Same old story
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Better than where I was
Posts: 267
Same old story
So here's my story, My father was an alcoholic. Was, he died last year from liver cancer after being sober for 20 years. Proud as hell of him. He wasn't just a dry drunk, he actually worked the system & for a while was a alcohol/substance abuse counselor until he retired. While he was drinking he wasn't an angry drunk or abusive, he would just drink till he passed out. It was like he wasn't even there, I'm sure most/all of you can relate to the shell person. He got real sick & dried out for a month or two then thought he could drink & control it, that lasted a few months & right back to full go. He realized he had no control & checked himself in to rehab. My ma stuck with him & did get 20 years after that & they ended up being happy again. Only now do I realize the hell she went through to get there though.
So....I've been married for 10 years, been with her for 17 and she has turned into the same kind of drunk my father was. Guess even when you've lived through it once you don't always see/want to see the signs. I love her when she's sober but get my heart broken when she's the other person. She drinks till she passes out, nearly every night & every single time we go anywhere there is drinking. When she goes on her big benders, you know the 1-2 week all day & night ones she'll sometimes get abusive & hallucinate a lot of things that never happened. Oh boy that's fun! I've learned a lot from lurking on this site, thank you 3 C's & am remembering more & more from days of my dad's recovery, but i've lived this once, don't think I can do it any longer, it's been getting worse every year. She nearly died when she drove drunk into a tree & had a year long recovery with over a month in the hospital & several surgeries. She has broken her foot twice this summer falling down stairs drunk, has broken her collar bone, dozens of sprains & on & on & on.......you know, shes clumsy ha ha! I'm tired of pulling all the weight to housework, bills, lawn work etc etc. At first we would argue about her drinking, now I know I didn't cause it, can't control it & can't cure it & life is a lot easier. But our marriage is ****! She has never been good at opening up & now when we talk, I talk at her & she says she doesn't know what to say. I would leave right now except we're in a hole. Mostly from her losing her job due to being out of work while in the hospital & being drunk at the following company christmas party, way to go! I've gotten our finances in order so in 4 years we'll have most of our debt cleared. 4 years! I'm not sure I can make it, I don't want to go bankrupt & lose the house. I know I can do it but it's a mighty big hill & i'm at the bottom of it! I know a lot of people have it a lot worse than me & that helps. At this point I don't feel comfortable talking with my ma about this as next thurs is the 1 year anniversary of my dads death & very bad timing. Especially because she has no idea about her the extent of her drinking. I learned to be an excellent codie thank you very much! I will talk with her, just not right now. Sorry so long but been a long time comin.
So same old story for me, same old story for a lot of people.
So....I've been married for 10 years, been with her for 17 and she has turned into the same kind of drunk my father was. Guess even when you've lived through it once you don't always see/want to see the signs. I love her when she's sober but get my heart broken when she's the other person. She drinks till she passes out, nearly every night & every single time we go anywhere there is drinking. When she goes on her big benders, you know the 1-2 week all day & night ones she'll sometimes get abusive & hallucinate a lot of things that never happened. Oh boy that's fun! I've learned a lot from lurking on this site, thank you 3 C's & am remembering more & more from days of my dad's recovery, but i've lived this once, don't think I can do it any longer, it's been getting worse every year. She nearly died when she drove drunk into a tree & had a year long recovery with over a month in the hospital & several surgeries. She has broken her foot twice this summer falling down stairs drunk, has broken her collar bone, dozens of sprains & on & on & on.......you know, shes clumsy ha ha! I'm tired of pulling all the weight to housework, bills, lawn work etc etc. At first we would argue about her drinking, now I know I didn't cause it, can't control it & can't cure it & life is a lot easier. But our marriage is ****! She has never been good at opening up & now when we talk, I talk at her & she says she doesn't know what to say. I would leave right now except we're in a hole. Mostly from her losing her job due to being out of work while in the hospital & being drunk at the following company christmas party, way to go! I've gotten our finances in order so in 4 years we'll have most of our debt cleared. 4 years! I'm not sure I can make it, I don't want to go bankrupt & lose the house. I know I can do it but it's a mighty big hill & i'm at the bottom of it! I know a lot of people have it a lot worse than me & that helps. At this point I don't feel comfortable talking with my ma about this as next thurs is the 1 year anniversary of my dads death & very bad timing. Especially because she has no idea about her the extent of her drinking. I learned to be an excellent codie thank you very much! I will talk with her, just not right now. Sorry so long but been a long time comin.
So same old story for me, same old story for a lot of people.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 588
Welcome! Sorry for the reason you are here, but you will find a lot of thoughtful, helpful people who understand exactly how you feel, and who've walked your walk.
Keep reading, and posting. You don't have to make a decisions today, or even tomorrow, or until you feel it's right.
I'm still with my AH and although I haven't experienced the chaos you describe, I know it's tough to detach while still living with active alcoholism, but it is possible. And it does get better, even if your wife doesn't, because you can work on the only thing you can control - YOU.
Welcome, stay around a while, you'll be glad you did.
Have you tried Alanon? It's like this Site, but you are face to face with people who get it, because they've been there too. Sometimes you have to try different meetings, and go several times, to figure out whether it is for you. I find it helps me alot, although I do struggle with the Higher Power part of it.
Keep reading, and posting. You don't have to make a decisions today, or even tomorrow, or until you feel it's right.
I'm still with my AH and although I haven't experienced the chaos you describe, I know it's tough to detach while still living with active alcoholism, but it is possible. And it does get better, even if your wife doesn't, because you can work on the only thing you can control - YOU.
Welcome, stay around a while, you'll be glad you did.
Have you tried Alanon? It's like this Site, but you are face to face with people who get it, because they've been there too. Sometimes you have to try different meetings, and go several times, to figure out whether it is for you. I find it helps me alot, although I do struggle with the Higher Power part of it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 255
Thanks for sharing, and sorry for your troubles. Your story mirrors my own in many ways.
Alcoholic Wife who doesn't work, drinks herself into a catatonic state two or three nights a week...hospital bills from drunken fall...finances in the toilet.
Sounds like you're on your way to recovery, though, and that's worth something. Stay strong and keep posting. You'll find lots of support and wisdom here.
Alcoholic Wife who doesn't work, drinks herself into a catatonic state two or three nights a week...hospital bills from drunken fall...finances in the toilet.
Sounds like you're on your way to recovery, though, and that's worth something. Stay strong and keep posting. You'll find lots of support and wisdom here.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: California, USA
Posts: 293
Oh Boy, thank you for sharing your "same old story." Yes, mine is the same old story too! We aren't alone. And there is a lot of hope for us as well. Please keep posting!
My father is a sober alcoholic (25 years, no recovery program but works his own methods). My mother is an unrecovered Alanoid (?) --one who is married to an alcoholic. And both are ACOAs (adult children of alcoholics), like me. I married an alcoholic who is turning out to be a lot like my father, I'm learning, now that he's recovering. It's great that your father found sobriety and recovery before he passed. . .That is a gift.
Yes, I agree with TeM. Stay strong, keep posting. Thank you for your sharing. Your sharing also gives those like me strength.
My father is a sober alcoholic (25 years, no recovery program but works his own methods). My mother is an unrecovered Alanoid (?) --one who is married to an alcoholic. And both are ACOAs (adult children of alcoholics), like me. I married an alcoholic who is turning out to be a lot like my father, I'm learning, now that he's recovering. It's great that your father found sobriety and recovery before he passed. . .That is a gift.
Yes, I agree with TeM. Stay strong, keep posting. Thank you for your sharing. Your sharing also gives those like me strength.
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