heartbroken
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 162
heartbroken
Hi.. I will say I am new, although I joined a few years ago and SR helped me and I was able to stay sober for 2 months. Like many are familar with, I then thought I could moderate, and have gone back and forth with that, as we know - if we have a drinking problem that never works.
My husband and I have had huge fights over my drinking. I really dont think he understands that when you have a problem, you just cant have 1 or 2. His mother is also an alcoholic. To try and keep this short, I will get right to the point.
I have debated posting this here, because of the fact that every one here is trying to abstain from drinking, but I know people here will understand better than anyone else.
Last weekend he calls why I am grocery shopping, asking me to pick-up beer so we can go to the neighbors for a bbq. All is fine and good (yes, I was drinking). Monday, I have 3 beers after work and he threatens to leave me (which he does often). This is an example of what has happend many times - but this time he is sleeping in the other room and not speaking to me.
We have poor communication, but I have told him several times (and by letter), that If I am going to quit, I need his support. Our entire social life revolves around drinking. Parties, boating, bbq. I will also note, I have not had any rock bottoms, so to speak. I work full-time, go to school part-time, no DUI's, nothing along those lines.
I guess to me its seems that I can only drink/get drunk on his terms (when he wants to). When I have tried to totally abstain, he is not supportive.
Anyone have any type of experience with this?
I told him I will not promise to quit drinking, because I dont know if I can keep that promise. Most likely I will stumble many times before I can get this right.
I would love some feedback. Thanks
My husband and I have had huge fights over my drinking. I really dont think he understands that when you have a problem, you just cant have 1 or 2. His mother is also an alcoholic. To try and keep this short, I will get right to the point.
I have debated posting this here, because of the fact that every one here is trying to abstain from drinking, but I know people here will understand better than anyone else.
Last weekend he calls why I am grocery shopping, asking me to pick-up beer so we can go to the neighbors for a bbq. All is fine and good (yes, I was drinking). Monday, I have 3 beers after work and he threatens to leave me (which he does often). This is an example of what has happend many times - but this time he is sleeping in the other room and not speaking to me.
We have poor communication, but I have told him several times (and by letter), that If I am going to quit, I need his support. Our entire social life revolves around drinking. Parties, boating, bbq. I will also note, I have not had any rock bottoms, so to speak. I work full-time, go to school part-time, no DUI's, nothing along those lines.
I guess to me its seems that I can only drink/get drunk on his terms (when he wants to). When I have tried to totally abstain, he is not supportive.
Anyone have any type of experience with this?
I told him I will not promise to quit drinking, because I dont know if I can keep that promise. Most likely I will stumble many times before I can get this right.
I would love some feedback. Thanks
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Welcome back Michigangirl 
It's my experience that people without our problem can sometime have no idea of how it works.
They assume it's like it is for them...drink occasionally, drink one or two and then stop...no obsessions, no compulsions...
It sounds like your husband wants you to be a normal drinker....and I'm sorry, but you're not.
This is your life, your problem and your recovery.
If you've decided abstinence is best for you then commit yourself to that....I'd hope that your husband wants the best for you and he will come around
You'll always find a lot of support here, as you know
D
It's my experience that people without our problem can sometime have no idea of how it works.
They assume it's like it is for them...drink occasionally, drink one or two and then stop...no obsessions, no compulsions...
It sounds like your husband wants you to be a normal drinker....and I'm sorry, but you're not.
This is your life, your problem and your recovery.
If you've decided abstinence is best for you then commit yourself to that....I'd hope that your husband wants the best for you and he will come around
You'll always find a lot of support here, as you know
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 16
My husband really doesn't drink anymore. We use to twelve years ago. Once in awhile he does when were out of town.
I'm the one that drinks in the evening to relax, mostly red wine. I told him recently that I have a problem. He asked if I thought I was an alcoholic and I told him yes. But he hasn't tried to help. That was like as far as it went with our conversation. I have told him that I have a drinking problem in the past but he didn't think I did.
I have come to realize that I have to help myself out of this bondage (of course with a lot of Gods help).
I'm the one that drinks in the evening to relax, mostly red wine. I told him recently that I have a problem. He asked if I thought I was an alcoholic and I told him yes. But he hasn't tried to help. That was like as far as it went with our conversation. I have told him that I have a drinking problem in the past but he didn't think I did.
I have come to realize that I have to help myself out of this bondage (of course with a lot of Gods help).
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