Need to communicate my boundary to AW
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 54
Need to communicate my boundary to AW
First off, I over-analyze things, so please bear with me 
Long story short, my wife has had various medical and psychological problems over the years and has been prescribed numerous drugs. Many/All of them have potential for addiction. In the last 2-3 years, abuse of them and other things (alcohol, stolen medicine) has been apparent.
In the last 6 months, these things and divorce have come up multiple times. She partially blames me for not giving her enough attention. I've been trying to be more attentive and she's been trying to be more open with me. But throughout everything, she has never admitted to having a problem with drugs. And even today, she is being deceptive with me; hiding medicines, giving me explanations for questions I haven't yet asked, etc.
So, I need to make a big change with this situation. I am complacent. I also cannot "fix" my problems with her because at this point I do not trust her at all.
I want to tell her: I do not trust you. I see these problems happening, and I will not live with this anymore. I will not continue in this relationship unless you seek help.
Am I on the right track? I'm just looking to avoid chaos. Maybe thinking if I say the right thing there will be a happy ending (even though I know it won't happen).
Thanks in advance; you all always have great advice.
...Tyler
Long story short, my wife has had various medical and psychological problems over the years and has been prescribed numerous drugs. Many/All of them have potential for addiction. In the last 2-3 years, abuse of them and other things (alcohol, stolen medicine) has been apparent.
In the last 6 months, these things and divorce have come up multiple times. She partially blames me for not giving her enough attention. I've been trying to be more attentive and she's been trying to be more open with me. But throughout everything, she has never admitted to having a problem with drugs. And even today, she is being deceptive with me; hiding medicines, giving me explanations for questions I haven't yet asked, etc.
So, I need to make a big change with this situation. I am complacent. I also cannot "fix" my problems with her because at this point I do not trust her at all.
I want to tell her: I do not trust you. I see these problems happening, and I will not live with this anymore. I will not continue in this relationship unless you seek help.
Am I on the right track? I'm just looking to avoid chaos. Maybe thinking if I say the right thing there will be a happy ending (even though I know it won't happen).
Thanks in advance; you all always have great advice.
...Tyler
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Hi Tyler and I'm so sorry you are going through this with your AW.
Boundaries should be an "I" statement, such as I will not live with someone who is actively using and who I cannot trust."
That being said, what is the consequence if she continues? Are you willing to go elsewhere or make her go elsewhere?
Boundaries are an excellent start, but you have to be able to follow through on them consistently or they are worthless.
I always appreciate reading these postings because it reminds me of the damage I did while in active addiction, and helps my journey in recovery.
Sending you supportive hugs from Kansas!
Boundaries should be an "I" statement, such as I will not live with someone who is actively using and who I cannot trust."
That being said, what is the consequence if she continues? Are you willing to go elsewhere or make her go elsewhere?
Boundaries are an excellent start, but you have to be able to follow through on them consistently or they are worthless.
I always appreciate reading these postings because it reminds me of the damage I did while in active addiction, and helps my journey in recovery.
Sending you supportive hugs from Kansas!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 54
Thanks for the reply. I mostly just need to vent. Usually my "tough conversations" don't go well, and it can be easy for me to let it get off topic or otherwise out of control.
The other issue I have, which you mentioned, is sticking to the boundary. I've been in 6 months of limbo with her, so need to get this conversation going and then stick to it. Not take "no" or any other excuses for an answer.
The other issue I have, which you mentioned, is sticking to the boundary. I've been in 6 months of limbo with her, so need to get this conversation going and then stick to it. Not take "no" or any other excuses for an answer.
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