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Almost 7 months later & I still get my butt kicked!!

Old 06-25-2011, 09:56 PM
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Almost 7 months later & I still get my butt kicked!!

Well Hey, Im back and checking in with all of my SR friends...

Woke up today & just about cried..Dark circles & bags under my eyes.
guess stress is creeping up on me, more than I thought...

So I went to purchase facial/eye creams. Hoping for that 5 minute miralce cure, ya know...lol
The sales lady gave me 5 different products to choose from and the full story of why I should purchase them I told her, "I dont mean to be rude, but I cant make a choice today, just put one in my bag and tell me what I owe"...

She got teary eyed and looked at me, and said "I have walked in your shoes before"

By the time it was over, she expressed to me, she was a survivor
too, and ensured me that I will have days like this. So to say the least,
I ended up with 3 products..OMG..I better look better tomorrow morning!

The past month has been a real mental challenge and it has really
kicked my butt more than I thought it would have. I have stood
fast, held my ground, but today was like quick sand....it took me under

Guess, it all kind of started yesterday, when I had to call the XAH brother
to get an address to send a payment to. It is a payment that the XAH
is required to pay thru the divorce. I opened it like I always have without
thinking, it was to be sent to him. When I opened it up, there was new
charges of $2100 in one month...All to the drug store, where they sell
the lovely thing called "whiskey"

I asked his brother how he was doing. He said, well better the past
couple of weeks, atleast he is not staggering and falling down as much
He said, he told his brother, if he did not stop drinking like that, he was going to buy him a plane ticket, so he can go live with his mom and dad...

His brother told me, "Well, you know, getting sober doesnt happen over night,
it takes sometime and it takes a couple of relapse"
I think I could have vomited!!

$10 grand of rehab, 6 months of non-stop drinking & YOU CALL IT RELAPSE??
wth??

At 50 years old....I find it so so sad...

Whiskey vs Family..(damn it!!!!)

The past 2 days, this crap has kicked my butt....
Emotionally & Mentally....

So, at 7 months, Im still battling the battle. Somedays are
better than others....

Until next time!
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Old 06-25-2011, 11:03 PM
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Hi BobbyJ ((((hugs))))

I wasn't planning on posting tonight. I just got home from baby sitting the grand kids and had a wonderful day. Your post touched me an I felt I had to say something.

By the time it was over, she expressed to me, she was a survivor
This line really hit me. I am a survivor, I didn't go belly up and quit and I have kept fighting the good fight.

So have you! No one ever said it would be easy but you have done it. You have survived. So in spite of the tears and bags and everything.....

Keep on keeping on!

We are all here to help.



Your friend and fellow survivor,
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Old 06-25-2011, 11:09 PM
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how great to have that reinforcement! from the survivor behind the counter!

re: whiskey vs family...sanity would restore the proper choice to your XAH, but the insanity of A has him in its grasp, and I am so, so sorry.

You are in no way responsible for the bill, from the sounds of it, so Let it Go (through USPS ) and let God (be there to talk to your XAH whe he opens the bill)
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Old 06-26-2011, 04:37 AM
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:ghug3

The depth of grief in this disease can be very profound, and lengthy, in my experience. Don't underestimate this, and then punish yourself for what you are experiencing, because it's "not what you expected."

What a wonderful thing that cosmetics woman had a touch of compassion for you, in the middle of a mall!

You know what? IMHO, it's pretty normal to have days in grief where you are a hair from not functioning, where you are a hair from utter despair, where you just. want. to. escape.

But I also learned that if I can make it THROUGH that moment (and usually those moments required some sort of support, whether reaching out to a person, reading something, meditating, doing a special thing for myself, etc.), I can make it to the other side, in time. Might not be as fast as I want, but I will get to the other side.

Sending hugs and encouragement,

CLMI
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Old 06-26-2011, 08:34 AM
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I love those random encounters. They tell me that my HP is looking out for me and providing strength to get through it.
Isn't it amazing how the pain just comes up so easily and quickly, triggered by the most unexpected things? I'm having one of those weekends myself. Allowing myself time to cry and feel sad for the loss and knowing that it is out of my hands and that I did all I could do.
Let us know which potion works best. I'm sure there are many who could use that magic cream.
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Old 06-26-2011, 08:49 AM
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What a day for you. Well, now since that's over, you can carry on in better-than-survivor mode. I gotta tell ya, Sister, with my eyes glopped with as much eye cream as a face can handle: I'm not only a survivor, most days, I'm a VICTOR, and I've thought of you that way, too. Seriously, we are the champions of our very lives, and the smiles we contain within our souls are anxious to get out and see the world.

I plan to smile for no apparent reason today and see if I freak a few folks out.
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Old 06-26-2011, 09:29 AM
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Originally Posted by jamaicamecrazy View Post
I love those random encounters. They tell me that my HP is looking out for me and providing strength to get through it.
Me too. Learning to pay more attention and acknowledge them when they happen has been one of the greatest gifts of working a program.

Hang in there, BobbyJ. I've missed your posts around here. Grief sucks.

And LOL at the eye creams...how the hell do we get rid of those dark circles? Is it possible? I've got 'em too...
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Old 06-26-2011, 05:52 PM
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Bobby I love what the sales woman said to you. That's real Girl power. How 2 strangers can relate immediately.

There is nothing like a good eye cream for sure, but I have found an "add to" home treatment. With a cheese shredder or something similar, run a cucumber up and down until you have a small pile of....shredded cucumber. Take a piece of cheese cloth and spoon the shredded cucumber in a line and roll it like a sushi roll and place it over your eyes. You can use it right away or make a roll the night before, place in a baggy and keep in the fridge overnight. It feels w.o.n.der.f.u.l. It reduces bags and refreshes your eyes. One roll will last for 2 days. You must try it. It's very relaxing too.
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