saphira

I don't like hostility... I don't like confrontation of any kind-- probably to a fault. I steer clear of situations that might erupt into something similar.

Having said that... I feel angry right now. I read the thread the other day about "which program is best" and all that jazz. I was very frustrated, and (I hope I'm not offending anyone here) I felt it was a waste of space (or thread in this case) and time. I was so pleased when the thread was shut down. However, I still feel that there are little jabs throughout threads hinting at one program may be better than another. I just want to go on the record here and let you all know that it frustrates me to know end!! I'm not "newly" sober, but I am "freshly" sober...with only a couple of months under my belt. I'm still trying out different things and programs trying to see what will fit in my life...what speaks to me. I hate feeling like I'm trying to be "won over" by a program. It's confusing and it adds stress to everything I'm already feeling right now. I can't imagine how it feels to sign on for the first time and see these little "zingers."

I just don't understand why people care if other people use "their" program. IT DOESN'T MATTER!! All of us getting better and improving our lives is the only thing that matters.

I'm sorry. I'm probably way out of line here, and I don't even know if this is their intention. All I know is that lately when I sign on, I worry about what I should post and what I should read. I read things that make me doubt whatever program I'm looking into and I'm hesitant to post things because I don't want nasty things said about whatever it is that I write. This should not be a worry in this kind of situation-- we should all be here to support EACH OTHER....not what PROGRAM we're in.

I apologize if I'm out of line or off the mark here. Just a feeling I've been having lately. I feel better now that it's off my chest.
Thanks.

Klynn33

venting is necessary sometimes and glad it made you feel better.

I'm with you. I believe different things/programs will work for different people. and the bottom line is that we find whatever it is that will work for US.

well said!

Dee74

I think all of us get a little annoyed from time to time at the 'here's what I think of your programme' stuff...there's been a number of threads on this recently.


Probably the best thing to do Saphira is to avoid threads that upset you in any way like that.

There are a lot of members here though - take a look around, take note of the ones you admire - find the ones who have what you want

For the others - especially those who seem to annoy you continously?
The ignore function is an excellent tool

ru12

The best program is the one that works for you. Don't let other people's opinion affect what works best for you. For me, I just don't drink and that works fine for me. Other people seem to need/want a lot more program than that. And that is great if it keeps them sober.

saphira

God bless you Dee.

recoverywfaith

It can be disheartening and I appreciate you sharing. When I first sobered up - there were not any AA on-line forums and I went on a rampage over "my program" being the only way and hurt a few people by doing so. Nice to know today there other ways to get and stay sober. I personally am very thankful for SR and given the opportunity today to do the right thing - I might suggest it to a few - that may or may not know about SR and other tools that have been beneficial for me in my recovery. Glad to have you and others on this journey.

Hevyn

Saphira - I remember feeling very fragile when I first got sober, and it didn't take much for me to be thrown off course. I'm sorry you've been made to feel uncomfortable, & I agree with Dee's advice. I'm glad you shared your thoughts.

saphira

Nothing wrong with suggesting a program that has worked! I just don't like feeling like if I'm doing a certain program, I must be an idiot. I think advice and suggestions are great if offered with a true intention to help.

saphira

Thanks Hevyn!! I appreciate all that you do. And just to clarify...I LOVE this site! That's why I feel so frustrated right now. Sr has given me so much hope and has connected me with so many AMAZING people. I guess that's why it's so frustrating when I feel nervous to read or post.

LifeIsCake

Hi Saphira,

I had a problem with this in the past as well since I don't agree with the some of the most popular recovery methods out there. I've always realized that it's a touchy subject around here so I started treating this topic like I do my religion.....I believe what I believe, I do what works for me, I respect everyone's opinion as their own and I very rarely offer my opinion in return. Hope that helps a little.

J

Suresh

Hi Saphira,

I had the same feeling, but then again, i guess since i'm new and all, i just didn't want to say it out. But you just did that and i should say a bravo and kudos goes to you!

There is a saying in malay "masuk telinga kiri, keluar telinga kanan", literally translated to english would say: "goes in your left ear, comes out through your right ear". I guess the meaning is self explanatory. Thats what I do when I bump into stuff that bothers me, after reading it, i just let it go and thats it. Its not beneficial whatsoever to me, and others, and it only raises the tension and as it is we are in pretty fragile situations (well at least I am).

And the worse part, I see this everyday and everywhere. My policy is simple and straight to the point. Take what you think is good, leave the rest, and reciprocate when you feel you've been helped (in a good way that is!). Working for me so far.

Pertaining to SR and my drinking issue, well, since i've joined, a lot of members have suggested to me many methods, AA, therapist, doctor, books, etc etc. I'm still trying out all the options and see what suits me. Because at the end, we all want the same goal, and i think i've said this elsewhere, but here i go again: to reach that said goal, the roads to reach there is endless. We determine that road, and the important thing is we reach the goal. How we reach there doesn't matter, or does it? (doesn't for me)

SR is my savior, and the members here have BIG hearts to reach and help out. That is something I can and never will forget. That alone is enough for me to "close one eye" when it comes to things like this.

Wishing you all the best and hope you can just forget about all this. It takes a lot of energy to frown and be feeling this way, but it takes none to just smile and be happy.

TC

saphira

Suresh.... You raise a good point. And by nature I usually am the optimistic one... finding a smile in every negative situation. I guess this one just caught me off guard. I am facing a semi-stressful situation right now and SR is my "go-to place". Anyway, you are right, and thank you for the reminder!! My life is in my control. I will take what helpful things I can but not let myself get stressed out from the rest. Thank you!

Suresh

I did? I thought i was ranting due to my insomnia haha... well glad and happy it served as a reminder for you! Well for me life is too short to just frown and be annoyed with things like this.

Terminally Unique

Q: If I use program XYZ and get sober, will program XYZ take credit for my success?Q: If I use program XYZ and I don't get sober, will program XYZ take responsibility for my failure?
What do I conclude from this?

michelle01

There are many different kinds of programs out there these days, and it can be very difficult wading through them, especially at the beginning of sobriety and feeling vulnerable. All these sites have their own testimonials, it's up to the viewer to separate truth from fiction (not always easy, how many people are paid to do good reviews?) and do their own research. A lot of these self help programs charge $, it's then you really should be careful in assessing them.

I know I don't come to recovery sites to listen to other people's beefs, I want recovery, not to take part in bickering. Though I'll admit, I had my own beef with AA at one point, I'm over it now and have since then come across some AA people who have greatly helped me in my recovery, in a respectful and constructive way. There are good and bad representatives in just about every program. If there is someone who you really find offensive in manner, there is always the /ignore option.

If you are not ready to give your all in your attitude, no program is going to work for you, there are no easy short cuts. You get out of it what you put in. I did use medication to get sober, but that alone was not enough, recovery is a personal process and journey - I think that any program that is worth its salt will take that into account. Good luck to you Saph, I know it's a confusing field to get through initially, the bickering back and forth that happens occasionally doesn't help, but if you are truly open to recovery you will find your way through.

Rusty Zipper

whats the name of this site?

"Sober Recovery"

not just A.A. Recovery, N.A. Recovery, Smart Recovery, DIY Recovery,

A-Hole Recovery, though that may be true, Rational Recovery,

Aunt Tillies Recovery, and the list goes on and on.

the bottom line here,

were all people trying to get better that share a common bond

my three cents

wheresthefun

AA is not for me, yet I just recommended it to someone, as I think it would absolutely be best for them, at this very moment.

Live and let live, everyone, life is tough enough.

Threshold

One of the things that is often said in NA (lol) is "Principles over personalities". Apply the principles and plan that leads to recovery. Don't let the personality of another person, a particular group, a loud mouth at a meeting or on a forum distract you from your own recovery process. try to put the personality aside and hear the message of recovery. In NA I also often hear "take what works and leave the rest".

There are many things on these forums that I don't identify with, not because they are not worthwhile, or inappropriate, sometimes they simply don't apply to me or my situation. There are many things here I can use. I gravitate toward those threads, or towards certain people who's experience and "voice" are especially useful for me. I have found some discussions I just have to avoid.

HALT, don't let yourself get to hungry, ANGRY, lonely or tired...if I feel like a thread is really leading me to anger, I step back, look at my reaction and try to figure out why I am so angry, and decide whether or not it's productive for me to engage myself in that discussion right now or not.

I think it's really good that you came here and posted your feelings and concerns, that is a great way to get feedback and take a look at what hot buttons of your own are getting pressed. It also invites the rest of us to explore our feelings on the issue.

EmeraldRose

One thing that personally aggravates me more than arguing and bickering over recovery is personal attacks via PM. I have had two people send me a private message. Neither one of them are ever on this site -maybe except to read and I found it intimidating almost a 'threatening' feeling.
People have different opinions -its simple as that. Agreeing to dissagree is part of the public forums. Nothing is written in stone and everything is subject to arguement and dissagreement.
I've learned through life and my recovery that there is nothing worth the negative energy of arguing. I do not need to have someone initiate my thoughts or ideas. Part of recovery is learning the true you...and what I believe today may NOT be what I believe tomorrow because learning is changing.
You like vanilla, I like chocolate...You like AA better, I prefer smart....SO WHAT?

JellyBabyBoo

Thank you so much Saphira for having the guts to post this. I just recently joined about a week ago. I posted in my blog a plan I thought might work for me. I was basically told (in as nice a way as possible - I am not trying to bash anyone who responded to me, each member was generally very kind) that it was a bunch of bull and would never work. Well, needless to say I felt like an idiot, like I didn't belong on the SR board and was ready to just chunk it and not return. I even started a blog entry today but didn't publish it because I was afraid of what might be posted in return. I think everyone is different and every road to recovery or a better state of being is personal and unique. Everyone has an individual path.

I just wanted to thank you for posting this... I was literally ready to log off and not return here until I read it.

Thank you as well to everyone who responded to the post and for their encouragement to find what works for you, whatever that may be.