NotSoSmart

When my AGF went into residential treatment on July 14, I went into my own treatment. I started attending Al and Nar Anon meetings on a regular basis.

I went to a meeting recently when they were having a step discussion. I am just beginning to work Step One, so I was a little lost. I think it was step 4, about making a list of our shortcomings. At that time I was racking my brain to come up with anything on my end that I did wrong... I mean I put up with all the crap right?

This week has been full of light bulb moments. Even though I'm not ready to work that step, I am starting to see my behaviors (shortcomings) and how they contributed to the disease. Some of the things I've done automatically I now realize are controlling. For example, I "helped" my AGF with organizational skills last weekend. Since she's in treatment until Oct, I thought I'd organize her paperwork (she's a packrat) and streamline things for her. I tossed out a LOT of stuff that I considered unimportant and marveled at how much better the room looks now that her "pile" is organized. What I failed to realize is how she will feel coming home and all her papers are gone... b/c I decided for her what was to keep and what was to throw away. I have contributed to her low self esteem in many (unintended) ways through my "helping". I've subtly taught her that she can't do for herself, that I do it better, she's not capable, all through my efforts that until now thought were caring and helpful.

So when it comes time for Step 4 I think I'll have something to start with :P

And I plan to confess my transgression to her on our family visit tomorrow

dollydo

Yeah, we codies love to control everyone else, we just somehow forget to control ourselves, our actions.

You are on the right track, keep working on you!