Letting them go.....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,237
Letting them go.....
Hi everyone, normally I post under the alcoholism forum...I have been in recovery now for 17 months!! 
The issue that has come up for me is my friend of 13 years....he has used crack cocaine again...and is very depressed because his family has basically had enough....and he stormed out of my car because I wasn't giving in to him.....I love the guy but I just can't keep doing this with him...he needs to take responsibility for himself...and he just doesn't get that...it's my fault, his families fault you name it...so I've decided to just let him go....I've had no contact with him since last week, but I have to admit it's eating me up....wondering if he's okay....damn it's hard caring for an addict....he's such a great guy, but this drug has such a hold on him.....but I feel I'm at my end of the rope with him...and it makes me sad 
The issue that has come up for me is my friend of 13 years....he has used crack cocaine again...and is very depressed because his family has basically had enough....and he stormed out of my car because I wasn't giving in to him.....I love the guy but I just can't keep doing this with him...he needs to take responsibility for himself...and he just doesn't get that...it's my fault, his families fault you name it...so I've decided to just let him go....I've had no contact with him since last week, but I have to admit it's eating me up....wondering if he's okay....damn it's hard caring for an addict....he's such a great guy, but this drug has such a hold on him.....but I feel I'm at my end of the rope with him...and it makes me sad 
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Congratulations on 17 months! That is so great!
It is tough to be around an active addict. It's a case of not being able to see the forest for the trees.....in a way. They want to blame everything and everyone around them so that they can avoid the real problem. It's what addicts do. They have four tools that they tend to use very effectively. Fear. Guilt. Pity. Shame. If they can get others trapped into those emotions, it must make them feel better in some way. At least, that's what the addict in my life does.
It is ok to feel sad about it. Sometimes we have to do what we have to do for our own recovery......and unfortunately, we can't bring them with us on our path to recovery. They are walking their own path and none of us can predict what that path will bring.
Your friend will be in my prayers today.
gentle hugs
ke
It is tough to be around an active addict. It's a case of not being able to see the forest for the trees.....in a way. They want to blame everything and everyone around them so that they can avoid the real problem. It's what addicts do. They have four tools that they tend to use very effectively. Fear. Guilt. Pity. Shame. If they can get others trapped into those emotions, it must make them feel better in some way. At least, that's what the addict in my life does.
It is ok to feel sad about it. Sometimes we have to do what we have to do for our own recovery......and unfortunately, we can't bring them with us on our path to recovery. They are walking their own path and none of us can predict what that path will bring.
Your friend will be in my prayers today.
gentle hugs
ke
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
17 months is a fantastic achievement, congratulations!!!!Addiction is soooo hard for both the addict and those who love the addict. This is his path to walk, his recovery to reach for, or not. I, too, will keep your friend in my prayers.
There are many on this site who are "double winners" who utilize counseling or a group program for their addiction as well as Al-Anon/Nar-Anon. Perhaps check out a local "Anon" meeting and see what you think.
Hugs, HG
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