Surprisingly new to me
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1
Surprisingly new to me
I come from a family of alcoholics, both in recovery & still using. I, myself, have been sober for just over 11 years. I have to note that somehow, someway, through my faith in God, I did it without any sort of program (I had a life changing experience that was the catalyst). Needless to say, I am no stranger to addiction & recovery. But my current situation is totally new to me.
I recently started dating someone that I knew back in high school. We lost touch after graduation but thanks to Facebook, we reconnected. During our first "date", we discussed where we both were in our sobriety. His one year will coincidentally fall on my birthday, this fall. A lot was discussed as far as what his main focus is, which is his sobriety. How I shouldn't take it personally if he comes off as standoffish at times. Time was spent discussing all the different topics either of us could think of. The first 2 weeks, we spent nearly every day together. Then he decided that that wasn't a good idea. Which I am totally ok with. As I told him in our very first long talk, regardless of where he & I go, his sobriety will always come first.
I won't go into detail as to how amazing tings are when we're together. I'll just say that the level of comfort, contentment & happiness is almost Zen-like.
Now comes the dilema. Although he is dedicated to the program, attends more than the required amount of meetings weekly (he lives in a sober house), I become concerned with how to handle this relationship. We see each other just a 3 or 4 times a week, a few hours each time. I want to give him his space, as well as the time to work the program. I also don't want to come across as someone that doesn't care if I keep contact to a minimum. Then again, I don't want to seem pushy or overbearing by doing it too much.
If, God willing, he is successful in his recovery, this has the potential to be something absolutely wonderful. I want to make sure I'm doing whatever I can in the right manner when it comes to his sobriety & our relationship.
Can anyone please offer any advise?
I recently started dating someone that I knew back in high school. We lost touch after graduation but thanks to Facebook, we reconnected. During our first "date", we discussed where we both were in our sobriety. His one year will coincidentally fall on my birthday, this fall. A lot was discussed as far as what his main focus is, which is his sobriety. How I shouldn't take it personally if he comes off as standoffish at times. Time was spent discussing all the different topics either of us could think of. The first 2 weeks, we spent nearly every day together. Then he decided that that wasn't a good idea. Which I am totally ok with. As I told him in our very first long talk, regardless of where he & I go, his sobriety will always come first.
I won't go into detail as to how amazing tings are when we're together. I'll just say that the level of comfort, contentment & happiness is almost Zen-like.
Now comes the dilema. Although he is dedicated to the program, attends more than the required amount of meetings weekly (he lives in a sober house), I become concerned with how to handle this relationship. We see each other just a 3 or 4 times a week, a few hours each time. I want to give him his space, as well as the time to work the program. I also don't want to come across as someone that doesn't care if I keep contact to a minimum. Then again, I don't want to seem pushy or overbearing by doing it too much.
If, God willing, he is successful in his recovery, this has the potential to be something absolutely wonderful. I want to make sure I'm doing whatever I can in the right manner when it comes to his sobriety & our relationship.
Can anyone please offer any advise?
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
If it were me, I would back off at least until he is out of the sober living house. It isn't really a normal living situation (though I'm sure it's the very best place for him to be right now). If you guys really are that simpatico, there will be time to re-connect once he's in a more stable situation. Not everyone, as you know, can have that cataclysmic experience you apparently had. Most people have to muddle along for awhile and get our sea legs back before we are ready to get involved with other people (I'm almost three years sober, myself).
Just my thoughts.
Just my thoughts.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Potential is the operative word. He will not have any chance at potential unless he continues to work his recovery program.
I would let him get through sober house, and, his first year of soberity, before I got too involved.
If it is mean't to be, it will happen.
I would let him get through sober house, and, his first year of soberity, before I got too involved.
If it is mean't to be, it will happen.
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