Redeeming Love
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Redeeming Love
I recently Read a book entitled Redeeming Love. I read alot of books, from christian to self help. And never have a read one that I felt such a close connection to. Amazing book to say the least. It is loosely based on the biblical figures Hosea and Gomer. If you are unfamiliar with this story it goes something like this:
Hosea is preacher. Not a very respected one. God tells him he needs to be married. Hosea is excited. God gives him the name of his new wife (Gomer). She is the town prostitue. Hosea isnt excited. However, he does as God says and persues her anyhow. They marry and have 3 children. She eventually goes back to her old ways. Gomer turns her back on her family and runs off with MANY men. Hosea struggles. But loves her anyway. He lets her go and Gomer eventually hits rock bottom....
Ha! If I tell you anymore it will ruin the story.
To sum it up.. It really hit home for me. I desperatley want to love the way God loves. He doesnt stop us from making mistakes. He isnt there controlling our every move. He doesnt scream and hollar or make idle threats when things dont go his way. He gives us the gift of free will. And when we make a mistake we pay the consequences. However, when we hit bottom and are ready to follow him he is ALWAYS there. Quietly waiting in the shadows with loving arms and a forgiving heart.
That is my goal. To love my AH the way God loves him. From the sidelines of his life. To be here with open arms when it is his time to change (really change). To not engage in his "bad" behavior but to be quietly waiting for the spirit of God to move in his life. I will know when that happens. But until then, God please give me the stregenth to love the way you do.
Hosea is preacher. Not a very respected one. God tells him he needs to be married. Hosea is excited. God gives him the name of his new wife (Gomer). She is the town prostitue. Hosea isnt excited. However, he does as God says and persues her anyhow. They marry and have 3 children. She eventually goes back to her old ways. Gomer turns her back on her family and runs off with MANY men. Hosea struggles. But loves her anyway. He lets her go and Gomer eventually hits rock bottom....
Ha! If I tell you anymore it will ruin the story.
To sum it up.. It really hit home for me. I desperatley want to love the way God loves. He doesnt stop us from making mistakes. He isnt there controlling our every move. He doesnt scream and hollar or make idle threats when things dont go his way. He gives us the gift of free will. And when we make a mistake we pay the consequences. However, when we hit bottom and are ready to follow him he is ALWAYS there. Quietly waiting in the shadows with loving arms and a forgiving heart.
That is my goal. To love my AH the way God loves him. From the sidelines of his life. To be here with open arms when it is his time to change (really change). To not engage in his "bad" behavior but to be quietly waiting for the spirit of God to move in his life. I will know when that happens. But until then, God please give me the stregenth to love the way you do.
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Angie,
What a great post. Thank you. I have read this book, too, several times. So has my AD. When she was in Teen Challenge I found a copy at Goodwill and bought it to give to her to read again and she ended up passing it around to the other girls/women at the house. A few were very touched as a result - it IS excellent. Thank you for reminding me of the kind of patient, kind, and amazing love God has for us. Very helpful.
What a great post. Thank you. I have read this book, too, several times. So has my AD. When she was in Teen Challenge I found a copy at Goodwill and bought it to give to her to read again and she ended up passing it around to the other girls/women at the house. A few were very touched as a result - it IS excellent. Thank you for reminding me of the kind of patient, kind, and amazing love God has for us. Very helpful.
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What a beautiful post.....evening if you left me hanging.....lol
I will have to pick up this book now.
I loved "The Shack" for a similar reason. I loved the line "I am particularly fond of you". I love that God is particularly fond of each and every one of us, even when we feel that there is little to love about us. There are certainly days when I am not particularly fond of myself and it is reassuring to know that God's love is constant.
I want to love my son that way. Patient, kind and constant. But I still feel like I have days when I am not particularly fond of him. I have to remember that it is the behavior I do not appreciate.....not the person.
Thanks for sharing.
gentle hugs
ke
I will have to pick up this book now.
I loved "The Shack" for a similar reason. I loved the line "I am particularly fond of you". I love that God is particularly fond of each and every one of us, even when we feel that there is little to love about us. There are certainly days when I am not particularly fond of myself and it is reassuring to know that God's love is constant.
I want to love my son that way. Patient, kind and constant. But I still feel like I have days when I am not particularly fond of him. I have to remember that it is the behavior I do not appreciate.....not the person.
Thanks for sharing.
gentle hugs
ke
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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Angie ... I LOVE that book, is one of my all time favorites. Yes, you will know when that happens ... I've always told my kids you can fake being a christian but you cannot fake being a spirit filled christian. When you allow God's love to fully reign in your life it is tangible and others will see and feel it because He is real, and just like you said Always there patiently waiting for surrender
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The thought just occurred to me - what if Gomer didn't leave? What if she had kept on with her destructive, hurtful behavior, all while living under Hosea's roof? What if he didn't have to 'let her go' because, simply, she didn't WANT to go? Would he have kicked her out then?
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He let her go out and hit her rock bottom without enabling her or supporting her bad behavior around her kids. He didn't save her. God did.
Something to remember. We are not God. We cannot save people from themselves. We are not that powerful.
Watching someone's addiction from the sidelines is a good thing. Being intimately involved in it and allowing it to destroy you and your children is not.
Something to remember. We are not God. We cannot save people from themselves. We are not that powerful.
Watching someone's addiction from the sidelines is a good thing. Being intimately involved in it and allowing it to destroy you and your children is not.
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Well put Hope44: The reality in our lives in living with addicts is that they do not leave - at least while there is anything of value in the home for them.
In the story above and in the story of the prodigal son, both the offending parties left. In fact, they could not wait to get out on their own. They went to the far country and stayed there. They did not come back around every once in a while to see if they could scam anybody out of anything. And I find these differences to be HUGE.
I'm not bashing the above book or the story. It shows an aspect of God's love for us, the offending party. I just wish there were a story in the Bible that is more like what we experience with our beloved addicts what with their not wanting to leave, stealing from us, lying about it, stealing again, then being angry because they did not get a birthday gift from us. The one set of verses I did find talked about not having anything to do with liars, cheats, drunkards, etc. but that is about it.
In the story above and in the story of the prodigal son, both the offending parties left. In fact, they could not wait to get out on their own. They went to the far country and stayed there. They did not come back around every once in a while to see if they could scam anybody out of anything. And I find these differences to be HUGE.
I'm not bashing the above book or the story. It shows an aspect of God's love for us, the offending party. I just wish there were a story in the Bible that is more like what we experience with our beloved addicts what with their not wanting to leave, stealing from us, lying about it, stealing again, then being angry because they did not get a birthday gift from us. The one set of verses I did find talked about not having anything to do with liars, cheats, drunkards, etc. but that is about it.
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Hope44: If you think about it, the moment Gomer began her road to destruction she had left. She didnt have to physically leave to already be gone. I believe God would never allow a sinner to continue to sin in his house. He would lovingly ask them to leave. Because sin would not be allowed in the presence of God. There is no room for satan when God fills your home. So, my opinion is yes. Hosea would have asked her to leave. However, I dont believe he would have divorced her. God knew the path Gomer was to take even before they were married. It was his will that they be married. Not so it would end in divorce. Hosea was to marry Gomer so they both could experience God's ultimate love. Unfortunatley, it just took Gomer longer to see it. I think that is the part I struggle with. I see Gods love and strive to love my AH that way. But, sometimes he makes that a difficult task. I havent yet asked my AH to leave and I will never ask for a divorce. I made a committment to God... for better or for worse. I have to trust that he is in control. And no matter what happens it is his will. It is my cross to bear
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Sojourner,
I can so relate to where you're coming from. This can get tricky because there are other verses, spoken by Jesus Himself, that would seemingly direct us to act otherwise, such as turning the other cheek, loving and doing good to those who are hateful, and use us. You know - "And from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either." Sooo - when my daughter steals a check I should offer her the credit card, too? I don't think so! Still, what is God saying and how would it apply to our addicted son or daughter. What is at the heart of the command and how does it fit with the set of verses you mentioned, and ideas of letting go, detaching, etc.? My best answer, today, is we need to seek wisdom in each of our situations and listen daily for the Spirit's voice.
At the end of the verses I mentioned it talks about how God is kind to the unthankful and evil and we should be like Him, kind and merciful, hoping for nothing in return. This is extremely challenging especially when it comes to our addicted loved ones. When we are being used and manipulated, and we see little hope for change. But - God calls us to trust and obey...
This is something I am currently muddling through...
I can so relate to where you're coming from. This can get tricky because there are other verses, spoken by Jesus Himself, that would seemingly direct us to act otherwise, such as turning the other cheek, loving and doing good to those who are hateful, and use us. You know - "And from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either." Sooo - when my daughter steals a check I should offer her the credit card, too? I don't think so! Still, what is God saying and how would it apply to our addicted son or daughter. What is at the heart of the command and how does it fit with the set of verses you mentioned, and ideas of letting go, detaching, etc.? My best answer, today, is we need to seek wisdom in each of our situations and listen daily for the Spirit's voice.
At the end of the verses I mentioned it talks about how God is kind to the unthankful and evil and we should be like Him, kind and merciful, hoping for nothing in return. This is extremely challenging especially when it comes to our addicted loved ones. When we are being used and manipulated, and we see little hope for change. But - God calls us to trust and obey...
This is something I am currently muddling through...
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Angie, you make an excellent point about there being no room for satan. That was the final straw for us, when it came to telling our daughter she had to leave. She would tell you herself that, while deep in her addiction, God was no longer real to her, but satan was.
Whatever addiction is or isn't, it opens up the door to evil, destructive, unseen forces. This evil was clearly being brought into our otherwise peaceful, God-fearing home. We have seen its influence, its evil intent, and battled against it - a battle WON ONLY because of the power of God. Thanks for reminding me of this today, because sometimes I just want to just scoop her up and bring her home. Not that I am going to... just wishing the old ways of showing love could save her.
Whatever addiction is or isn't, it opens up the door to evil, destructive, unseen forces. This evil was clearly being brought into our otherwise peaceful, God-fearing home. We have seen its influence, its evil intent, and battled against it - a battle WON ONLY because of the power of God. Thanks for reminding me of this today, because sometimes I just want to just scoop her up and bring her home. Not that I am going to... just wishing the old ways of showing love could save her.
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Angie4 and Hope44: Understanding God's wisdom in all this is very tricky. When i was married to an active addict, the house was in foreclosure (because of the addict's behavior). IN order to save the house I would have to ask the addict husband to leave so I could go on welfare. I would have had to move to ? with two babies in tow if I lost the house. At that time, I was concerned that I was outside of God's will in that I was even questioning separating from the husband in order to save the house. What kind of vow did I take anyway? Wasn't it for better or worse? Maybe losing the house would wake the addict husband up and he would go get help. I wanted to follow God's will, but God was incredibly silent.
I asked the husband to leave. He refused. So I had to move to the domestic shelter (he was violent) with 2 babies in tow. I had to borrow money from my mother in order to hire a lawyer so we could get before a judge who told the husband he had 24 hours to vacate the premises. But in the time he was in the house by himself, it was great for him because he could get high to his heart's content without me there to squelch his plans. So like I said, addicts don't leave just because you ask them to. His mind might have been in the far country, but he was physically in the house robbing me blind, not bringing home any paychecks, wearing a brand-new leather jacket that he had bought, getting more and more violent, and me with two babies - one who needed an antibiotic that the husband refused to give me money to buy ("that's your problem, not mine" he said.)
Angie4: Be careful of making those "I will never" statements. Your husband's addiction will progress to places you never thought possible unless it is arrested.
God is good. The story of Hosea and Gomer is a story of God to human - not human to human.
I asked the husband to leave. He refused. So I had to move to the domestic shelter (he was violent) with 2 babies in tow. I had to borrow money from my mother in order to hire a lawyer so we could get before a judge who told the husband he had 24 hours to vacate the premises. But in the time he was in the house by himself, it was great for him because he could get high to his heart's content without me there to squelch his plans. So like I said, addicts don't leave just because you ask them to. His mind might have been in the far country, but he was physically in the house robbing me blind, not bringing home any paychecks, wearing a brand-new leather jacket that he had bought, getting more and more violent, and me with two babies - one who needed an antibiotic that the husband refused to give me money to buy ("that's your problem, not mine" he said.)
Angie4: Be careful of making those "I will never" statements. Your husband's addiction will progress to places you never thought possible unless it is arrested.
God is good. The story of Hosea and Gomer is a story of God to human - not human to human.
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sojourner:
Understanding God's wisdom is certinally tricky. Sometimes I think it is not for us to understand. I think if the answers were always clear we would have no reason to be faithful. Sometimes we go through problems that are incredibly difficult (like what we are all going through) these problems may push us to the very brink. I believe God allows that with a purpose. If all of our problems were quickly solved we would have no reason to believe God intervened. It is always clear to me that God has stepped in when I feel I can take no more and something amazing happens to pull me through. That is the spirit of God. That is when I know I am not alone and he is with me. Sometimes I try to control every situation in my life. And like with all codependents it just spins out of control the more I try. It is when I surrender and lay it at the feet of God that he takes over and eases my suffering. God's silence is a gift. Just like with our addicts, he wants us to truely surrender. Let it ALL go. Give it to him. Then he will show us the miracles he has planned for us. And at the end of it we can thank him instead of ourself for the outcome.
I defiently do not think that anyone of us should stay in a relationship with someone who is harming us (mentally or physically). And I certinally dont believe God would want us to. I am far from opposed to leaving my AH. I have seen where his addiction can go and have no intentions of allowing him to bring me there again. It is a deep dark place that neither my kids nor I will ever follow him to again. If he chooses to go down that path he will go alone. He will have no home and no support from me. However, just because he chooses the wrong road doesnt mean we stop loving him. His family will still exsist. Living life without him.
The story of Hosea and Gomer is a story of Gods love to humans (actually Israel ~ but thats another story). However, God expected Hosea to love Gomer the way God loved Hosea. God didnt say I love you this much but you can do whatever. He said I love you this much and you must love her the same. Giver her the ability to make mistakes. Leave her alone to fall. And love her when no one else will, especially when she doesnt love herself.
And you are right God is good!!
Understanding God's wisdom is certinally tricky. Sometimes I think it is not for us to understand. I think if the answers were always clear we would have no reason to be faithful. Sometimes we go through problems that are incredibly difficult (like what we are all going through) these problems may push us to the very brink. I believe God allows that with a purpose. If all of our problems were quickly solved we would have no reason to believe God intervened. It is always clear to me that God has stepped in when I feel I can take no more and something amazing happens to pull me through. That is the spirit of God. That is when I know I am not alone and he is with me. Sometimes I try to control every situation in my life. And like with all codependents it just spins out of control the more I try. It is when I surrender and lay it at the feet of God that he takes over and eases my suffering. God's silence is a gift. Just like with our addicts, he wants us to truely surrender. Let it ALL go. Give it to him. Then he will show us the miracles he has planned for us. And at the end of it we can thank him instead of ourself for the outcome.
I defiently do not think that anyone of us should stay in a relationship with someone who is harming us (mentally or physically). And I certinally dont believe God would want us to. I am far from opposed to leaving my AH. I have seen where his addiction can go and have no intentions of allowing him to bring me there again. It is a deep dark place that neither my kids nor I will ever follow him to again. If he chooses to go down that path he will go alone. He will have no home and no support from me. However, just because he chooses the wrong road doesnt mean we stop loving him. His family will still exsist. Living life without him.
The story of Hosea and Gomer is a story of Gods love to humans (actually Israel ~ but thats another story). However, God expected Hosea to love Gomer the way God loved Hosea. God didnt say I love you this much but you can do whatever. He said I love you this much and you must love her the same. Giver her the ability to make mistakes. Leave her alone to fall. And love her when no one else will, especially when she doesnt love herself.
And you are right God is good!!
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Originally Posted by Hope44 
Sooo - when my daughter steals a check I should offer her the credit card, too? I don't think so! Still, what is God saying and how would it apply to our addicted son or daughter.
After all, He didn't turn the other cheek when he cleansed the temple
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I've struggled with the very same thing Angie. The scriptures seemed to do nothing but confuse me more sometimes. But there are scriptures that speak a bit differently. Those that call us to "rebuke in love". To confront unrighteousness. I don't know the scriptures off the top of my head, but they have helped me to see that God also expects us to stand up for righteousness. And I also think that sometimes God's love flat out doesn't feel good! Sometimes love has to be tough, and that is hard for us to grasp. There is also the mention of righteous anger - when Jesus overturned the tables in the temple (think it was mentioned above). It is all just so hard...knowing what is the way God wishes us to take.
I am going to look into getting that book though! Thanks for sharing.
I am going to look into getting that book though! Thanks for sharing.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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new normal,
I agree, it is so hard knowing which path we should take with our loved ones .. In Isaiah we learn that God's ways are not our ways ... and yes so often the scriptures are confusing ... but I believe it all comes back to Jesus, I'm not sure of the reference but the scripture goes something like this "for the words of the cross are foolish for those who are perishing but for us who are saved it is the power of God" ... Jesus loves us so much we can hardly grasp it, and yes there is a time for righteous anger and confrontation ... that is always directed at the sin not the sinner. We are encouraged sometimes to put the sinner out of fellowship (the scriptural basis of intervention) but we always have hope of reconciliation, and when they are ready and come back we are to lovingly accept them and seek to help build them up in love. I know it's corny but the old "what would Jesus do?" phrase helps me a lot. Jesus always walked with wisdom, mercy and grace. When my AS is living in his addiction I must constantly ask for wisdom, I know I cannot trust my emotions because they are steeped in my own selfish desires, not God's best for him. God's best included 18 months of jail, at the time it terrified me yet it saved his life. When my son is clean and seeking God I do the best I can to love him and encourage him. Recently in the midst of his relapse there was a day when I was overcome by emotion and fear I asked my husband to go to the police and file charges. He went to the precinct and low and behold it was closed! Who knew police precincts closed?? I thought they were always open. When he came home we decided that maybe it was a sign. We didn't take charges and our son is in recovery now. Ahh it is all so exhausting! I realize that his recovery is a fragile thing that may not last, there may come a time when we have to resort to the police. If he gets kicked out of the SLE and is on the streets I will do what I have to to save his life. I recently came across a scripture in the old testament that really spoke to me. Micah 6:8 He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
I agree, it is so hard knowing which path we should take with our loved ones .. In Isaiah we learn that God's ways are not our ways ... and yes so often the scriptures are confusing ... but I believe it all comes back to Jesus, I'm not sure of the reference but the scripture goes something like this "for the words of the cross are foolish for those who are perishing but for us who are saved it is the power of God" ... Jesus loves us so much we can hardly grasp it, and yes there is a time for righteous anger and confrontation ... that is always directed at the sin not the sinner. We are encouraged sometimes to put the sinner out of fellowship (the scriptural basis of intervention) but we always have hope of reconciliation, and when they are ready and come back we are to lovingly accept them and seek to help build them up in love. I know it's corny but the old "what would Jesus do?" phrase helps me a lot. Jesus always walked with wisdom, mercy and grace. When my AS is living in his addiction I must constantly ask for wisdom, I know I cannot trust my emotions because they are steeped in my own selfish desires, not God's best for him. God's best included 18 months of jail, at the time it terrified me yet it saved his life. When my son is clean and seeking God I do the best I can to love him and encourage him. Recently in the midst of his relapse there was a day when I was overcome by emotion and fear I asked my husband to go to the police and file charges. He went to the precinct and low and behold it was closed! Who knew police precincts closed?? I thought they were always open. When he came home we decided that maybe it was a sign. We didn't take charges and our son is in recovery now. Ahh it is all so exhausting! I realize that his recovery is a fragile thing that may not last, there may come a time when we have to resort to the police. If he gets kicked out of the SLE and is on the streets I will do what I have to to save his life. I recently came across a scripture in the old testament that really spoke to me. Micah 6:8 He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
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