So upset
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 69
So upset
From the outside I look pretty put together. I just started on my path to my dream job. Have an awesome family. Life looks great.
At least it should. I fear right now that alcohol will take it all away from me. I have absolutely no coping mechanisms. Any stressor no matter how large or small just sends me looking for a drink. All I want to do is be numb.
This last week was the tipping point. My brother in law dies suddenly and unexpectedly and on the day of his funeral my dear kitty was mauled to death. I am not coping with this well at all. What little control I had is gone.
I am really unhappy and want a change but am so scared. I dont want to fail at this. I dont even know how to start to stop. I am worried about the cravings that did in my last attempt. I am worried about the justifications I make up in my own mind. I am just miserable and do not want to lose everything I have worked so hard for.
At least it should. I fear right now that alcohol will take it all away from me. I have absolutely no coping mechanisms. Any stressor no matter how large or small just sends me looking for a drink. All I want to do is be numb.
This last week was the tipping point. My brother in law dies suddenly and unexpectedly and on the day of his funeral my dear kitty was mauled to death. I am not coping with this well at all. What little control I had is gone.
I am really unhappy and want a change but am so scared. I dont want to fail at this. I dont even know how to start to stop. I am worried about the cravings that did in my last attempt. I am worried about the justifications I make up in my own mind. I am just miserable and do not want to lose everything I have worked so hard for.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome back Biza - I really feel for you because I remember vividly being at the same place. I thought I was drinking because life was too hard, but as it turned out, it was the other way around.
I remember the fear too - it was scary to think about drinking my life away, but just as scary to think about getting sober.
I had to take it one day at a time (one hour, one minute - whatever it took) and stop worrying about what was going to happen tomorrow or the next day.
It really does get better......:ghug3
I remember the fear too - it was scary to think about drinking my life away, but just as scary to think about getting sober.
I had to take it one day at a time (one hour, one minute - whatever it took) and stop worrying about what was going to happen tomorrow or the next day.
It really does get better......:ghug3
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
Biza - It's a good thing to put those thoughts out there. Not feeling alone with this makes a huge difference.
You should be proud that you're questioning your drinking & looking for a better way of life for you & your family. It's horrible what you went though with your bil & cat, but drinking never makes things easier. It's just a temporary fix that numbs us for awhile - then we're back to square one. Feelings & emotions have to be dealt with when we're clearheaded or we get nowhere. (It only took me a lifetime of drinking to figure that out.)
I'm sure others will have some suggestions as you start out. We're all scared and doubtful in the beginning, that's normal. Please keep talking to us.
You should be proud that you're questioning your drinking & looking for a better way of life for you & your family. It's horrible what you went though with your bil & cat, but drinking never makes things easier. It's just a temporary fix that numbs us for awhile - then we're back to square one. Feelings & emotions have to be dealt with when we're clearheaded or we get nowhere. (It only took me a lifetime of drinking to figure that out.)
I'm sure others will have some suggestions as you start out. We're all scared and doubtful in the beginning, that's normal. Please keep talking to us.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 120
Hiya Biza and a heart felt welcome
If you read these forums, you will see that a lot of people were or are at where you are now. There are doctors, nurses, lawyers, business executives, business owners, plumbers, construction workers, you think of a profession and they are here. Not a one of them that I have seen, is judgmental or condescending. Not a one.
The first thing to do is to see a proffesional that deals with addiction.don't do this yourself. You don't have to, nor would you want to as detox can be real deadly. Put yourself on hold and focus on getting fixed. After 12 weeks, re assess how you feel. Start a journal so you can look back and see the he'll you are in. Everything you worked for doesn't have to go away. Unfortunately for some it does when they bottom out. But that bottom is different for everyone.
Good luck to you.
If you read these forums, you will see that a lot of people were or are at where you are now. There are doctors, nurses, lawyers, business executives, business owners, plumbers, construction workers, you think of a profession and they are here. Not a one of them that I have seen, is judgmental or condescending. Not a one.
The first thing to do is to see a proffesional that deals with addiction.don't do this yourself. You don't have to, nor would you want to as detox can be real deadly. Put yourself on hold and focus on getting fixed. After 12 weeks, re assess how you feel. Start a journal so you can look back and see the he'll you are in. Everything you worked for doesn't have to go away. Unfortunately for some it does when they bottom out. But that bottom is different for everyone.
Good luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I'm so sorry for your losses....the double whammy gets thrown at us sometimes.
Please remember that both of your loved ones do not want you to suffer....it will get better if you put a plan in place to get to sobriety. Try to envision what you want life to belike with your new job (congrats)....you need to focus on something positive.
take some steps to have a plan when you want to drink, get some FTF support, right now it might be grief counselling.
keep posting. someone is always around to answer.
Please remember that both of your loved ones do not want you to suffer....it will get better if you put a plan in place to get to sobriety. Try to envision what you want life to belike with your new job (congrats)....you need to focus on something positive.
take some steps to have a plan when you want to drink, get some FTF support, right now it might be grief counselling.
keep posting. someone is always around to answer.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 69
Thank you
Thanks everyone.
I just feel terrible right now. My heart hurts so badly. These losses are just some of what we have been through in the last few years. I think the stress took its toll on me. I have not been able to cope with my feelings.
What happened last week with my BIL and yesterday with my kitten were just too much. I really do need help. I am so upset with myself. Others need me and I am just not there when I drown my feeling with alcohol.
Thank you all for telling me it will get better. I am going to hold on to that.
I just feel terrible right now. My heart hurts so badly. These losses are just some of what we have been through in the last few years. I think the stress took its toll on me. I have not been able to cope with my feelings.
What happened last week with my BIL and yesterday with my kitten were just too much. I really do need help. I am so upset with myself. Others need me and I am just not there when I drown my feeling with alcohol.
Thank you all for telling me it will get better. I am going to hold on to that.
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Hi Biza,
I'm sorry for your losses, that sounds like an absolutely terrible couple of weeks. My thoughts are with you.
I know what you mean about being afraid of the cravings. I found that the only way to get past the cravings was to focus on my recovery constantly, especially for the first 30-60 days or so. I was going to a lot of meetings in that time and it really helped. I'm now over 4 months sober and I can tell you that I've gotten a lot stronger and better at reisting those urges. They have also lessened in intensity a lot from how they were when I first quit.
I think planning ahead is key. Do you have a support system in place? Have you gone to AA or other support groups before?
We are always here to support you. There is hope for recovery -- people get sober and stay sober all the time and you can do it too.
I'm sorry for your losses, that sounds like an absolutely terrible couple of weeks. My thoughts are with you.
I know what you mean about being afraid of the cravings. I found that the only way to get past the cravings was to focus on my recovery constantly, especially for the first 30-60 days or so. I was going to a lot of meetings in that time and it really helped. I'm now over 4 months sober and I can tell you that I've gotten a lot stronger and better at reisting those urges. They have also lessened in intensity a lot from how they were when I first quit.
I think planning ahead is key. Do you have a support system in place? Have you gone to AA or other support groups before?
We are always here to support you. There is hope for recovery -- people get sober and stay sober all the time and you can do it too.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
I'm really sorry Biza - what a dreadful week.
I think a lot of us start at that point of having no coping mechanisms but the bottle - I know I did....and it's tough....but it's not impossible to learn new ways of coping and dealing with things.
Support really helps - a lot - so I'm glad you're back with us.
I know you can do this
D
I think a lot of us start at that point of having no coping mechanisms but the bottle - I know I did....and it's tough....but it's not impossible to learn new ways of coping and dealing with things.
Support really helps - a lot - so I'm glad you're back with us.
I know you can do this
D
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