ObeseGuy

Hi.

I am a 37 year old male, I've had trouble with drinking for many years, and for many years I have been battling the drink, which is probably my number #1 demon.

I improved for a couple of years but the last several months was slipping back heavily into drinking.

I just went 8 days without drinking, then had a relapse last night. I had a horrific type hangover today, felt horribly ill, and very depressed, unable to cope.

I am determined to stop doing it. I HATE ALCOHOL. I am a binge type drinker. I drink very fast, and once I have a couple in my system nothing stops me.

I am quite appalling when I am drunk, I become more out of control than most alcoholics perhaps. I always wake up the next day with those awful realizations of the horrible things I have done the night before, what I can remember anyway.

I become really irrational, manipulative and dramatic when I am drunk. I ALWAYS forget how bad it is, and I convince myself it will be okay, that I will just have a couple of drinks. I fall for this over and over.

I have mental health type problems as well, so when I am sober I find that I am stuck with my problems 24/7 with no escape.

i have been diagnosed with depression and borderline personality disorder. I am also a fairly anxious, uptight sort of person. I don't cope well with pressure at all, though I do have some positives, I believe I am very caring towards others, and very supportive of the people I love. Luckily I am not alone, and a lot of people value me. Although I am single, as in not in a relationship, being obese (I weigh 125KG), I am not very appealing sexually.

I am very impulsive, which makes it hard to stop drinking. As you all would know you can be strong 99 out of a 100 times, and it only takes one brief moment of weakness to relapse. This is often when I feel depressed, or unable to cope.

I don't currently work, this is something I eventually want to remedy, but the truth is, I am currently too unstable to hold down a job, and most likely the pressure of working would make me want to drink more.

Well I am really determined to stop. I don't want any more relapses. I don't want to let the people I love down any more. I don't want to wake up with that horrid hangover feelings, which is something I hate more than anything in the whole world.

So I thought I would come here and talk, to try and maintain my focus, to remind myself of all the bad things about drinking. It is never worth it, and I must stop lying to myself that I will only have a few drinks.

Nice to meet everyone.

Michael