m1k3

Out on my walk this morning heading over to the gym and thinking about everything that lead to me moving on on my AW when I had an insight. I spent all those years trying to help her change when she wasn't the one who needed to change, I was. I could no more change her than I could make the sky red.

I guess at an unconscious level I knew that because I was changing by coming here, moving out, setting boundaries and starting my own recovery. But when in popped into my head this morning in a way I could verbalize it felt like one more piece of the recovery puzzle fell into place.

Nothing exciting or dramatic but something I wanted to share.

Tuffgirl

It is exciting and dramatic - your thinking is changing and that is huge. Good for you...that was a hard realization for me to come to, but when it happened, I felt freedom to become whatever I want to be for the first time in a long time. It was awesome!

jamaicamecrazy

Once you "get it" it seems so simple. But it is hard to see the forest for the trees when you are in the midst and our focus is on them. I feel like I see so much more of what life has to offer me now that I am not focused on him. Good for you in your progress forward. Your growth is inspiring to others who are right where you are.

sailorjohn

Actually that is very significant, something I work on/struggle with every day.

My 'stuff' is the only thing I need ever concern myself with.

barb dwyer

beauty!

newby1961

My thoughts exactly in that it is very huge & dramatic

When one has a light bulb come on it can be a life changing experience

I also was thinking how different we alky's are from the ones who love us.

We are self centered to the core and they are centered on the alky

Good luck in your new journey

dollydo

It was amazing to me that when I was done with exabf and away from him how clearly I could think, be objective and make sound decisions.

I was a mess when I was with him, the stress was overwhelming, however, until I was free from him I did not realize how in bad of shape I really was. I was just reacting and going thru the motions required to get through the day.

Today life is great, I am at peace.

Thanks for sharing!

outonalimb

m1k3........

Your 'aha' moment is a big one. Really big!!

Just think...if we can just channel all the energy we used to channgel into fixing them and put it into fixing us how much we can do!!

Its very empowering to let go of the old way of thinking and doing things isn't it??

m1k3

Yes it is. I have had one of my best days in a long time. It's funny part of what lead to this was me watching Kung Fu Panda this weekend. "There is no secret ingredient." How true.

boomerlady

Mike, I love your epiphany and reading it made me think of what I told our marriage counselor recently. I told her that I had changed and what I wanted from life and love had changed, but my AH had not. I even told my MC that I felt a little guilty for turning the tables and changing my wants and needs. But I love the way you said it when you say, you wasted time trying to change her and what you needed to change was you. It is hard to live with an alkie once you do change like we have and start realizing what life has to offer. I even find that when I'm not with him now, I'm happier and more at ease. I haven't completely moved out like you have, but we are living separately in the same house. Congrats to you for taking that big step and realizing that you have changed and for the better.

CKN

I am so happy for you!!

NYCDoglvr

Reading your post I feel like I've been given a big gift ... hope. What a beautiful realization. Thank you.

grateful101010

Thanks for your eloquent and simple statement of truth.

zrx1200R

Bravo.