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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Meeker, CO
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I am the ex-husband of a recovering alcoholic. We have remained friends for the last 3 and a half years and I just returned from spending 4 days with her. We both had a great time and reconnected surprisingly well. I still love her very much and would like for us to get back together. She has been sober for almost 3 years, attends AA regularly and is in fact sponsoring several other alcoholics.
I have reservations, however. Would that be a good thing for her? If anyone here lives with a recovering alcoholic I would appreciate communicating with them about their experiences.
I have reservations, however. Would that be a good thing for her? If anyone here lives with a recovering alcoholic I would appreciate communicating with them about their experiences.
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
Welcome to SR! 
Glad you are here. I would recommend taking a look at our friends/family forum. There you will be able to read some helpful info plus be able to ask questions of other people that have dealt with similar situations. By all means, feel free to keep posting here too. There are many people here that are willing to help. 
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Glad you are here. I would recommend taking a look at our friends/family forum. There you will be able to read some helpful info plus be able to ask questions of other people that have dealt with similar situations. By all means, feel free to keep posting here too. There are many people here that are willing to help. Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Good suggestions, here.
If you decide to pursue this, I'd suggest going very slowly. You've both been through a lot of changes in three years--she, for certain, and probably you, as well. It won't simply be picking up where you left off. You may not like all of the changes in her, and vice versa.
For what it's worth, even if you don't resume your intimate relationship, it's great to be good friends with an ex. My first husband (sober before we got married and still sober 31 years later--we divorced after fifteen years of marriage) and I are very close friends to this day. I would not care to be married to him, but he is an excellent, loyal friend.
If you decide to pursue this, I'd suggest going very slowly. You've both been through a lot of changes in three years--she, for certain, and probably you, as well. It won't simply be picking up where you left off. You may not like all of the changes in her, and vice versa.
For what it's worth, even if you don't resume your intimate relationship, it's great to be good friends with an ex. My first husband (sober before we got married and still sober 31 years later--we divorced after fifteen years of marriage) and I are very close friends to this day. I would not care to be married to him, but he is an excellent, loyal friend.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Welcome ducky.
That's a tough one because no one here knows either one of you and it would be up to you both to compromise on your relationship. Was she sober when you met? Do you know her sober? Has this been going on throughout the marraige? How does she feel about it? Can you forget the pain and anguish you had while she drink and not throw it up in the air everytime you have a dissagreement?
I separated from my husband last August due to many reasons besides just my drinking. It was a long time coming. After being in relationships/marraige for the past 28 or so years and having children throughout all those years, I am just now 'developing' myself. I am becoming my own person and not a mother, wife or person who needs to be compromising on my decisions, thoughts and ideas. Since I quit I have become a person that I can live with, who is stronger than the independance I displayed and understanding others better. And quite frankly, I could never see my ex and I getting back together. I have changed and hate to say, because he hasn't had any 'life altering' trauma, probably hasn't. With that said, your relationship with your wife will completely be up to you both and your 'connection'.
Wishing you peace and strength.
That's a tough one because no one here knows either one of you and it would be up to you both to compromise on your relationship. Was she sober when you met? Do you know her sober? Has this been going on throughout the marraige? How does she feel about it? Can you forget the pain and anguish you had while she drink and not throw it up in the air everytime you have a dissagreement?
I separated from my husband last August due to many reasons besides just my drinking. It was a long time coming. After being in relationships/marraige for the past 28 or so years and having children throughout all those years, I am just now 'developing' myself. I am becoming my own person and not a mother, wife or person who needs to be compromising on my decisions, thoughts and ideas. Since I quit I have become a person that I can live with, who is stronger than the independance I displayed and understanding others better. And quite frankly, I could never see my ex and I getting back together. I have changed and hate to say, because he hasn't had any 'life altering' trauma, probably hasn't. With that said, your relationship with your wife will completely be up to you both and your 'connection'.
Wishing you peace and strength.
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