jackie34

Hi there,

This is my first time posting here. I am looking for some advice. I am married to an alcoholic. We have been married for 4.5 years and have two small children. My husband is a "functioning" alcoholic. He drinks mainly when he is out for work which is not all that often. Also he is a wino so will lay on the couch at night and finish a bottle or so of wine...not every night and will sometimes go through periods where he doesn't drink for a few weeks. The main problem is that when he goes out for work he will drive home drunk. I feel sick about this and don't know what to do. I have tried yelling, crying threatening etc. he agrees not to do it for a while and then does it again. I am seriously considering a divorce. I have tried to get him to see that he has a problem and he is in total denial. I am tired of being an enabler and don't want my girls living in this environment. Anyway I guess I am just looking for some been there done that advice or support. Thanks

wanttobehealthy

I'm in much the same boat as you except my AH has been slowly moving toward being less of a functional alcoholic and got himself in trouble with the law this winter...

I tried crying, begging, pleading etc... I tried to love him out of being an alcoholic, hate him out of it and everything in between.

My AH and it sounds, yours, are in denial (or know they are ill and don't care) and NOTHING you do will change that. I was told this for years and did not believe it. Now I do. But I still get sucked in to the blame game, the lies, the hurt etc...

I am not planning to stay married to my AH. I have 2 young girls too (5 and 3) and I've told myself for yrs they wern't impacted bc AH has a great job, puts on a good dad act etc... But they have been impacted greatly and high functioning or not doesn't impact the tension kids feel and the walking on eggshells tone that filled our house day in and day out.

A friend asked me a few weeks ago to consider which was worse for my D's: temporary disruption for them bc of a divorce, upheaval from their homes, poverty perhaps OR growing up learning to live like I do- afraid to expect more than what I get from AH bc of his reaction, anxious, tense, sad, seeing a lack of love etc...

That was a lightning bolt moment for me.

PM me anytime if you want-- I understand what you are going through and its so hard and so sad. Do you have T or go to al anon? Do you talk to any friends or family (I think that high functioning alcoholism is soooo hard bc it's such a secret- at least for me- I felt like no one would believe me bc AH is such a saint to the rest of the world and I isolated myself a LOT).

catlovermi

Welcome

While you're waiting for more folks to pop in, check out the incredible information in the "sticky" posts at the top of the list of topics in this forum. The "classic reading" has links to discussions I'm sure you will identify with. A wealth of information in the stickies!

CLMI

StarCat

Alcoholism is a terrible disease, impacting not only the alcoholic but also those around the alcoholic.
It's also progressive if it remains unchecked.

The 3 C's:
You didn't Cause it
You can't Control it
You can't Cure it

This is his decisions to drink, and you can't impose your own decisions over those of a grown man, no matter how strong or loving your intentions, no matter how self-destructive his tendencies.

You're not alone.
I'm glad you found us.