Lost
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3
Lost
I'm not really sure what I want to say here. I am an alcoholic and have been struggling with being sober for a time and then relapsing. I love being sober, but the anxiety that I feel inevitably causes me to pick up again...as I just did in the past few days. I hate the way I feel hungover, but I also hate the way my mind works when I'm sober. I've screwed up immensely the past few years of my life and that constant regret and the feeling like I'll never be able to get my life back on track gives me cause to continue this cycle of abuse. I feel so unbelievably depressed. I lost my job, am in financial ruin, and I spend my days feeling so alone. Life is passing me by and I feel helpless. And it pisses me off. I didn't use to be this person. I was active, healthy, happy...full of dreams. Now I'm just a shadow of that person. I know if I could stay sober then maybe I could have another chance at that life. I'm almost 30 and quite simply I just feel like a failure. And I don't know how to change things...I just feel so lost...
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome. It sounds to me like you have periods when you don't drink. There is a difference between not drinking and being sober. Recovery is about learning how to be sober. All you have to do to not drink is abstain. Yet, as you are finding, that is difficult for the alcoholic.
Look into a recovery program of some sort, counseling. You can get your life back. Coming here was a good first step.
Look into a recovery program of some sort, counseling. You can get your life back. Coming here was a good first step.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: TX
Posts: 87
Looks like you joined almost a year ago and have you been on and off of SR? Have you seen a Dr. about the anxiety? Your not a failure, you havent quit! You are on here posting right? That means you know and want the help. Please stay and read a lot of posts and stories.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 91
Start by taking one day at a time, take time to read and do some soul searching, vision the life you see for your self and take small steps every day to make things better. You would be amazed at how much your life gets better. It is small steps, big changes dont happen overnight, but to start heading in the right direction can happen quicker than you think.
Keep posting, and reading other posts here, everyone here is fighting the same battle.
Keep posting, and reading other posts here, everyone here is fighting the same battle.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3
I did join a long time ago and have been reading a lot of posts the past couple of weeks. This site does make me feel a little less alone. It's just hard trying to fill my days with no job to occupy my mind. I don't have health insurance so going to my psychiatrist is hard. I have other health issues and those medications take up what little money I do have. Then again I know that if I didn't drink I could use that money...
I know that self-medication is not the answer, and all I do is wish and pray that I can live a good life someday without alcohol. People keep telling me that I'm still young and things can get better, I just wish I could believe that...
I know that self-medication is not the answer, and all I do is wish and pray that I can live a good life someday without alcohol. People keep telling me that I'm still young and things can get better, I just wish I could believe that...
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
I don't know of many people who came into trying to stop drinking that did not make a shambles of their life in some way. There is a lot of wreckage to clean up once we get sober and that in itself can be overwhelming. It took a program of recovery for me to be able to get past the anxiety and move into recovery. It taught me how to live life sober and clean up those things that kept the anxiety going and driving me back to the drink when I would try to stop drinking.
There are many programs of recovery out there and many people have found positive results with each of them. The program that worked for me is AA. I would encourage you to look in our alcoholism forum and at the top of it there is a sticky with a list of different recovery programs. Pick one from the list if it isn't the one for you then pick another. You will find one that works for you. Hang in there and don't ever stop trying. You are not to old to change. I was 35 y/o before I found a solution to my alcoholism.
There are many programs of recovery out there and many people have found positive results with each of them. The program that worked for me is AA. I would encourage you to look in our alcoholism forum and at the top of it there is a sticky with a list of different recovery programs. Pick one from the list if it isn't the one for you then pick another. You will find one that works for you. Hang in there and don't ever stop trying. You are not to old to change. I was 35 y/o before I found a solution to my alcoholism.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hey lc!
10 months ago I could have written your post more or less...but I am older than you by about 10 years
sobriety and the hard work I do on myself has relieved me of the anxiety and crippling fear...with the support of SR and my life coach I am rebuilding my life, piece by piece. You cannot do it overnight but you can do it.
Today I got the news that I will have a solo show in August (I am an artist)...this time last year my paints sat unused in a corner, whatever God given talent I possessed withering. And this was the least of my problems.
I am living proof that you can heal your life.
Hugs,
LaFemme
10 months ago I could have written your post more or less...but I am older than you by about 10 years
sobriety and the hard work I do on myself has relieved me of the anxiety and crippling fear...with the support of SR and my life coach I am rebuilding my life, piece by piece. You cannot do it overnight but you can do it.Today I got the news that I will have a solo show in August (I am an artist)...this time last year my paints sat unused in a corner, whatever God given talent I possessed withering. And this was the least of my problems.
I am living proof that you can heal your life.
Hugs,
LaFemme
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Colorado
Posts: 93
lcroft- There probably aren't too many people on here that haven't wrecked some or all of their lives due to drinking. Unfortunately most of us can't see that we have a problem until we loose the things we care about. Luckily though, the world is filled with second chances, especially at 30! You can get another job, rearrange your finances (even start completely over), and find new relationships.
But, in my opinion, it is pointless to try until you get sober. So work on that first. Nothing makes me feel better than action. Forget about your other troubles for now, go see your doctor (too expensive? probably less than a months worth of alcohol), find an AA meeting or counselor, and then work on your recovery. As you get down that road you can start working on the other problems. I think the alcohol makes everything seem worse, because deep down inside you realize that not only do you have problems, but you are sick and your ability to tackle them is severely impaired.
Take it a day and a step at a time. You can do this. First step, go see your doctor and be 100% honest. Second step, follow the doctor's advice to stop drinking and find some support.
But, in my opinion, it is pointless to try until you get sober. So work on that first. Nothing makes me feel better than action. Forget about your other troubles for now, go see your doctor (too expensive? probably less than a months worth of alcohol), find an AA meeting or counselor, and then work on your recovery. As you get down that road you can start working on the other problems. I think the alcohol makes everything seem worse, because deep down inside you realize that not only do you have problems, but you are sick and your ability to tackle them is severely impaired.
Take it a day and a step at a time. You can do this. First step, go see your doctor and be 100% honest. Second step, follow the doctor's advice to stop drinking and find some support.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Hi and Welcome,
You do have the power to change things and you have begun to help yourself by coming here and seeking support.
Your sobriety should be a priority for you, and then rest of your life will fall into place.
You do have the power to change things and you have begun to help yourself by coming here and seeking support.
Your sobriety should be a priority for you, and then rest of your life will fall into place.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi lcroft
I made a total mess of my life and my health.
I just took it a day at a time, recommitted to my sobriety daily, and then started to rebuild my life piece by piece, brick by brick....I got there in the end
I think support is vital in the process tho - noone ever successfully does this alone IMO...you'll find a lot of support here, but have you thought of face to face support as well?
D
I made a total mess of my life and my health.
I just took it a day at a time, recommitted to my sobriety daily, and then started to rebuild my life piece by piece, brick by brick....I got there in the end
I think support is vital in the process tho - noone ever successfully does this alone IMO...you'll find a lot of support here, but have you thought of face to face support as well?
D
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
welcome lcroft - glad you posted and I'm sorry you're going through so much.
Have you ever told your psychiatrist how much you drink? Alcohol is a depressant and creates anxiety. I remember getting to the point of not caring about myself and being so depressed about my life, and I was even on anti-depressants at the time. Getting sober may not instantly get you a job or change your situation, but it will reduce the depression/anxiety and help you start to think clearly so that you can begin to put the pieces back together.
Get all the help you possibly can (here, AA, doctor, etc.).....you don't deserve to live like this....
Have you ever told your psychiatrist how much you drink? Alcohol is a depressant and creates anxiety. I remember getting to the point of not caring about myself and being so depressed about my life, and I was even on anti-depressants at the time. Getting sober may not instantly get you a job or change your situation, but it will reduce the depression/anxiety and help you start to think clearly so that you can begin to put the pieces back together.
Get all the help you possibly can (here, AA, doctor, etc.).....you don't deserve to live like this....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
I was in my late 20s, barely holding onto a job, drinking in the morning to fight the shakes, and felt that life was passing me by. There were two dominating ideas in my philosophy:
1) I was clearly absent the day the rest of the human race was given the operator's manual
2) I was incapable of not drinking.
This pit of despair was awesome and deep. I was living a great lie, and I wondered what I had done to create the situation. Where had I gone wrong?
Or, had I always been wrong?
I like to think of alcoholism as a wiring problem. Our factory settings are different than the rest of the human race, and as a result, we process information and stimulation differently. We're incredibly sensitive, self-concious, and frightened. Then we discover alcohol, and it temporarily fixes that wiring problem. It makes us feel the way we think other people feel.
See, alcohol isn't my problem. It's the solution to my problem.
But then the betrayal happens. It stops working. But like an abused spouse, we keep returning to it, desperate to find the power it gave us. We are mentally obsessed with it, and physically allergic to it (we can't stop once we start). And at this point, it usually takes another decade before we do anything about it, if we ever do at all.
It starts with the truth about your alcoholism. Understanding it, conceding that it has kicked your ass. That maybe you have lost power, choice and control.
But there's a solution that's proven to work over and over again.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity? It can disappear.
1) I was clearly absent the day the rest of the human race was given the operator's manual
2) I was incapable of not drinking.
This pit of despair was awesome and deep. I was living a great lie, and I wondered what I had done to create the situation. Where had I gone wrong?
Or, had I always been wrong?
I like to think of alcoholism as a wiring problem. Our factory settings are different than the rest of the human race, and as a result, we process information and stimulation differently. We're incredibly sensitive, self-concious, and frightened. Then we discover alcohol, and it temporarily fixes that wiring problem. It makes us feel the way we think other people feel.
See, alcohol isn't my problem. It's the solution to my problem.
But then the betrayal happens. It stops working. But like an abused spouse, we keep returning to it, desperate to find the power it gave us. We are mentally obsessed with it, and physically allergic to it (we can't stop once we start). And at this point, it usually takes another decade before we do anything about it, if we ever do at all.
It starts with the truth about your alcoholism. Understanding it, conceding that it has kicked your ass. That maybe you have lost power, choice and control.
But there's a solution that's proven to work over and over again.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity? It can disappear.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 39
I have the same problems as you right now. I hate to face anything without knowing I can have a drink to forget it all. I have to get a job, I quit my last one over a year ago. I am deeply in debt and basically having my fiance take care of me. I hate myself for what I have done to myself and I just don't know which way to turn. I am sick and tired of everyday being the same worries that I can't seem to fix. It is so frustrating.
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