hopeful4now

i have been drinking for 22 years....and im only 36 i knew for sure that i was a drunk about 9 years ago. did i do anything about it? nope! it was until i started blacking out and asking my friends what i did while i was liquored up. im on this site because i want and need to stop drinking. i dont have support around me and i have a big family, but i feel so lonely. its been 2 weeks since i had my last drink. i had no idea what withdrawals were going to be like! im moody, i cant sleep, i want to cry all the time, and all i want to do is drink it away....thats what i always did before....any suggestions? i dont know if im ready for a meeting yet.

artsoul

Welcome, hopeful! Glad you're reaching out for support (I know it's hard to do, but you'll be so glad you did!) We all know what those first days and weeks are like, and the insomnia and mood swings are normal.

The good news is that things will get better. Be patient with yourself. You're making a huge change.

Drinking will only make things worse, even though the addicted brain tells us otherwise. Hang in there - we're behind you!

1undone

Hey, welcome!

Your support may have to come from strangers. That's where I had to go - AA. I haven't said a word to my family (accept my DH) as I don't believe they would be very supportive and I don't need the questions right now. I'm way to fragile.

You can go to your doctor also and get some meds (if you haven't) for the mood swings and lack of sleep. It might help you to feel stable enough to go to an AA meeting as well. I know for me the first meeting was very emotional but the minute I walked in the room everyone knew what I was going through as they had been there too. I finally felt like I was safe to be completely honest.

There are other groups too, if you just google the topic and others here go to various types as well.

Bottom line is it sounds like you are desperate and need help and support. I am in the same boat and I can tell you people here are great and will give you a lot of information if you just ask.

least

Welcome to the family. You'll find a lot of support and useful information here to help you in your desire to get and stay sober.

nandm

Welcome to SR

Anna

Welcome and good for you for having 2 weeks sober.

I hope you feel better soon!

I think I would ask what other changes are you making in your life? I found that I was using alcohol to avoid dealing with everything in my life, so when I stopped drinking I had a lot of inner work to do.

instant

welcome hopeful. I am day 12 today. I can't sleep so I am up at 4am. It sounds like it is uncomfortable for you currently. Your post shows you have taken some stock of the situation. I know for me I needed to stop what I was doing and take whatever comes. Feelings ebb and flow. It seems others have got to place where there is more peace and joy by hanging in there, and doing whatever it takes.

Itchy

Congrats on the two weeks! I have 8 months but man those first few weeks were strange! You are already over the physical addiction, so hang in there or hangover! My skin dried up and I was flaking all over thus my name here. My short term memory seemed to be skewed, I went through alternating diarrea and constipation, had a few panic attacks which I never had before, gained weight from sugar craving, was uncomfortable in social settings and interacting in public, well it was very strange.

Several things got me through it. One was I had to detox in a hospital for 7 days because I couldn't go one morning without drinking by myself. I awore that if I could detox then I could handle the rest. Some of my post acute withdrawal synmptpms scared me. But I had my Doc in on it, from before the detox, and he did blood tests and told me that my body was changing as a result of no mopre poison in my system, so I knew I was in no danger. That not to say that the same symptoms in another could be, that to say that a Doc is a good person to have on your support team. I'd have never made it without mine.

Second for the panic attacks and other weird feelings I joined AA and just being able to talk without covering up exactly what I was and had done with others that accepted me for what I will be, not what I had been was simply amazing. We live in secret for so long that being eyeball to eyeball with a group of mixed professionals blue collar folks and every background and social strata got me out of the self recriminations and allowed em to take full responsibility for my actions and sobriety. No one could prompt me to go back or make me feel like a victim enough to drive me to drink. You see I did it. Both becoming an alcoholic, so I could also become a recovered alcoholic.

The icing on the cake was here on SR. The reinforcement and friendships forged here are worldwide ( hey Dee!). And a few from my home state. (Hey Sharon!)

Mida

Welcome and it's wonderful you've decided to seek sobriety...feeling a bit overwhelmed after a couple of weeks is normal and to be expected. It will get better (((hugs))).

SR is great for support but exploring face to face options is also a good idea for many.

So glad you found us and best wishes on your journey.

Dee74

Welcome hopeful4now

Glad you're here - support is very important. Anna's point is a good one too - what are you doing besides just not drinking?

D

hopeful4now

thats all ive done so far besides go through alot of emotions....there are other things going on with me but it all stems from my drinking. i have alot of regret, guilt and shame going on. it comes in waves....im not sure what you are asking me. im sorry.

Mark75

How are you working through those waves of regret, shame, guilt?... What are you doing to reinvent yourself... besides just not drinking...

It's not about the alcohol

Welcome to SR!! Keep posting...

hopeful4now

i think alot about where i would be right now if i didnt drink...the people that ive cut off and the time ive wasted.....then i get more depressed. honestly...i havent thought much about anything else except trying NOT to drink....

Reset

Welcome. It is scary at the beginning- most of us felt the same way. I sure did.

But it gets better. 12 days is a great start so please hang in there.

If I could make a suggestion- thinking about NOT drinking is almost the same as thinking about drinking. You really gotta get your mind on something else. The cravings for me came in waves so I'd try to have tools to distract me during the waves (movies, books, this board, chores, whatever). But sitting around thinking about your predicament isn't going to help. Do something different- and that's also a great way to start living your new life.

EmeraldRose

and all i want to do is drink it away....thats what i always did before....any suggestions?

Welcome.
Suggestions? Don't drink?
You know its' really not going to help anything.

Dee74

I thought all I had to do was stop drinking and my life would be fine.

Sadly when I got sober the scales fell from my eyes and I realised just how messed up me and my life were. Like Mark suggest we often have to rebuild our lives, and reinvent ourselves from scratch.

Support helped me - it made all the difference for me - SR is great and I encourage you to post and read here...

have you thought of recovery groups as well? - like AA or SMART etc. - or counselling? Other things like inpatient or outpatient rehab can be useful for some too

D

recoverywfaith

Impurrfect

(((Hopeful))) as others have pointed out, we practically have to reinvent ourselves to work recovery. Quitting whatever substance we abuse (mine was crack) is the easy part. Oh sure, we may remember the withdrawals (mine were only mental, but still tough), the feelings we felt after drinking/using, but that wasn't enough to keep me from using again.

It's getting a little time, having that voice in your head that says "see? You've been so good for ----, one little drink won't hurt" and knowing, without a doubt that the voice is wrong. It's dealing with consequences of when we drank/used and not numbing out the pain that goes along with it. It's having days when we're in a funk, beating ourselves up, tired of trying to regain trust, dealing with consequences, general "life" stuff seeming to gain up on us, and reaching out. For me, I have those days, and I come here and post...it amazes me how that little step can help so much. Not that anyone can "fix" those feelings, but just knowing I'm not alone is a big help.

I was clean for the better part of a year. I used one day, no biggie (other than the feeling like I was the scum of the earth), paid my bills, went to work. Next month, did the same..however I couldn't get it off my mind. It wasn't long until I relapsed for about 2 weeks, lost most of what little I had gained in that year, and absolutely hated myself. That's when I said "enough" and started working on ME, and figuring out ways to shut that little voice up when things got rough.

When we are truly done, when we want recovery more than anything else in life, we find ways to work it. Congrats on the 2 weeks!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

winegirl

oh, this is great. I think its pretty good to start with JUST NOT DRINKING.
For now, anyway. Thats the first HUGE step! Congratulations!! Take your time and worry about 'reinventing yourself' and dealing with guilt and other feelings WHEN YOU'RE READY.

People are replying to your post as though there is all kinds of emotional homework you've overlooked. Give yourself a break and just get used to your sober self and be proud. "do something" about it later! We've got your back!
Please keep posting.

reggiewayne

Welcome Hopefull. You ARE ready for a meeting. I couln't imagine quitting drinking for 2 weeks on my own. Early on, I went to 2 to 3 meetings per day and it was still extreemly hard. Congrats on your two weeks btw, that's awesome.

There are a ton of programs out there, but AA is what I chose. I knew I was "home" the first time I went to a meeting. For years, nobody drank like I did. My freinds would tell me to "just don't drink so much, pace yourself, stay off the hard stuff, etc..." It never worked. I was constantly drinking, then quitting, then miserable, then drinking, then blacking out, then quitting, then miserable, and on and on...

I found a solution in AA. I am coming up on 6 months and my life has completely turned around. If it can happen for me, it can happen for you.

I wish you the best of luck. Please keep coming back to the site. We're here to help. By helping you, it helps us stay sober - sounds crazy, but it's true.

Hang in there!