Unhappily Sober
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 5
Unhappily Sober
Hi, everyone-
I just joined the forum approximately 5 minutes ago.
I've been sober for almost 5 years and the past few days I've been having really strong cravings for alcohol. I can't believe I haven't relapsed yet. Part of the problem is that I've been unemployed for the past 2 weeks--I start a new job on Tuesday. But I go nuts when I have too much free time on my hands to think and wallow in whatever crappy thoughts I can come up with.
I started drinking when I was 14 and I could NEVER drink in moderation. I've always been a shy person and, admittedly, alcohol was mainly my crutch to deal with social anxiety. Now that I don't drink, I have no life. I've tried going out with friends who drink and even though I've been sober for a significant amount of time all I can think about when I'm out with friends is how badly I want to drink. So now I just choose to not go out.
So, that's where I'm at right now. I'm really struggling.
I just joined the forum approximately 5 minutes ago.
I've been sober for almost 5 years and the past few days I've been having really strong cravings for alcohol. I can't believe I haven't relapsed yet. Part of the problem is that I've been unemployed for the past 2 weeks--I start a new job on Tuesday. But I go nuts when I have too much free time on my hands to think and wallow in whatever crappy thoughts I can come up with.
I started drinking when I was 14 and I could NEVER drink in moderation. I've always been a shy person and, admittedly, alcohol was mainly my crutch to deal with social anxiety. Now that I don't drink, I have no life. I've tried going out with friends who drink and even though I've been sober for a significant amount of time all I can think about when I'm out with friends is how badly I want to drink. So now I just choose to not go out.
So, that's where I'm at right now. I'm really struggling.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Hi and Welcome,
It sounds like you might need to make some significant changes in your life. It could be a good idea to try some new activities that don't involve alcohol and to try to make friends who are not drinking buddies. It takes a lot of change to live a sober, and happy, life.
It sounds like you might need to make some significant changes in your life. It could be a good idea to try some new activities that don't involve alcohol and to try to make friends who are not drinking buddies. It takes a lot of change to live a sober, and happy, life.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi RunFromMyLife
Welcome
So you just stopped drinking 5 years ago...no other changes?
I really had to work at who I was in order to stay sober. I think it's vital we get in touch with ourselves. I drank for definite underlying reasons - I stopped the drinking but the underlying reasons are still there unless I do something about them.
Some people get in touch with themselves with counselling, some undergo the 12 steps of AA, some find their own ways through books, meditation, service work....
Basically I think if we're unhappy with our life, we have the power to change it
Sobriety shouldn't be an ordeal.
I know you'll find a lot of support here
D
Welcome
So you just stopped drinking 5 years ago...no other changes?
I really had to work at who I was in order to stay sober. I think it's vital we get in touch with ourselves. I drank for definite underlying reasons - I stopped the drinking but the underlying reasons are still there unless I do something about them.
Some people get in touch with themselves with counselling, some undergo the 12 steps of AA, some find their own ways through books, meditation, service work....
Basically I think if we're unhappy with our life, we have the power to change it
Sobriety shouldn't be an ordeal.
I know you'll find a lot of support here
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 5
Thanks, Anna!
Dee74: Thank you! I saw my therapist for almost 6 years. I sobered up after seeing her for about a year. I abruptly quit seeing her last July. After doing therapy once a week, staying in the psych ward countless times, trying numerous different meds, and doing electro-convulsive therapy, I needed a break. I sporadically go to AA meetings but I haven't been to one for about 6 months. I've never had a sponsor and I've never worked the steps (and I have no desire to work the steps). So the underlying problem (depression) seems to be kicking my butt these days.
Dee74: Thank you! I saw my therapist for almost 6 years. I sobered up after seeing her for about a year. I abruptly quit seeing her last July. After doing therapy once a week, staying in the psych ward countless times, trying numerous different meds, and doing electro-convulsive therapy, I needed a break. I sporadically go to AA meetings but I haven't been to one for about 6 months. I've never had a sponsor and I've never worked the steps (and I have no desire to work the steps). So the underlying problem (depression) seems to be kicking my butt these days.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 5
The number of antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds that I've tried is well into the double digits. So, yes, I've given up on that form of treatment for the time being. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate your support - but meds aren't in the picture right now.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,937
I relapsed after 5 years, and then once I did I had difficulty getting back on the wagon. It took me over a year, so my advice is don't drink. I know that sounds annoyingly simple. I finally tried AA and that has really helped. Stick around and keep reading and posting.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by RunFromMyLife 
I saw my therapist for almost 6 years. I sobered up after seeing her for about a year. I abruptly quit seeing her last July. After doing therapy once a week, staying in the psych ward countless times, trying numerous different meds, and doing electro-convulsive therapy
I've never worked the steps (and I have no desire to work the steps).
So the underlying problem (depression) seems to be kicking my butt these days.
So you've been to therapy for 6 years, been on multiple meds, even ECT... What do you got to lose, why not go through the steps? I mean, worst that could happen is that you still feel like you do...
Perhaps the underlying problem is depression, and I am in no way, even remotely, qualified to have an opinion... except... hmm...
Maybe you should consider trying a spiritual approach, since you've already tried the psychologic and medical???
Just a thought.
Good luck on your new job... Keep posting!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Welcome! I am sorry you are having a tough time. 5 years is a loooong time. A couple of things stand out from your post. It sounds like you quit for a reason. I can only assume that there was something that was going on with you or happened 5 years ago that caused you to make the decision to quit. Maybe, take yourself back to that time and ask "How was drinking affecting you"? Was it positive or negative?
You also mentioned you are not working and starting a new job it two weeks. You don't know what the future holds. Maybe you will meet some great people at that job that you can hang out with. Maybe there are folks there that don't drink. It would be a shame to throw such time down the drain with an entire new opportunity about to happen.
You have a lot more time in than I do, but the basic plan for sobriety is one day at a time. I have six months coming up soon (knock on wood) and I couldn't imagine living the way I was - taking just booze out of the equation - and trying to be happy. In other words, my entire life has changed as a result of getting into recovery. I have found a home in AA. I have found a ton of good people to hang out with. I'm sure you can to.
Finally, there is no problem that booze can't make worse. Sometimes our best simply isn't that good. Sometimes we have days when we give it all we have and we just don't get very good results. On those days, we just need to go to bed earlier. Wake up fresh and sober and ready to take on another day.
I don't know if any of this will help you. I know I've been at the point where I thought drinking was inevitable, but I've stuck with it. My life has gotten better. I have never woken up from a night of NOT drinking and regretted it. On the flip side, I woke up very often after drinking and regretted it. Drinking, for us alcoholics, gives us no freedom. It's a self created jail.
If I were you, I'd go to a meeting tomorrow (if you're open to it) and just see what happens. What do you have to lose?
Best of luck!
You also mentioned you are not working and starting a new job it two weeks. You don't know what the future holds. Maybe you will meet some great people at that job that you can hang out with. Maybe there are folks there that don't drink. It would be a shame to throw such time down the drain with an entire new opportunity about to happen.
You have a lot more time in than I do, but the basic plan for sobriety is one day at a time. I have six months coming up soon (knock on wood) and I couldn't imagine living the way I was - taking just booze out of the equation - and trying to be happy. In other words, my entire life has changed as a result of getting into recovery. I have found a home in AA. I have found a ton of good people to hang out with. I'm sure you can to.
Finally, there is no problem that booze can't make worse. Sometimes our best simply isn't that good. Sometimes we have days when we give it all we have and we just don't get very good results. On those days, we just need to go to bed earlier. Wake up fresh and sober and ready to take on another day.
I don't know if any of this will help you. I know I've been at the point where I thought drinking was inevitable, but I've stuck with it. My life has gotten better. I have never woken up from a night of NOT drinking and regretted it. On the flip side, I woke up very often after drinking and regretted it. Drinking, for us alcoholics, gives us no freedom. It's a self created jail.
If I were you, I'd go to a meeting tomorrow (if you're open to it) and just see what happens. What do you have to lose?
Best of luck!
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 270
Hope it helped to post and make contact with others who also don't want to drink.
I probably came the closest to drinking ever during the weekend I turned 5, but some people were placed in my path who talked about the things I was distressed about and that kept me sober through that hard weekend. At the time I didn't realize how near the cliff edge I was.
Nothing like the give and take of f2f contact...less waiting.
I probably came the closest to drinking ever during the weekend I turned 5, but some people were placed in my path who talked about the things I was distressed about and that kept me sober through that hard weekend. At the time I didn't realize how near the cliff edge I was.
Nothing like the give and take of f2f contact...less waiting.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 567
I've been sober for almost 5 years and the past few days I've been having really strong cravings for alcohol.
(and I have no desire to work the steps).
If you at least try to take Step 1, then hopefully you might then see what a craving really is when it comes to alcohol.
Perhaps I ought to offer a clue here to think about.
Is it a craving, or a obsession to drink...in other words, are you always now thinking about taking a drink? because if you are, from my experience that's obsession.
Craving is physical, and for us alkies, we crave after we take the first drink.
It is impossible to crave alcohol before one drinks alcohol. We can obssess over it, the thought of drinking and at times it may become so "loud", we actually taste it.....that's not exactly a physical craving....
I'm saying this because I had it wrong once to and drank again early in my first sober months. When I got the terminology right and got shown what the difference is, then the obssesion left.
I may think of a drink, but I don't obsesss over it. The key word for me is "re-coil" or move away, RUN!
I won't take a drink, therefore I cannot possibly kick in the physical craving.
Therefore the choice factor, "shall I won't I" is simply non event. No choice, there is no choice.
AA helps alot though, not just meetings, but service and working the steps and the BB.
Credit for not picking up a drink for 5 years, I'm on 3 years and few months, but difference is, I work my steps, quickly and try to help those that have the same desire, to not want to drink and play a active part in their recovery.
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
You got amazing advice here, welcome to SR
NA is the core of my life, its my base because I dioscovered after 19 years clean followed by an 11 year relapse that I cannot do this alone. I dont think it matters about the flavour of recovery just solong as its 'we' and not 'me'.
Kevin
NA is the core of my life, its my base because I dioscovered after 19 years clean followed by an 11 year relapse that I cannot do this alone. I dont think it matters about the flavour of recovery just solong as its 'we' and not 'me'.
Kevin
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,958
Welcome to SoberRecovery RunFromMyLife.
I sure can relate to that that. I guess at one time my mind was my worst enemy. I would endlessly dwell on anything that was negative about me or my life. I come to find that negative self-talk is a symptom of my depression and addiction.
One thing I realized when I entered dual-diagnosis treatment was I never developed any healthy coping skills or living skills for that matter in a life of untreated dual-illness. As for unhealthy thoughts I learned to stop them as soon as they come up. Sometimes I'm late in stopping those thoughts, so when I recognize I'm doing that, I challenge them. I didn't develop these skills over night. It took a good amount of time and practice to get to where I'm no longer at war with my mind, in fact my mind is now my ally in the quest to remain healthy in body and mind.
Its a work in process to heal from mental illness and addiction for me, but the key word is work (action). Its hard to be negative about the positive works I have done and still do in recovery.
I would encourage you to keep active here at SR, as it is good place for support to help you on your way to better emotional health.
Originally Posted by RunFromMyLife
But I go nuts when I have too much free time on my hands to think and wallow in whatever crappy thoughts I can come up with.
One thing I realized when I entered dual-diagnosis treatment was I never developed any healthy coping skills or living skills for that matter in a life of untreated dual-illness. As for unhealthy thoughts I learned to stop them as soon as they come up. Sometimes I'm late in stopping those thoughts, so when I recognize I'm doing that, I challenge them. I didn't develop these skills over night. It took a good amount of time and practice to get to where I'm no longer at war with my mind, in fact my mind is now my ally in the quest to remain healthy in body and mind.
Its a work in process to heal from mental illness and addiction for me, but the key word is work (action). Its hard to be negative about the positive works I have done and still do in recovery.
I would encourage you to keep active here at SR, as it is good place for support to help you on your way to better emotional health.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Albany NY
Posts: 1,212
Sorry you seem to be struggling right now. Five years is quite a good bit of time to be sober. I have quite a few years sober myself. I have dark times, but early on, I learned that I have to be vigilant and to surround myself with sober people who have succeeded and were living the life I was hoping to have, when I first started. How did they do it? How did I do it?
I think your posts answer your own questions. Here's what I'm reading:
I'm not working.
I'm not occupying my time.
I wallow in crappy thoughts.
I can't drink in moderation.
I'm shy.
Alcohol is my crutch
Drinking is my life.
I hang out with friends who drink
Meds not in the picture
Never had a sponsor
Never worked the steps
Never had the desire to work the steps.
So now that you know what you are NOT willing to do, can you think what you CAN do. I don't think you've left yourself much room here for positive outcomes, but definately plenty of space to decide to drink.
Maybe, just maybe, if you changed the "nots" to "I will", you will have a different type of life.
Good luck.
I think your posts answer your own questions. Here's what I'm reading:
I'm not working.
I'm not occupying my time.
I wallow in crappy thoughts.
I can't drink in moderation.
I'm shy.
Alcohol is my crutch
Drinking is my life.
I hang out with friends who drink
Meds not in the picture
Never had a sponsor
Never worked the steps
Never had the desire to work the steps.
So now that you know what you are NOT willing to do, can you think what you CAN do. I don't think you've left yourself much room here for positive outcomes, but definately plenty of space to decide to drink.
Maybe, just maybe, if you changed the "nots" to "I will", you will have a different type of life.
Good luck.
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