DeepBlue

Hi - have just joined the forum again. I tried so hard to beat alcohol back in 2008 and 2009, but couldn't stick with being sober. Since then, my drinking has got worse and worse and I know I must quit before it ruins the rest of my life. I am still drinking at the moment but am gradually developing the courage to quit. Reading other people's posts helps me a lot.

michaelsgirl

Hello DeepBlue. Admitting to being a alcoholic and wanting to quit is a HUGE Step!! My boyfriend is a alcoholic and he is was one month sober yesterday. He couldnt wait to get to his AA class to tell everyone so they could give him his 1 month sober chip. He has gone through a lot and I have put up with a lot more...dealing with his mood swings and being hateful and rude...but I am hoping as long as I dont give up on him he will stay sober. He is about to start a new job ...driving a truck for the first time...he wants me to trust him and support him and I am trying. I currently work for a transporation company and I hear stories from our drivers so its hard to think he wont have the urge to take a drink while he is away from home...thats when he drinks...away from us. So it scares me but I have learned in Al-Anon I cant control him and I cant prevent him from doing it...he has to do this for himself. Just like you have to do it for yourself. If you have family living with you...try to think about them the next time you take a drink and how its affecting them...not physically but emotionally. I know when my BF was drinking we had fun...he was not mean or hateful he was funny and we had a great time and even though sometimes I wish he was drinking again to have that back I just cant risk it..I know if he stays sober and sees that we are worth fighting for he will keep it up and stay sober...if he drinks again...we (my kids and I) will be gone. He has lied to me, cheated on me and I have done nothing but support him both mentally and financially so when he lies to me or cheats it hurts so bad and the last time he did it i told him there wont be a next time thats when he decided this life is what he wanted and chose to go to AA and has been going every day for a month now...we are so proud of him even with his mood swings...we understand since we go to Al-Anon. It helps...even if you cant just quit...go to AA or to a Al-Anon and see what others are goign through...you arent alone. I dont drink but I know what you are going through from my BF telling me stories and what I learn in Al-Anon. I want to pray for you and hope you find peace and the strength to say no...life is too short and you want to live!~!! We all do! May God Bless you and keep you safe!! GOOD LUCK!!

DeepBlue

Many thanks michaelsgirl for your warm welcome, and for sharing your own situation. You sound really strong and your boyfriend is very lucky to have your support and understanding. I hope he decides to make the right choices for himself. I will be doing this on my own as I am single but hope that this site will help me along the way. Thanks again.

MycoolFitz

Hey, DeepBlue, I also joined SR in 2009 and also relapsed but I quit again over 90 days ago and have never been filled with as much gratitude toward my life as I have now. There's no time to quit like this moment. I literally quit in mid-drink April 22 and have never looked back. My best to you.

DeepBlue

Thanks mycoolfitz! That's amazing that you just just quit "mid drink" - was there a trigger? What made you stop at that moment in particular? I'm glad you are doing so well. 90 days is a wonderful achivement - I can only hope that I can do as well.

MycoolFitz

"Thanks mycoolfitz! That's amazing that you just just quit "mid drink" - was there a trigger? What made you stop at that moment in particular? I'm glad you are doing so well. 90 days is a wonderful achivement - I can only hope that I can do as well."

Well, I can't say for sure because I was flat-assed drunk :-) but I believe I had a spiritual awakening or maybe just temporary sanity. I had been drinking about 1 and 1/2 liters of vodka and the same of wine every day for many many months. With my glass of vodka to my lips, something deep inside me cried out "No More", I poured out the half filled glass and all my vodka and wine stash within the next few minutes. I believe it was about 2:00pm the 22nd. The only thing I would have done differently is gone to the emergency room. I did go to my doctor the next week for a complete check up.

DeepBlue

That's amazing! Who knows how that happened but it sounds like something inside you changed. Did you get a bad withdrawal? I'm on 2 bottles of wine a day and am a bit worried about suddenly stopping, so will try and talk to the doctor first

MycoolFitz

Yes, do that. I'm sure you'll get a lot more support and info from others here. Take care.

michaelsgirl

You can do it DeepBlue. I know you can. You are on here seeking help and advice that is a huge step. Some people can be strong but it takes a even stronger person to seek help. You are on the right track. If you were broke, no job and had no way of getting a drink...what would you do? Could you live without it? Its easier to have someone to help you but just because my BF has me doesnt mean he agrees. AA tells him its not easy being in a relationship and being newly sober...its been really hard for him and me...i dont know how to deal with this and he doesnt understand why i dont understand that is why i started Al-Anon. Its great counseling and therapy for me. I really think if you started AA as a sober person or a alcoholic and you made friends with others taht are going through exactly what you are goign through probably worse...you would be able to deal with this better. I promise. I really am praying you find peace in this. I dont know you but I know you can do this!!! I have this feeling. Its weird I am not a psychic lol but I can just sense things some times and I have a feeling you are going to do fine. Just remember...you cant control anyone but yourself. Only you can Say NO to that next drink even if you have one in your hand right now...how about you start slow...if you are used to having 6 beers or 4 mixed drinks every evening or whatever ... cut it half. Try that...make that drink last longer ... 3 beers or 2 drinks...wing yourself from drinking so much. My BF BIGGEST problem was he didnt know when to quit until it was too late. I know he wants to stay sober but its when he gets away from home that he screws up...and I hate to see it but I fear so much that it will happen again when he leaves on Monday and going to be gone a year or more driving a truck I know thats negative but as much as he has lied to me and not falling through with what he has said he would do its hard to trust him. One day at a time and he knows that I dont trust him 100% yet...but he is trying to prove it...andI see him trying but I dont think he is trying hard enough...he is 38 and no kids...so he has a lot of growing up to do. I am 36 and have 2 kids that I am responsible for...they are my world...he used to be a part of that until he cheated and lied to me...maybe one day again...but until he can prove to me he cant lie or hide things from em...we will seee I am here if you need to chat or maybe I can give you my BF email and he can help you ...everyone needs someone to talk to...he doesnt know I am on here beacuse I did this for ME but I will help you anyway I can...I know you want to quit...I cant make you quit but I can try and HELP!

bellakeller

I love that; "temporary sanity". LOLl!

artsoul

Welcome back, DeepBlue -

I drank about a bottle of wine most days and was headed for more when I decided I'd had enough. It seemed that my life was all about getting through the day until I could feel "normal" again with a few drinks.

I worried about whether I could get sober, but figured the temporary pain of change was going to be a whole lot easier than following the road I was on. I pinned my hope on what others here said - that it gets better. It did. And it can for you too...... :ghug3 Glad you're here!!

DeepBlue

Thanks again michaelsgirl. I'm sure that most of us alcoholics forget what a tough time our nearest and dearest have. It must be a torment for you not knowing if you can trust your boyfriend. If he did tell you a lie it wold probably be because he didn't want to disappoint you, or was frightened of admitting a mistake. It doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't love or respect you. But he does have to deal with his problem, and needs to dind the inner strength to do that when he is away from you! I guess you can still talk to him everday on the phone? It would be good to keep in touch. If your boyfriend wants to post messages that would be great - we can all help each other - and it would be good for him to know that you use the site as it shows how much you are thinking about all the issues involved with this drinking problem.

1undone

Hey there Deepblue! Welcome back. I hope you find what you are looking for and seek out more help as has been mentioned here in a face to face situation with people who share your pain. I know for me the most healing place is AA. I am not alone anymore and I am accepted just as I am. There are other ways to meet people in groups as well and you can read about them on one of the "stickys" in this forum.

Again welcome and I'm looking foward to reading about your journey!!!

DeepBlue

Thanks for your support 1undone and for your advice.

sugarbear1

Welcome home! Prayers sent your way!

Dee74

welcome back DeepBlue

D

michaelsgirl

Deepblue...i know its not easy for him to be honest because his past relationship and this one are similiar when we are trying to figure out what he is up to or doing each day. I am not his mother or his wife and I understand that but he needs to understand that as long as he is under my roof with my kids and I am supporting him I would appreciate some respect and honesty. If he continues to hide things and lie to me I would be much better off without him and supporting his habit of smoking and used to support his habit of drinking...not anymore!! He leaves Monday and I hope he continues his AA as he did look up nearest AA places where he is going to be in the next 3 weeks but I refuse to keep tabs on him...i cant control him and I am trying to focus on me now and my kids and if he wants to communicate with me he will have to make that move. I am tired of not trustin him...just the other day he went 2 hours away to look for a job and didnt tell me and when I asked him what job interview he had he didnt want to tell me...he said I didnt wnat you to know...and he said it was a mistake and I shouldnt have went I dont want to move away from you so driving a truck I will be working and when I am off I will be home...i doubt that will happen ... i hate to be negative but EVERY time he gets on his own he does stupid stuff and just when I think i can trust him again he does this...he said he was sorry and he didnt want me to not trust him but its very hard to. He said if I hadnt asked about the job he wouldnt have told me...what kind of relationship is that?? Why cant he talk to me... sure I may not tell him what he wants to hear but EVERY time he does something on his own he regrets it. I am only trying to help him. He told me months ago that if it wasnt for me he would be dead right now he tells his family that and they appreciate me but then when he messes up and we fight i look like the bad guy because I dont "understand" what he is going through. So from now on...he is on his own...I will take care of me and mine...he can take care of him...and if he falls I wont be there to catch him THIS time...like many many times before...call me mean but fool me once shame on me fool me twice shame on him except this isnt the 2nd time he has lied or kept things from me (out of habit he says) its like the 5th time. Its going to be really really hard for me trust him but I have to let him go like we are broken up and see if I can deal with it that way. I am not going out looking for anyone else I just cant understand how someone cant love someone else as much as they love them and i do love him very much but after getting stepped on, kicked down and taken advantage of so much ... i just dont understand how I can continue to support him and be happy about him leaving. I want him to go...dont get me wrong it will give us both a break I just think he will mess up and if he does...or when he does...i wont be here for him again. Sorry just gotta take care of me... does that make since? I am not a mean person, obviously...I just tired of being mis-treated even if he is alcoholic...if it wasnt for me I dont think he would be in AA...he lives with me for free and has no job...why wouldnt he go ... he knew that if he slipt up again he would be homeless and I am sorry I feel that way but I do What do I do? We hardly have any time to gether because I am working full time and kids have functions after school and he has AA for two hours every night...no time for us...and I am thinking maybe he needs to go so maybe he will realize what he has before he loses it and thinks before he does anything...he thinks if he does something I wont find out...thats no way to live!!! I cant and WONT live that way anymore...it will come out eventually and by that time I will have been long gone.

Sorry if I am being negative just had enough and want to LIVE everyday to the fullest not when its convenient for him... My kids deserve more from their mom!!

Zebra1275

Welcome back!

DeepBlue

Hi again Michaelsgirl - i think you make perfect sense. There is no reason why you or anybody else should suffer because of his alcoholism. He is the only one who can deal with it. He needs to be able to trust himself before you can trust him again. But it is bound to take time and you should look after yourself first for a change. Good luck and stay strong.

DeepBlue

Well, after re-joining yesterday, I have decided to stop drinking straight away. It has been 19 hours since my last drink and I do not intend to drink today. I haven't been to the doc and am doing this on my own. At the moment I don't have any withdrawal symptoms but will monitor my blood pressure etc throughout just in case. I also have people in the house that I can call on if I need to. I just want to get this done!