My Introduction- I'm an alcoholic etc
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 4
My Introduction- I'm an alcoholic etc
Hi.
I am a 37 year old male, I've had trouble with drinking for many years, and for many years I have been battling the drink, which is probably my number #1 demon.
I improved for a couple of years but the last several months was slipping back heavily into drinking.
I just went 8 days without drinking, then had a relapse last night. I had a horrific type hangover today, felt horribly ill, and very depressed, unable to cope.
I am determined to stop doing it. I HATE ALCOHOL. I am a binge type drinker. I drink very fast, and once I have a couple in my system nothing stops me.
I am quite appalling when I am drunk, I become more out of control than most alcoholics perhaps. I always wake up the next day with those awful realizations of the horrible things I have done the night before, what I can remember anyway.
I become really irrational, manipulative and dramatic when I am drunk. I ALWAYS forget how bad it is, and I convince myself it will be okay, that I will just have a couple of drinks. I fall for this over and over.
I have mental health type problems as well, so when I am sober I find that I am stuck with my problems 24/7 with no escape.
i have been diagnosed with depression and borderline personality disorder. I am also a fairly anxious, uptight sort of person. I don't cope well with pressure at all, though I do have some positives, I believe I am very caring towards others, and very supportive of the people I love. Luckily I am not alone, and a lot of people value me. Although I am single, as in not in a relationship, being obese (I weigh 125KG), I am not very appealing sexually.
I am very impulsive, which makes it hard to stop drinking. As you all would know you can be strong 99 out of a 100 times, and it only takes one brief moment of weakness to relapse. This is often when I feel depressed, or unable to cope.
I don't currently work, this is something I eventually want to remedy, but the truth is, I am currently too unstable to hold down a job, and most likely the pressure of working would make me want to drink more.
Well I am really determined to stop. I don't want any more relapses. I don't want to let the people I love down any more. I don't want to wake up with that horrid hangover feelings, which is something I hate more than anything in the whole world.
So I thought I would come here and talk, to try and maintain my focus, to remind myself of all the bad things about drinking. It is never worth it, and I must stop lying to myself that I will only have a few drinks.
Nice to meet everyone.
Michael
I am a 37 year old male, I've had trouble with drinking for many years, and for many years I have been battling the drink, which is probably my number #1 demon.
I improved for a couple of years but the last several months was slipping back heavily into drinking.
I just went 8 days without drinking, then had a relapse last night. I had a horrific type hangover today, felt horribly ill, and very depressed, unable to cope.
I am determined to stop doing it. I HATE ALCOHOL. I am a binge type drinker. I drink very fast, and once I have a couple in my system nothing stops me.
I am quite appalling when I am drunk, I become more out of control than most alcoholics perhaps. I always wake up the next day with those awful realizations of the horrible things I have done the night before, what I can remember anyway.
I become really irrational, manipulative and dramatic when I am drunk. I ALWAYS forget how bad it is, and I convince myself it will be okay, that I will just have a couple of drinks. I fall for this over and over.
I have mental health type problems as well, so when I am sober I find that I am stuck with my problems 24/7 with no escape.
i have been diagnosed with depression and borderline personality disorder. I am also a fairly anxious, uptight sort of person. I don't cope well with pressure at all, though I do have some positives, I believe I am very caring towards others, and very supportive of the people I love. Luckily I am not alone, and a lot of people value me. Although I am single, as in not in a relationship, being obese (I weigh 125KG), I am not very appealing sexually.
I am very impulsive, which makes it hard to stop drinking. As you all would know you can be strong 99 out of a 100 times, and it only takes one brief moment of weakness to relapse. This is often when I feel depressed, or unable to cope.
I don't currently work, this is something I eventually want to remedy, but the truth is, I am currently too unstable to hold down a job, and most likely the pressure of working would make me want to drink more.
Well I am really determined to stop. I don't want any more relapses. I don't want to let the people I love down any more. I don't want to wake up with that horrid hangover feelings, which is something I hate more than anything in the whole world.
So I thought I would come here and talk, to try and maintain my focus, to remind myself of all the bad things about drinking. It is never worth it, and I must stop lying to myself that I will only have a few drinks.
Nice to meet everyone.
Michael
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Central WI
Posts: 8
Welcome Michael. Your post sounds like a textbook first step. Keep coming back to the forums and remember to pray. I would also strongly suggest hitting a live AA meeting. You sound exactly like I did 3 months ago.
-The will of God will never lead you where the grace of God cannot protect you.
-The will of God will never lead you where the grace of God cannot protect you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 4
Thank you for your welcome. I am definitely going to ring AA tomorrow, I am going to do everything in my power to beat this. I HAVE HAD IT WITH DRINKING. I REALLY WANT IT GONE FROM MY LIFE FOREVER.
Thanks again.
Thanks again.
WELCOME
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Welcome Michael, pelase keep reading and posting, SR has been a life saver for me....and you may find a lot of like-minded people here...we all want the same thing, a happy sober life and you can read about the various stages we are in.
also, reading about others will take you out of your own head for a bit....there are many different forums, including health, mental health, and my own personal favorites of gratitude and whining (a light thread).
take care.
also, reading about others will take you out of your own head for a bit....there are many different forums, including health, mental health, and my own personal favorites of gratitude and whining (a light thread).
take care.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Malaysia
Posts: 88
Welcome Michael!
Just keep going and going and tell the demon to bugger off from your life! You can do it, we all can! And remember SR is a great place to be to find comfort, strength, and willpower!
Wishing you all the best and do keep us posted!
Just keep going and going and tell the demon to bugger off from your life! You can do it, we all can! And remember SR is a great place to be to find comfort, strength, and willpower!
Wishing you all the best and do keep us posted!
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Step one is absolute humility and asking for help with willingness to go to any lengths to obtain sobriety. Absolute powerlessness over alcohol. Everyone has experience as shown through a drunkalog. This disease is progressive and deadly. The only prison I've been in is in my head.
I wish you well, Michael! Welcome to a supportive Group Of Drunks!
I wish you well, Michael! Welcome to a supportive Group Of Drunks!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,635
Welcome! I can totally identify with everything you said.
Tomorrow is 60 days for me. I am in AA and I use meetings and am working the steps with a sponsor. There is a sticky somewhere on this forum that lists all of the many methods of support/recovery that are available though.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Those awful feelings of shame and remorse are actually becoming powerful tools to keep me sober. I think about stuff I did and how I felt if I get a notion to drink. Nothing good ever occurred when I drank. It never made me feel better, helped me solve problems, etc.
The hardest part is staying stopped and I suggest finding a program of recovery that suits you. Sounds like you are dual-diagnosis- I am too. I see a therapist also.
Good luck and keep posting!
Tomorrow is 60 days for me. I am in AA and I use meetings and am working the steps with a sponsor. There is a sticky somewhere on this forum that lists all of the many methods of support/recovery that are available though.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Those awful feelings of shame and remorse are actually becoming powerful tools to keep me sober. I think about stuff I did and how I felt if I get a notion to drink. Nothing good ever occurred when I drank. It never made me feel better, helped me solve problems, etc.
The hardest part is staying stopped and I suggest finding a program of recovery that suits you. Sounds like you are dual-diagnosis- I am too. I see a therapist also.
Good luck and keep posting!
Professional Drunk
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 465
Hi Michael,
I was in your shoes for a very long time before I got help. I went to an in-patient rehab for 35 days. Ive been sober for 5 months now. The program was fantastic. The best part was being with other alcoholics and going thru it all together. I havent even come close to picking up a drink since. I suggest you seriously consider in-patient rehab. I tried on my own and failed far too many times. Best of luck.
I was in your shoes for a very long time before I got help. I went to an in-patient rehab for 35 days. Ive been sober for 5 months now. The program was fantastic. The best part was being with other alcoholics and going thru it all together. I havent even come close to picking up a drink since. I suggest you seriously consider in-patient rehab. I tried on my own and failed far too many times. Best of luck.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Welcome to the fold, Michael! Hope you keep coming backs here. It's a great place for inspiration, advice and support. Since you have underlying mental issues (same here, my friend) can you get with a therapist or in a program? I was in an intensive outpatient program and loved it. They really work on coping skills, understanding your addiction and getting you with a doctor who can help determine if you need medication for your mental health and what. Without addressing the underlying issues, you may continue to self medicate with alcohol. Good luck and please come here any time you need it. Heck, even just to check in and say hi!
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,846
Originally Posted by ObeseGuy 
I HAVE HAD IT WITH DRINKING. I REALLY WANT IT GONE FROM MY LIFE FOREVER.
If you really want it, you can have it. We can and DO recover.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 604
Welcome Michael! It's great you've found SR-it will be a beacon of sanity while you're sorting out all your feelings and trying to quit. I'm reading over and over again here that once the drinking stops all kinds of good habits kick back in like more exercising,eating better, and getting help for other issues. You don't have to do it all at once, but stopping drinking may jump start the healing process in all areas of your life. I struggle with weight too, but the no drinking is first priority for now. Good luck!
MIND OF DESTRUCTIVE TASTE
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 744
Welcome Michael to SR - What a wonderful, supportive community you have found 
Lots of encouragement, hope and strength in these forums. Congrats on the decision to get your life back. Just know that you can do this and are worth it. It's not gonna come easy but nothing worthwhile is. I hope to see you around
-Jess
Lots of encouragement, hope and strength in these forums. Congrats on the decision to get your life back. Just know that you can do this and are worth it. It's not gonna come easy but nothing worthwhile is. I hope to see you around -Jess
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