, then tried na and liked it better.. right now i'm fed up and dont want to deal with any of it because i cant agree with some of it. i gave it a solid shot - 2 1/2 months, and i'm not saying im done, im just not interested in doing things in my way or the highway mode.

next week i'll be 90 days clean. and happy! it's been a long time since i could say that, that's for sure. i've moved back home with my parents, started a new job right after i got sober, and my relationship with my incredibly supportive boyfriend couldnt be better. only drawback - i wanted to start stepwork but to be perfectly honest my temp sponsor did not have time for me, doesn't really follow a program i agree with, and i'm better off starting over.

anyway, like i was saying at first - i like to talk. i end up rambling. i might post this and not really be back, or i might be around a lot. i feel a lot like i grew out of forums in the past - but we shall see..

least

to the best recovery site everywhere. I'm glad you joined the family.

sugarbear1

Emotional emptiness. Big bottom.

Welcome!

esyla

good point

least it looks like you're a dog lover as much as i am a cat lover! the best part about moving back home with my parents is that now not only do i have my 2 kitty loves, there's also my mom's 2 yorkipoos, her cat, and my brother's cat. i looove it! hehe.. thought it would be a crazy zoo but it's great

Dee74

Welcome esyla

Congratulations on the upcoming 90

I hope you do stick around - this is a great place

D

wellwisher

Hi eslya and welcome to SR. Congrats on your 90 days - feels great, eh?

Sorry about the situation with your temporary sponsor. I ran into that situation myself, but while it seemed to me at the time like a really big bump in the road, I came to believe that some things happen for a reason, and I found the best sponsor I possibly could have had early in my sobriety.

Ah, well, hindsight is always 20/20. Sometimes what I think I want is not always the thing I need.

I hope you decide to keep posting - a lot of good people on these boards.

All my best...

nandm

and congrats on your time

esyla

that's what i'm thinking - it was the medication issue that put us over the edge, but i wasn't getting anything out of the relationship anyway. she was never available, even to talk, and i think i only had her sponsor me because she offered so i didn't have to ask someone to do it (fear of rejection, surprise surprise). i'm going to pray for a sponsor i can respect, learn from, and lean on, because that just wasn't what i found in her.

(speaking of prayer - that's one thing i have to say the program gave me. i didn't even WANT to be spiritual joining the program. and then one day i just tried it out and it felt ok and i did it again. heh.. but that's a subject for another thread, probably..)

wellwisher

Exactly my first experience, what you said. I was able to get past the fear of asking for a sponsor because I figured if I was savvy enough to get booze when I had no resources, then I had to ask myself why it was so hard to ask for what I needed to get sober.

And as far as the spirtual thing, yep, definately went in kicking and screaming (lol) - my HP at first was believing that others could help me when I couldn't seem to help myself. That combined with the fact that I felt so isolated and didn't belong anywhere, and what I really wanted was to give up the life and get back to "normal", which for me was so far in the past it was hard to even know what "normal" was.

I kissed a couple of toads along the way, but each step of the way taught me something useful.

recoverywfaith

to SR and congrats!!

eJoshua

That's awesome! I moved back in w/ my parents when I got sober too (131 days ago) and we're the same age. I have to admit it a little sheepishly when people ask me about my living situation.

Glad things are going so well for you!

esyla

congrats on your 131 days! i think i viewed moving home as a big step back before, but honestly i'm so much happier now and i never would've guessed it. however - i sorta have an excuse i got a job south of where my parents live, and i wouldve been having an awful commute if i had stayed where i was living on my own - that's my "reason" for people who don't know the whole truth.

thank you everyone for welcoming me!!

esyla

eek, cant edit! i mustve accidentally tapped that smiley, lol