here74

Hi,
I've finally admitted I'm sick of being sick.
I never really had a problem until I went to grad school a few years ago and developed a need. Some days are worse then others. I work a full time job and think I had myself convinced for a little while that since I got up early every day that there wasn't a problem...despite how I felt.

Here's the thing. I haven't gone cold turkey. A couple weeks ago I started cutting back and avoiding the situations where I'd go out and drink and then...come home and drink more. I keep cutting back a little more every couple days.

So far, I've been okay despite the anxiety of wanting more. Over the past few days I've felt great physically. Much better than the past year.

I would like to here what others think of the route I'm taking. I guess my reasoning is that I've felt the withdrawal before after a 3 day binge and it terrifies me... Also, I'm trying to wrap my head around all of this. This morning, I woke up very early and could fall back asleep despite being very tired. There have times where I might have gotten up and gone to get some wine and force myself back to sleep with it, instead I thought "what would a normal person do?" Yeah, haha, I actually said that in my head.

anyway, any and all advice/thoughts are welcome.

ACT10Npack

Going to see a doctor about quitting is something you should think about if you are a long time alcohol abuser. From what you wrote and why you started to drink, you may suffer from anxiety/depress disorder and using alcohol to self-med yourself is not a good idea.

Go talk to a doctor about this and he/she will help you with what you need about your problem.

Jeff63

First of all, you are a normal person! Unfortunately with a predisposition to the alcohol enzyme, like me.

A smart person realizes that they don't want to wake up every morning feeling that way the rest of their lives. A compassionate person would realize that they cannot put their family and friends through the ensuing mess that has or will happen. An empathetic person would read about the pain of others and reach out to them on these boards. A narcissistic person would turn all of the threads towards them.

And an alcoholic person will become everyone listed above at different times.

MycoolFitz

Welcome. Glad you're working on your sobriety. I know tapering never worked out for me because I could never quite taper out in the end plus I became obsessed with how nuch I was drinking--was it enough was it too much, will I still suffer when I'm done with the tapering. Anyway somewhere along the path I usually lost control and was back at square one. After that I figured it was better to take the plunge than to try wading through the shallow end. Whatever you do, the best to you. If you experience any real problems look to professional help. Thanks for your post and keep us informed of your progress.

here74

Both of you, thanks. On Friday I started looking up doctors...even psychiatrists to go to to sort this all out.

here74

Thanks for that Mycool

Dee74

Hi Here74

Tapering never worked for me. Not being able to control my alcohol intake was the whole crux of my problem.

I recommend anyone who wants to quit, and especially anyone scared to quit, see a Dr first

You'll find a lot of support here - and a few ideas too. This place has helped me change my life. I hope we can do the same for you too

Welcome to SR!

D

here74

Thanks Dee74. I've actually never tried tapering off before...in fact, I've never tried anything other than when I've had unrelated medical issues that prevented me from alcohol or feeling too crappy to go and get any booze. I think Act10 kind of hit the nail on the head. I know exactly when I started to rely on the stuff and I think I need to deal with that. You're both right...I just have to step up and find the courage to see someone about it. I've thought about it before and just felt shame and weak and didn't want to admit anything even to myself. But I'm at the point where I just want to have a normal day.
Thanks for the welcome.

sugarbear1

Staying stopped was my problem!

I am happy to hear your are seeking medical advice.

My sponsor said I had to change 1 thing: everything!

25+ years showed me most alkies are highly intelligent, but getting sober doesn't require intelligence, it gets in the way.

Zebra1275

Welcome, as other's have said, getting medical advice is important.

So do you have a plan to stop drinking? Many of us have found that quitting drinking is only the first part of recovery.

NoFireWater

The old saying...I don't have a problem drinking, I have a problem stopping lol Sugarbear says it all...

I actually really like what you said about "what would a normal person do?". I think that might be a very helpful tool to ask yourself while convincing yourself not to take that drink. I know I rarely feel normal when it comes to drinking, unless I'm around my friends who drink just as much. Surely it's not normal to wake up feeling sick as a dog 3 or 4 times a week, wondering if you said something stupid, kicking yourself for spending cash you don't have,etc. Good luck with the doctor's visit-it probably won't be as scary as you might think. I would think tapering off is a start, better than full blown drinking, but I think you'll feel better with no booze at all.

here74

Thanks for your posts.

sugarbear-Thanks. That's definitely been my problem. Also thinking I need it to fall asleep...nice excuse, eh?

zebra- I'm taking it day by day. Trying to stay as busy as possible. So far so good. I've been looking up doctors to speak to and think I found someone that hopefully I can see in the next week or so that might help me sort through some of the baggage that led me here.

NoFireWater-Thanks for that. I know you're right about no booze at all. For me it's become such a crutch that when I finally decided I had a problem I figured I might take it slow rather then set myself up for failure. I may believe differently after I speak to this doctor.

thanks for the encouragement! I really appreciate it!!

recoverywfaith

Welcome to SR.

H3art

Hey here!
I also started having a real alcohol problem when I started grad school. It's tough being a student, esp with the economy in shambles and people expecting so much from you.

I realized that I needed some real help last year and have fallen off the wagon a few times, but this is it for me!

Good luck at the Dr's!

jen7916

Welcome

Best of luck to you on your journey. Glad you're here

nandm

Welcome to SR

sugarbear1

Alcohol interrupts normal sleep. It makes restful sleep worse. That's why we have sleep problems in early sobriety. Alcohol changes all of our functioning. Also why normal people get a headache on 1 or 2 drinks. It's normal alcohol withdrawal. Alkies have a true allergy. Some enzyme does not work Like norrmal.

Best wishes.

Just read Bill's Story, chapter 1 in big book. Even Bill W had a hard time with the concept of a Higher Power and he overcame much in his early years ( mom depressed, mom abandoned him, parents divorced, grew up w/grandparents, grandpa kinda meanish, alcohilic relatives, grew tall early & didn't feel like he fit in, bad sports player, but he was persistent, creative, hard headed, intelligent, succeedex after much practice-whatever he did) pass it on is the story of his life.

here74

Thanks to everyone.

H3art- It was tough. But it's time for me to move on, you know...

sugarbear1- The sleep problems I'm referring to started before my drinking problem. Thanks for the reading tip. I'll give it a look I am however an atheist if that's the higher power you're referring to.

Anyway....I started jogging which is weird for me...