PapaNico

Well, Here I am at day one again. This might prove to be one of the hardest things I've ever done. I feel so bad that I can't control this demon of mine. I just want to make it stop! Booze just makes my life misery, but for some reason, I can't say no! Granted, it was only 5 days, but for me, it was feeling good to have that separation. I truly am one of those Jekyll and Hyde people... when I am sober I am cool and collected, an all-around decent guy. When I drink, the complete opposite. I hate waking up the next morning (this morning) and reflecting on the way I acted. What a fool! I am going to take my friend Artoro's advice and just sleep today, because otherwise, I would beat myself up all day long and probably end up going back to the store for more crap. I have to get myself together... My wife and I are sitting down tonight for a lengthy conversation. I guess I'll plan for the worst and hope for the best. I wish I were on day 6. Booze sucks

Bikeguy

Sorry to hear that PapaNico, hopefully sitting down with your wife and having a good conversation will help. Keep at it, you can do this.

OklaBH

You can do this. No, its not easy but the rewards are worth it!

iliveforyou

PapaNico - I am sorry about your slip, it can happen to the best of us so don't beat yourself up. I've had many, sadly. You just need to pick yourself back up, learn from your mistakes and keep moving It is NOT easy but you can do it and it is well worth the hard work to find your recovery Thanks for sharing, I am sorry you are in so much emotional pain. We're here for you.

-Jess

aasharon90

As long as alcohol was around, I reached for it. Whether
im celebrating, sad, angry, reward for working hard in
the yard, cutting grass, end of a long day, relaxing, no
matter what the reason, if alcohol was there, i was right
with it.

If i didnt have it, I went looking for it. grocery store, club,
conienient store, parties, resturants, u name it I had to get
it.

Alcohol and drugs are sooooo powerful. So Cunning, Baffling and
Powerful that it will get you one way or another "IF" one is not
prepared or ready for it.

A recovery suit of armour with knowledge and tools was handed
to me to wear in my life to ward off the demons of alcohol. I
continue to wear it today some 20 yrs later as part of my recovery
mantainence, so I can live happy honest and free without worry.

Those tools and suggestions I have used to help me stay sober has kept me alive for a many one days at a time to get me where I am today.

Anna

Hi PapaNico,,

You can do this, and know that stopping drinking will allow you to be free of the obsession. It is definitely the hardest thing I've ever had to do, no question about that.

Keep reading and posting!

Artoro

Don't be too hard on yourself Papa. I think it's very important to try to keep a positive frame of mind and not to beat yourself up for your sins of the past.

Consider it a minor setback and get back on the train. Good things can come from bad ones.

And if you don't like doing this alone, then consider other means like a therpist or AA.

You can do this man!

PapaNico

Yeah, I am going to see my shrink next Tuesday, it has been years since I've seen her, but I think that now is the time. I really appreciate your help and support on this, I feel like you are my sponsor of sorts. I am just so darned wigged out over this stuff. I guess I just need to see what happens after day 5, right? I just felt like such a cranky pants when I dried out.. I wish I never picked the stuff up, inevitably things just go down hill when I do. Sorry for the here and there, I guess I am still trying to sort things out and I am just writing things as they come to mind. I hope you have a good day.

Dee74

It's hard to change our lives - many of us falter.
I'm glad you're looking into what you could be doing differently PN

Welcome back
D